Breathing Underwater
by Steph007
Summary: Keith and Lucas find life while Karen's in Italy harder than either of them expected.
1. Beginning

"Lucas?" The sound of my name startled me.  
  
I looked up, the light hurt my eyes and I turned away again.  
  
"Lucas! Get up, you have school."  
  
I moaned and rolled over.  
  
"If you miss school, I won't excuse it."  
  
I didn't answer. He sighed. "Come on, Luke, I made breakfast."  
  
Keith grabbed the corner of my blanket and pulled it off, leaving me in only boxers. I curled up in a ball, shivering. Keith lightly smacked my bottom. "Get up, kid."  
  
He left my room, but I couldn't go back to sleep. I sat up and tried to stand. Ow, bad idea. I sat again. I waited until the blood balanced between my head and the rest of my body. My head was pounding. A shower, I needed a shower. My towel was on the floor where I left it. This is why I needed my mom to stay home. My towels were never on the floor when Mom was home.  
  
I hung up my still wet towel and got another one from the bathroom. The cold water felt good against my face. What happened last night? I didn't remember coming home. I was at a bar with Brooke. We were drinking. I looked at my shoulder. Oh, no. It was real. I got a tattoo. For a second, I didn't remember what it was a tattoo of. Keith was going to kill me. No, Mom was going to kill me. I tried to think of ways to hide it from both of them, but thinking was hurting my brain.  
  
"Lucas! Breakfast!"  
  
I turned the water off and got out of the shower. I picked a shirt with longish sleeves. That would cover today. What would happen for the game in my jersey? Oh, well, I didn't have time to think about it now. I had to face Keith and hope he didn't notice what time I got back.  
  
No such luck.  
  
"So you were out late last night." He said when I went into the kitchen. There was a plate of scrambled eggs on my placemat. I sat and started devouring. I didn't realize how hungry I was.  
  
Keith handed me a cup of water and an advil.  
  
"Your headache will go away in about an hour."  
  
"Thanks." I took the medicine and kept eating.  
  
"Woah, slow down, Luke, I can make more."  
  
I smiled.  
  
"So, you're not going to do that again, are you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Get drunk and not come home until 2."  
  
I looked down. "No, I'm not planning on it."  
  
"Good. Cause if you do, I'll have to tell your mom."  
  
We eat in silence. Breakfast with two men takes an unusually short amount of time. We cleaned our plates and rinsed them off in less than 10 minutes.  
  
I was loading the dishwasher when Keith said, "Oh and by the way, you're grounded."  
  
"What?" I looked at him.  
  
"You didn't come home or call all night, Lucas. Plus, you're underage. I don't even want to know where you got the alcohol."  
  
"How long?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"How long am I grounded?"  
  
"A week."  
  
"You know, Mom's never grounded me before."  
  
"I believe it. You always behave with her. I promise you though, if you would have come rolling in at 2 in the morning plastered, you wouldn't see the light of day for more than a week."  
  
He had a point. "But you're not going to tell her, right?"  
  
He smiled. "No, Luke, you can resume breathing."  
  
He was trying to be funny. I was not in the mood. My brain was trying to think of ways to fool him, not wanting to laugh. This could be harder than I thought. It would be a hell of a lot easier to lie to Keith if I didn't like him.  
  
It didn't help me not like him when he offered to take me to school.  
  
"No, that's ok, I'll walk."  
  
"Ok," he didn't sound convinced, "Are you okay, Luke? Want to talk about anything?"  
  
I shook my head. He looked at me sideways, but didn't push it anymore. I walked to school, still trying to think of how to either wear sleeves to the game, or stop Keith from going to the game. I wasn't coming up with anything rational. Damn. 


	2. Seeing double

My eye lids felt like they each weighed at lease pounds. They were weighing down my whole face. My eyes were drifting...closed...  
  
"Lucas!"  
  
My eyes shot open. "What?!"  
  
"Earth to Lucas. Tune in to channel M-A-T-H."  
  
I smiled, hoping that would get me off the hook for sleeping in class.  
  
"We have just nominated you for homecoming king nominee. Do you have any problems with that?"  
  
I didn't answer.  
  
"We can discuss it after school in detention if you have any questions."  
  
"No, that's fine. Sure I'll be the nominee."  
  
"Great, now stay awake, or we'll talk in detention anyway."  
  
I nodded and opened his book, pretending like I knew exactly what they were studying.  
  
"Derivatives, Lucas, page 129," Jake whispered from the seat behind me.  
  
"Thanks," I whispered back.  
  
I managed to stay awake the rest of the class period. I tried to escape quickly with the rest of the class, but the gods of luck were not with me.  
  
"Lucas!" Mr. Collins called.  
  
"Good luck, man," Jake patted my back and left with the class. Mr. Collins was known by his inability to take pity on students. Or lack of heart, either one.  
  
"The homecoming king is always a senior, you know that right?"  
  
"Yeah, so do I really have to go to these meetings?"  
  
"Yes, basically they're going to make you do all the dirty work and you have a chance of being king when you are a senior."  
  
"Terrific."  
  
"Anyway, I thought you should be warned. Meetings start at 7am tomorrow morningg."  
  
"Thanks," Lucas stood at his desk waiting for the right for words to come to me. Nothing. In all the books I read people always say the right thing. If I were in a book, I would not have been standing in front of Mr. Collins's desk with sweat starting to bead on my forehead. "I'm sorry," I finally blurted out. Not exactly the quality apology I was going for. "For falling asleep. I'm sorry."  
  
Mr. Collins's face contorted unrecognizably. Oh, wait, he was smiling.  
  
"I you fall asleep in my class again I'm calling your mom," he was still smiling. Did he find some kind of sadistic pleasure in seeing the reaction of students when he threatened to call their parents? I gave him no reaction, keeping my face still. He stopped smiling.  
  
"I'm done, go to class, Mr. Scott," he said and went back to grading papers.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Collins."  
  
He waved me off with his red pen without looking up.  
  
Homecoming nominee? What a joke. I didn't have time to think too hard about it, because I was already running late to Chemistry. Two hard teachers in a row. Someone in the counselors office was sadistic.  
  
"You're late, Mr. Scott," Mr. Davis said the second I walked into class.  
  
"I'm sorry, I was talking to another teacher." He did not look convinced. "I can bring you a note." I offered.  
  
"Too late. Sit, you're interrupting my class."  
  
Brooke's dad was the exact opposite of Brooke. Where she was sweet and gentle, he was harsh and demanding. The only time he wasn't a complete bastard when he was with Brooke. He still saw her as a three year old in pigtails. I was a threat to his baby.  
  
I took a seat in the front so I didn't have to cross in front of Mr. Davis.  
  
Falling asleep in Chemistry would have been detrimental not only to my grade, but also my physical health. If Mr. Davis killed me, I would no longer be a threat to his little girl. I doodled on my paper to keep awake. I tried to write down what he was talking about, but organic chemistry makes little to no sense when one is running off three and a half hours of sleep.  
  
I got my much needed distraction when Brooke came into the chemistry lab.  
  
"Daddy, can I borrow Lucas for a minute?" she asked sweetly. Mr. Davis's eyes were visibly melting.  
  
"Of course, sweetie," he turned and glared at me, "make it quick."  
  
Nathan made kissing noises. I turned and glared at him. He looked pleased with himself. Bastard. Justice finally came my way when Mr. Davis said, "Detention, Nathan." I smiled. "Get out of here, Lucas, or you'll be joining him."  
  
I followed Brooke out of the room quickly. Once I shut the door, she pinned me to the wall and started kissing me.  
  
"Wait, why did you pull me out of class?"  
  
"Cause I missed you," she went back to kissing me.  
  
Eh? Oh well, no chemistry, yes making out, sounded good to me.  
  
The bell rang and students started flooding into the hallway. "Oh, shit!" I exclaimed, "I missed the last half hour of class."  
  
"It's okay, Luke. Daddy will understand."  
  
"No he won't. The guy hates me."  
  
"Come on." She led me back into the class, as we passed Nathan who glared at me. "Ignore him," she warned. "Get your stuff and leave. Quickly."  
  
Brooke went to talk to her father, the hardass chem teacher, while I gathered my stuff and slinked out the door. It worked! Free! I didn't want to think about what would happen the next day in class. Oh well, that was 23 hours away, I had to deal with more pressing issues, such as how to hide the tattoo from Keith.  
  
I asked Brooke for advice.  
  
"He won't like the tattoo?" she asked.  
  
"Let's put it this way, if he finds the tattoo, they will never, ever find my body...ever."  
  
"Alright, I get it. Jeez, Luke, you're so dramatic," she kissed me.  
  
"How do I get him to not go to the game?"  
  
"I'll take care of it. Where is he?"  
  
"At the shop... Why what are you going to do?"  
  
"Just leave it to me. If I take make him not go to the game, will you loosen up?"  
  
"Yes, but what-"  
  
She put her finger over my lips to silence me. "Shhh... Trust me."  
  
When I got to the shop after school, I threw my backpack in Keith's office and picked up some tools to start working.  
  
"Can you help Mr. Brown, Luke. He's next in line," Keith motioned to the tall, husky man waiting with his car.  
  
The carburetor needed to be repaired. Good lord, this was going to be while.  
  
Keith and I were both under the hood of cars that were next to each other.  
  
"How was your day, Luke?" He asked.  
  
"Eh. It was school."  
  
"So descriptive you are."  
  
"How was your day?"  
  
"Eh. It was work." We both laughed.  
  
"Listen, Luke, I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to be able to make it to your game tonight."  
  
I couldn't help but ask, "Why?"  
  
"Actually your girl told me that Deb hadn't seen Nathan play yet, so I'm going to keep the diner open while she goes to the game."  
  
I smiled.  
  
"She seems nice."  
  
"She is," I smiled.  
  
"I would like her a lot more if I didn't suspect it was her you got drunk with last night."  
  
"What makes you think that?"  
  
"I was 16 once, too, Lucas."  
  
"Want to do it again? I'll trade you places."  
  
"No way. I spent my entire 16th year grounded."  
  
I laughed. "Now that I do not believe."  
  
"No, seriously, I would finish one sentence and screw up again. Your grandpa was not my friend that year." Keith looked into the distance and laughed. "God, I was a mess," he pointed at me, "Don't you ever, ever be like I was."  
  
"What did you do?" Now I was curious.  
  
"I think it started when I discovered alcohol. That was when Danny was a basketball star and I was the screw-up kid. The only attention I got was when Dad would pick me up from the police station and yell at me." He looked at me, "Oh, God, now I'm giving you ideas. If I'm ever not paying enough attention to you, you have my permission to slap me."  
  
"Sure thing, Keith."  
  
So game one was taken care of. As long as no one mentioned the tattoo to Keith, which was unlikely, I was off the hook. At least until next game.  
  
We won the game, which meant that Whitey would lay off our asses for the next...13 hours. Nathan and I managed not to get in a fight the whole game and that included halftime. My guess was Nathan was trying to impress his mom. It would have been sweet if he wasn't such a jackass.  
  
I called Keith after the game to see if I could go to a party with Brooke. I knew if I didn't go, Nathan would think he won. But then if I came home drunk twice in a row, Keith would have my ass until Mom got back.  
  
"So can I go?"  
  
"No, Lucas! You're grounded."  
  
"Remember how we talked about being 16 once? This is my turn. Please, Keith."  
  
"Why do you want to go anyway?"  
  
"To prove Nathan wrong."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nevermind. Please?"  
  
"Argh, Lucas, why are you doing this to me?"  
  
"Because you're my favorite uncle."  
  
"Fine, go, but be home before curfew."  
  
"Which is when?"  
  
"I don't know, when is your usual curfew?"  
  
"I didn't have one," I answered honestly.  
  
"Okay, be home by midnight, you have school tomorrow."  
  
"That's in two hours!"  
  
"Don't push it," he warned.  
  
"Fine. Thanks, Keith."  
  
"Don't even think about drinking, Luke. You blew that one already."  
  
I agreed and hung up the phone.  
  
Brooke was looking curiously at me.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
Nathan looked surprised to see me standing with Brooke in the doorway of his beach house. "What are you doing here, bro?" he emphasized the bro like it was an insult. It was an insult to be related to him.  
  
"Party for the team, right? I'm on the team."  
  
"I meant the team that matters."  
  
"If I'm not mistaken, Nate, I scored double the points that you did, and I have your previous position. I don't think it gets any more important than that."  
  
"Fine. Stay. You're up." He handed me a ping pong ball.  
  
"What are we doing?"  
  
Brooke came up close to me and whispered in my ear, "Beer pong, I'll help you."  
  
The game was to throw the ping pong ball in one of the cups at the other end of the table. If it made it in, the other person had to drink the beer in the cup.  
  
I was good at beer pong. The problem was, so was Nathan. I learned quickly that playing beer pong with basketball players was not a great idea. As we kept playing, we were getting worse and worse. Eventually I was seeing 10 cups instead of 5.  
  
Brooke took the next cup I was supposed to drink away. "I think you've had enough, Lucas."  
  
"What? Give that back!"  
  
Nathan was plastered. His balls weren't even landing on the table anymore.  
  
"You won, Lucas, now let's go."  
  
I was tired. My eyes were not staying awake. Brooke led me to a couch. "Here, Luke, lay down." She combed my hair with her hands and I slept on her lap. 


	3. Talking to Keith

I opened my eyes. Ow. Nevermind, I don't really need to see. Closed them again. Wait, where was I? Not my bed, not my room. I sat up. Ow. Not another hangover. Keith was gonna kill me. Keith!  
  
I looked at my watch. 6:55. Shit! I had that meeting for homecoming nominee.  
  
I shook Brooke. "Brooke! I need to go! I have to go to school."  
  
I opened a bunch of doors, trying to find a bathroom. I found a bedroom where Nathan was crashed on his back with one hand on the floor. He stirred when I opened the door. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm trying to find a bathroom."  
  
"This isn't it, moron."  
  
"Yeah think?" I said sarcastically, "Look, I have to be at school in 5 minutes, where's a bathroom?"  
  
"What time is it?" he asked groggily.  
  
"6:55. I have to go early for this homecoming thing."  
  
"Shit! That's today?"  
  
"Yeah. Don't tell me you're in it too."  
  
He got up and went to the bathroom without responding.  
  
"Where's another bathroom?"  
  
Nathan pointed down the hall.  
  
"Thanks." I muttered out of habit.  
  
We met again outside when he was starting his car. I began walking toward school.  
  
"Get in," he called out the window.  
  
"I don't need a ride from you."  
  
"We're already late, just get in the damn car."  
  
I got in.  
  
"Why are you giving me a ride?"  
  
"I figure if we both walk in late I'll be in less trouble."  
  
"Always ulterior motives for you."  
  
"What? You expected more?"  
  
"No."  
  
We started on the homecoming floats during the meeting. We hand glued all the little tissue paper things to trailers. I fall asleep in math and this is my punishment? Slave labor with Nathan? Evil. Pure evil.  
  
I ran home during lunch. Sophomores aren't allowed off campus for lunch, so I had to sneak past the security guard. It was easier than they make it sound at the assemblys where they warn us not to do crap like that.  
  
I took a quick shower and changed my clothes. I reeked. I grabbed a pop tart, scribbled a note to Keith and ran back to school.  
  
"Keith, sorry sorry sorry. I'm still alive. Don't worry about me. Sorry. ~Luke"  
  
When school let out, I debated on whether or not to go to the shop. The second I walked in, I knew Keith would have my ass, but if I let him worry until he got home, he would have my ass then. Lose-lose situation. By going straight home, I would kill myself with the suspense of how Keith was going to kill me. Plus, there would be no witnesses. I decided to go to the shop.  
  
I decided on the "nothings wrong" approach. Big mistake. I don't think any approach would have worked, but there you have it.  
  
"Lucas!"  
  
The slipping by unnoticed was out. I looked at Keith. His eyes were filled with rage. He was pissed. Oh shit.  
  
He was with a customer. That bought me 3 extra minutes. "You sit," he told me, pointing to a chair outside his office. "I'll deal with you in a minute."  
  
Oh shit. This was turning out to be a truly oh shit day.  
  
"You're car will be ready in," he looked at the clock. "2 hours. My nephew here," he gestured at me, "is going to fix it."  
  
I smiled sarcastically.  
  
The man left. No, wait, he was supposed to be my witness. Come back.  
  
Keith inputted the customer's data into the computer and then turned slowly toward me.  
  
I looked away.  
  
"Lucas," he warned.  
  
I looked at him.  
  
"Where the hell were you? Midnight does not mean that you just don't show up. No call or anything."  
  
"Keith I'm sorry."  
  
"You know what, Luke; I've almost had enough with your apologies."  
  
I studied the floor. God, this was not easy. I let my uncle down, again.  
  
"So let me guess. You went to this party,"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"And then you got wasted. So you decided not to come home because you didn't want me to know you got wasted. Is that right?"  
  
"No, Keith, it wasn't like that."  
  
"What was it like then, enlighten me."  
  
"Keith." I said sadly.  
  
"No really, Lucas, I want to know what happened. I go out on a limb for you and let you go to a party and you promised me you would not drink."  
  
"I didn't promise."  
  
"Dammit, Lucas! You told me you were not going to drink. If I can't trust you, we have a big problem."  
  
"You can trust me!"  
  
"Not if you stay out all night without telling me."  
  
"You knew where I was!"  
  
"No, no I didn't. Where were you?"  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
"No, really, where were you. I want to know."  
  
"Nathan's beach house."  
  
"Oh. That explains a lot. You were out drinking Nathan."  
  
"Something like that. Are you saying you never tried to out drink Dan?"  
  
"No, I didn't because if I had, my dad would have kicked my ass."  
  
"Well then it's good I don't have a dad."  
  
"You have me. Your ass is grounded."  
  
"And I'm sure you loved your father so much when he did that to you," I said rudely.  
  
"I don't care if you love me right now. You messed up. You're getting punished."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Fine?"  
  
"Yeah, fine. I'm sorry your father was a condescending bastard, but at least I have you." I said it so rude. It was low, even for me, and I had said some pretty shitty stuff to Keith in my time.  
  
"Lucas." He warned.  
  
"What?! What Keith?" I was shouting now.  
  
There was a cough at the doorway. A new customer.  
  
Keith and I were still glaring at each other.  
  
"I'm sorry to interrupt." He said.  
  
"No, sorry you had to see that. It's just...family issues."  
  
"I have a teenager, no need to apologize." He smiled.  
  
Right, like all parents of teenagers have some kind of bond over how bad their kids are. Keith wasn't even my parent, what right did he have to be in that club?  
  
"We will continue this later," Keith told me in a threatening voice. He handed me a wrench. "Go fix the blue truck."  
  
"What's wrong with it?"  
  
"I don't know. It's making noises."  
  
"What kind of noises?"  
  
"I don't know, Lucas, go drive it and find out."  
  
He tossed me the keys.  
  
"Two miles, Luke. That's all you can put on it. Find the noise and come back."  
  
"Sure," I said dully.  
  
"Lucas!"  
  
"Yes, Captain, two miles, got it," I saluted him.  
  
Keith sighed and turned to help the customer.  
  
I took the blue truck to see what kind of noise it was making. Great, now what was I going to tell Keith? I really did regret drinking last night, but if I would have come home plastered, I would already be dead. At least this way, Keith had time to cool off.  
  
I listened for a noise but heard nothing. I kept driving hoping to hear something, I just happened to drive past school and see Brooke walking across the parking lot. Not intentional, I swear. Okay, maybe slightly intentional.  
  
I honked. Brooke's eyes lit up and she ran to the truck.  
  
"Where did this come from, cutie?"  
  
"I'm listening for a noise. Want to help me listen?"  
  
She got the passenger seat and kissed me. The parking lot was empty and the car felt warm against the cold November air. We forgot about the sound. She unbuttoned my shirt and started to take it off and I stopped her.  
  
"Wait, no, I need to go back to the shop."  
  
"Why? No, stay with me."  
  
"Brooke, I need to go. I'll call later."  
  
She looked sad, but let my shirt go and got out of the truck.  
  
I watched her walk back to her car while I buttoned my shirt back up. I let her go, I should get a medal for that. Unfortunately, Keith did not feel the same way.  
  
"Where the hell were you?" He yelled when I walked into the shop.  
  
"I was listening for the sound," I told him, which was not a complete lie. Not the complete truth either, but there you have it, "Like you told me to do..." I hoped it would jog his memory.  
  
"That was half an hour ago!" I looked at my watch. Oh shit, it was half an hour ago. "You didn't put more than two miles on the car, did you?"  
  
"No, two miles, that's it."  
  
"Good. Get to work."  
  
That was easy. Too easy. I was suspicious, but I got the right tools and got to work on the truck.  
  
"By the way, Luke, your buttons are off." He gestured toward my shirt, grinning with one side of his mouth.  
  
I blushed.  
  
"Two miles, huh? That girl of yours lives that close?"  
  
"What makes you think I saw her?"  
  
"Other than the shirt? You look guilty. You can't pull of guilty."  
  
"Sorry." I started to apologize.  
  
"Don't, you're already grounded. Sorry only goes so far."  
  
"Look, Keith. Let me use one more sorry. I'm sorry about last night. When I told you I wasn't going to drink, I really wasn't planning on it. It just sort of...happened. Nathan was being an ass, as usual, and I couldn't let him."  
  
"You can beat Nathan at basketball, you can beat him at school and grades, but drinking more than he does doesn't make you anything better."  
  
"I know. I just-"  
  
"Yeah, Luke. I know."  
  
We worked in silence until blue truck man came to get his truck, and we closed the shop.  
  
***  
  
6:00am. My alarm clock was screaming for me to wake up. I groaned and hit the snooze button. Ten minutes later it was screaming again. Snooze. One last time, I promised myself. Ten minutes later I was about to hit snooze when Keith shouted sleepily, "For God's sake Lucas, get up!"  
  
I complied, my towel from the afternoon before was wet on the floor. I missed Mom. We were going to run out of towels if she didn't come home. God forbid I hang my towel after I use it.  
  
I made an omelet the way Mom makes them, but it wasn't the same. Keith didn't seem to mind. He came out of his room rubbing his eyes, wearing a robe. "Why are you up so damn early, kid?"  
  
"I'm on the homecoming court. Want an omelet?"  
  
"You're one of the underclassmen they sucker into being slaves for the seniors the week before homecoming?"  
  
"Two weeks, yeah. Want one?" I gestured toward the skillet slowly turning my raw egg into breakfast.  
  
"Sure. What did you do to earn such a torture?"  
  
"I kind of fell asleep in math class and they nominated me." I took out more eggs for Keith's omelet. "Why are you awake so damn early?"  
  
"Don't say damn, Luke. This kid I'm living with is the noisiest son of a bitch I've ever met." He grinned.  
  
"Do you want the omelet? Cause I can think of a better way to use this egg." I pretended like I was going to throw it at him.  
  
"Nice try. Can I have ham?"  
  
"Sure," I handed it to him. "Cut it up."  
  
"You sure are bossy little bastard in the mornings, Luke."  
  
"You sure are a potty mouth in the mornings, Keith."  
  
"Anything for my favorite nephew," Keith grinned.  
  
"Speaking of nephews, guess who else is on the homecoming court?"  
  
"No." He shook his head.  
  
"Oh yes, and he is so pleasant in the early mornings."  
  
"Man, sorry, Luke."  
  
"Why is he such a jackass?"  
  
"Because he grew up with Dan. That's like growing up with my dad."  
  
"So how did you turn up normal?"  
  
"I had no basketball talent. He left me alone. Completely alone. I would be seriously screwed up if it weren't for my mom." He nodded in my direction. "Much like you."  
  
"One omelet ready." I tossed it and landed it in the plate.  
  
Keith was impressed.  
  
"How did you learn that?"  
  
"Mom taught me. She's a chef. I know a thing or two."  
  
"You've been keeping this from me?"  
  
I shrugged. "You never asked."  
  
"That's it, you're cooking all the food from now on."  
  
"That," I said, "That is why I didn't tell you that I can cook."  
  
Keith laughed. "Well, you owe me, so you still have to cook."  
  
"Why do I owe you?"  
  
"You made me stay up all night waiting for you to come home last night. No call..."  
  
"Alright, alright. I said I was sorry. I apologized and I regret it and I'm not going to do it again. What more do you want?"  
  
"I want you to cook from now on."  
  
"Is that a suggestion or a command?"  
  
"Command. You can start with dinner."  
  
"Dammit, I shouldn't have said anything."  
  
"Really, Luke, you need to stop swearing."  
  
I scoffed. "Look who's talking. If either of us needs to stop swearing, it's you. Let's see, since you woke up you called me a little bastard, a son of a bitch and said damn I'm sure at least once."  
  
"Alright. I'll stop, too. Your mother is going to have a shit fit if you're talking like me when she gets back."  
  
I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. It starts now."  
  
I ate quickly and got ready for school.  
  
"So you're coming to the shop after school, right?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?"  
  
"Okay, you are coming to the shop after school, Lucas." He tried to sound parental.  
  
"Yeah, okay, Keith." 


	4. Fight

I managed to make it to the homecoming meeting everyday despite the early time. Keith never got used to waking up so early and complained every morning.  
  
"It's not my fault you're a light sleeper," I said finally one morning.  
  
"Make me an omelet," he demanded.  
  
"This isn't a diner," I objected. "I'm making bacon and eggs this morning. How do you want your eggs?"  
  
"Omelet style?"  
  
I shook my head. He laughed. "Oh, I don't care. Surprise me." He ruffled my hair as he walked past me to get the orange and cranberry juice from the fridge. He poured a glass of orange juice for himself and half orange half cranberry for me.  
  
I sat down the plates of food and he brought the cups.  
  
"You know that's gross, right?" He asked as I drank my juice.  
  
"Maybe so, but it's yummy." I smiled and licked my lips.  
  
And so went our morning routine. Free of parent child relations. Just two guys living together and getting along. That was how I liked it.  
  
We ate, I got ready for school and went to school, leaving Keith with a "See you at the shop."  
  
"Yeah, have a good day, Luke." He waved at me.  
  
As usual Nathan was being an ass. For some reason he thought he was better than the rest of us slaves, ahem, I mean nominees.  
  
We were painting signs. Nothing good could come of that.  
  
"I don't have art skills." Nathan said, trying to excuse himself from painting.  
  
"You don't have any skills. I don't know why we put up with you." I commented.  
  
"Watch it, Lucas," He warned me.  
  
"Or what?"  
  
"Or I'll kick your ass. That's my skill."  
  
"Stop, boys," Ms. Officer on Duty said. "There's not going to be any fighting. Why don't you both go work on that float?" She gestured toward the float we spent the whole last week gluing tissue paper to.  
  
"No way, I am done gluing." Nathan whined.  
  
"Shut up, Nathan." I said and stood up to go to the float.  
  
"You two need to learn to get along. You are going to keep working on that float until you've reached some sort of middle ground where you don't fight."  
  
Nathan looked outraged.  
  
"Go, Nathan. Lucas."  
  
We dragged our feet over to the dreaded float.  
  
"The sign needs to be painted. It's for the Spanish club," Ms. Officer called to us.  
  
"Why doesn't the Spanish club paint their own damn sign?" Nathan muttered.  
  
"God, Nathan, shut up!"  
  
Nathan did not deal well with being ordered to do anything, much less shut his mouth. He pushed me into the float. Ms. Officer was at our side in seconds.  
  
"Bastard!" I shouted and swung a punch at him. He doubled over with the force of the blow.  
  
"Lucas!" Ms. Officer shouted.  
  
Nathan kicked his foot out to trip me. I landed on the ground next to him, giving him the opportunity to punch me back. Before Jake broke us apart, I had busted Nathan's lip and he made my nose bleed.  
  
There was blood all over the float and half of it was caved in. All our gluing was wasted. Damn Nathan. Ms. Officer didn't see it as one sided as I did.  
  
"Come on, both of you." She took my sleeve in one hand and Nathan's in the other, and indicated for Jake to follow us. She dragged us all the way to the bathroom, where she let us go and instructed us to "wash up. Jake, make sure they don't try to escape."  
  
Jake looked like the last thing he wanted to do was make sure we didn't kill each other alone in the bathroom.  
  
"You idiot, now we're going to get detention," Nathan said when we were in the bathroom.  
  
"Don't, Lucas. Don't respond," Jake whispered to me. He wetted a paper towel and handed it to me.  
  
"Thanks," I said and used the paper towel to clean the blood around my nose.  
  
Nathan scowled at us.  
  
"Maybe if you weren't such a jackass, you'd have friends, too." I said.  
  
"Lucas," Jake warned. "Please."  
  
"Sorry," I muttered.  
  
Nathan touched him lip to wipe the blood and winced. He saw me watching him and stopped wincing. He tried to act all tough. Was it very wrong that I found enormous pleasure in how much I hurt him? Yeah probably, but it didn't stop me.  
  
Jake wetted another paper towel for me while I cleaned the blood off my face.  
  
"It's on your fist, too," he motioned at my hand.  
  
"What do you think she's going to do to us?" I asked.  
  
Jake shrugged. Nathan pretended like he didn't hear me.  
  
Nathan cleaned the blood around his lip, but I noticed that he didn't try to touch his lip again. He definitely looked worse than I did. My nose hurt, but nothing was visibly damaged. Was it wrong how pleased I was by that? Ms. Officer thought so.  
  
She let Jake go back to the meeting, but took me and Nathan to the principal's office. Mr. Andrews was getting a cup of coffee from the teacher's lounge and whistling back into his office.  
  
"What? Scott boys? So early?" He groaned.  
  
"They were fighting," Ms. Officer informed him.  
  
"I can see that." Mr. Andrews gestured toward Nathan's lip. Nathan scowled and looked away. Mr. Andrews considered us for a minute. "Come in, boys." He opened the door to his office and indicated for us to sit in the chairs facing his desk.  
  
I sat first and Nathan took the seat farthest away from me.  
  
"Oh, grow up, Nathan," I said.  
  
"Lucas, don't start," Mr. Andrews pointed his hand holding the coffee at me.  
  
"Sorry," I muttered.  
  
"So, what do you two have to say for yourselves?"  
  
Neither of us spoke.  
  
"Ok then, I'll just call you parents."  
  
"Our parents? Why?" Nathan hesitated.  
  
"They have to come get you. You two are suspended. This is your second fighting offense in one semester. We do not allow behavior like this in Tree Hill."  
  
We still didn't speak.  
  
"Ok, who wants to call first?"  
  
Nathan called Dan at work. This could be interesting.  
  
"Dad, I'm in the principal's office." Nathan explained. "You have to come meet with the principal," he sighed and looked at the ceiling. "I know, I'm sorry." Nathan hung up. "He's on his way." He told Mr. Andrews.  
  
Mr. Andrews handed the phone to me. I called Keith at home.  
  
"Keith, hi, it's me."  
  
"Luke? What's wrong?"  
  
"Um, you busy? You need to come meet with the principal."  
  
"Why?! What did you do?"  
  
"I sort of got in a fight with Nathan."  
  
"Lucas!"  
  
"I'm sorry. Can you come to school now? Please."  
  
"Luke!" he sighed. "Fine. You owe me."  
  
"Bye Keith."  
  
Nathan looked pissed.  
  
"Wait that's not fair. Keith is my uncle, too. I want him to take me home, then."  
  
"Lucas, we really need you mom to come," Mr. Andrews said.  
  
"My mom is out of town. Keith is staying with me."  
  
Nathan apparently did not know that. He looked jealous. Ha!  
  
"What about Dan?"  
  
"He's not my father." I snapped.  
  
Mr. Andrews sighed. "Fine. Keith is fine." 


	5. Principal's office

Dan showed up first. He sat next to Nathan on the other side of me. There was a seat between me and Nathan and a seat on the other side of me. Keith sat next to me, away from Nathan.  
  
Keith said, "Hi Danny, Nathan, Luke."  
  
Mr. Andrews shook hands with each of the parental units.  
  
Dan did not acknowledge Keith.  
  
"So your boys were fighting."  
  
Dan put his hand around Nathan's neck. Nathan winced.  
  
"They are both suspended for three days," Mr. Andrews said.  
  
I could feel Keith's eyes glaring a hole in the side of my face. Dan's grip tightened on Nathan's neck. His knuckles were turning white.  
  
While Dan was arguing with Mr. Andrews yelling about how his son was too good to be suspended, or something like that, I nudged Keith and gestured in the direction of Dan's grip on Nathan.  
  
Keith nodded. "Danny," Keith said.  
  
Dan turned sharply toward Keith, "What?"  
  
"Let go of Nathan." He pointed at his hand on Nathan. Nathan's eyes grew quite a few sizes. He was terrified.  
  
"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Dan shouted.  
  
"Just let him go, Dan."  
  
Dan let go of Nathan. There were five distinct finger marks on the back of his neck. "Happy?" Dan asked.  
  
Keith nodded.  
  
Mr. Andrews didn't want to discuss the signs of abuse Dan was showing. He wanted to talk about our suspension. So he did, "I want to stress the severity of this offense. Behavior like this is not acceptable at this school, as I have already explained to the boys. I hope you will talk to them at home so this does not happen again."  
  
"It won't," Keith answered the non question.  
  
Dan and Keith talked, but I tuned out. Nathan said nothing. I couldn't remember ever hearing Nathan say anything except "yes, father," or something to that degree to his father. I stopped listening. There were collages from each graduating class on the wall. Graduation seemed like so far away. Then I started thinking about how I was going to afford college, when Keith and Dan stood up. Nathan stood with Dan. Keith pulled at my sleeve. "We're done, Luke. Let's go."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Let's go." He repeated.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"I have to open up the shop. You're coming with."  
  
"I veto that idea," I said.  
  
"We'll talk in the car. Let's go." He tugged at my sleeve again. This time I got up. I followed him to the car.  
  
He didn't seem that angry. I might make it to my next birthday. One can dream... I was already grounded, twice. What could he do to me?  
  
Apparently he didn't know what to do with me, either.  
  
"Why the hell did you fight Nathan?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Please tell me you have something better than that."  
  
"He was being an ass. I-"  
  
"Lucas," he cut me off. "Please don't talk about people like that."  
  
"He was provoking me. He pushed me first."  
  
"And that means you should punch him? I saw his lip, you did some major damage."  
  
"Can we skip the lecture?" I suggested.  
  
"No!"  
  
"You're not my mom, Keith."  
  
"I don't claim to be."  
  
"Then why the lecture?"  
  
"Because you got suspended!"  
  
"Then by all means, continue with the lecture." I said sarcastically.  
  
"Watch it, Lucas," Keith warned.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You may be angry with me, but that doesn't mean you can be disrespectful."  
  
"Sorry," I muttered.  
  
We stopped at the shop.  
  
"What are we doing?" I asked.  
  
"I need to work. You need something to do. You know how to work...Do you see where I'm going with this?"  
  
"You're gonna make me work all day?" I asked disbelievingly.  
  
"Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes. Consider this your punishment." 


	6. Drunk

After the night I never came home and Keith grounded me again, he never gave me an ending date of my sentence. It had been more than a week since he grounded me the first time, so I tried my luck and asked him if I could go out after the game.  
  
He had given Deb another chance to see her son play, so I went to the café to ask him.  
  
"Hi, Keith."  
  
"Luke! How was the game?"  
  
"We won. I didn't get kicked out for fighting with Nathan. He didn't try to piss me off. It was good."  
  
Keith laughed. "Good to hear."  
  
"So, I was wondering...am I ungrounded yet?"  
  
Keith looked at me sideways. I continued, "It's been two weeks since you let me go anywhere. I'm getting cabin fever, Keith. Can I go out with Brooke?"  
  
He didn't look like he wanted me to go.  
  
"Please." I needed to be a girl so I could give Bambi eyes and convince him to let me go.  
  
Brooke walked in while I was begging.  
  
"Hi, Mr. Scott," she smiled broadly.  
  
"Hi Brooke," Keith replied.  
  
Keith grabbed one of my shoulders, the non tattooed one and whispered, "No sex and no drugs, got it?"  
  
"Can I have rock and roll, Keith?" I asked.  
  
"Do you want to go?" he threatened.  
  
"Yes, sorry. No sex, no drugs. Anything else?"  
  
"Be home by one."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"If you're back at one o one, your grounded again, got it?"  
  
"Yes, Keith. Back by one. Understood."  
  
"Go, Luke. Have fun."  
  
"Where to?" I asked when Brooke and I buckled our seatbelts and she started driving.  
  
"Tim's having a party, if you're feeling up to being harassed."  
  
"What else?"  
  
"There's always pool at the bar."  
  
"I'll go for that."  
  
She dug in her purse for our IDs. "Ok, Harry, let's go."  
  
I laughed.  
  
Brooke and I, or rather Gretchen and I, went to the bar. "Don't let me get drunk, okay?"  
  
I told Brooke.  
  
"Where's the fun in that?" she asked, planting a kiss on my lips.  
  
"I just- I'm done with beer for awhile."  
  
"Okay, deal. No more beer. We need to broaden your horizons anyway."  
  
"I need a shot of something, please." Brooke asked the bartender, she leaned over, showing her cleavage to the man at the bar.  
  
"Sure, hon." He said without asking for her ID. "It's on the house."  
  
Oh, that's why there was cleavage. Not fair, girls get ladies night, free drinks and their own cleavage.  
  
I don't know what it was that she gave me, but it was strong. I winced. Brooke laughed. "Oh, Lucas, I love corrupting you." She kissed me, "Is that wrong?"  
  
"Yeah, probably, let's have another one."  
  
Drunken Lucas wasn't very good at pool. Sober Lucas was not good, making Drunken Lucas very, very not good. Sober Brooke was much, much better. Sober Brooke was getting mad at Drunken Lucas. Drunken Lucas did not want to play pool anymore.  
  
"How many of those have you had?" Brooke asked me.  
  
I honestly could not remember.  
  
"You said you didn't want to get drunk," she was starting to sound mad.  
  
"You bought them for me!"  
  
"Whatever. We should probably go, Luke, you have to be home soon."  
  
Back in the car, we started making out. I tried to undo to little tie in her shirt, but my hands were not cooperating with my brain or my eyes. She took her shirt off. She took mine off, too. We got to taking off pants when she said, "Do you have a condom?"  
  
"No," I shook my head.  
  
She zipped her pants back up.  
  
"No, Luke, I'm not sleeping with you without a condom."  
  
"What?!" First she gets me drunk, then she makes out with me, but she's not going to sleep with me? What?  
  
She put her shirt back on.  
  
"Brooke!" I caressed her shoulder.  
  
"I said no, Luke."  
  
"Why are you being a bitch?"  
  
She turned sharply toward me. "I'm not getting pregnant, Lucas."  
  
She started her car.  
  
"So you'll be a slut with other guys, just not me?"  
  
"I'm not going to talk to you when you're like this," she said.  
  
"You got me like this!"  
  
"I got you one, to loosen up. I didn't ask for the other 5."  
  
She dropped me off at home. It was 12:55.  
  
Keith was watching insomniac music television on VH1.  
  
"I don't get this," he said when I walked in the door, "they know that it's almost 1 and yet they show commercials. No one can remember commercials at 1 in the morning!"  
  
He turned and looked at me.  
  
"You look disshelved." He considered me for a second. "Lucas! Have you been drinking?"  
  
"You didn't tell me I couldn't drink."  
  
"The law says you can't drink! You're 16!"  
  
"Thanks for the reminder, Mom."  
  
"Not funny! Can't you go out even once without getting drunk?"  
  
All of the sudden, I didn't feel well. I ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet.  
  
"That," Keith said, "That is why you shouldn't drink every weekend."  
  
"I don't drink every weekend. You didn't let me go out the last two weekends. I was making up for lost time."  
  
I vomited again.  
  
Keith brought me a cup of water.  
  
"You did shots, didn't you?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Drink the water, you're going to puke a lot more. You need to stay hydrated."  
  
I drank half the glass in one gulp.  
  
"Luke," Keith began.  
  
"I made it home on time, didn't I?"  
  
"Do you want a gold star?"  
  
"Funny." I was not amused.  
  
"Go to bed, Lucas. You'll feel better in the morning."  
  
"Will I really?"  
  
"No, you'll feel like shit in the morning, but at least you won't be puking."  
  
"Thanks for the warning."  
  
"No problem." He went to bed. 


	7. Blowing up

Morning. Bright lights. I groaned and looked at the florescent lights on my Sony Dream Machine. Funny how the annoying beep of the alarm stops my dreams.  
  
"Get up, Luke. We're going to the shop."  
  
I went into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes.  
  
Keith laughed when he saw me, "You look like hell, kid."  
  
I got out the skillet and opened the fridge. "What should we have for breakfast?"  
  
"Let's have cereal. Take a break for the day."  
  
"Why are you being nice to me?"  
  
"I imagine you have one hell of a hangover."  
  
"That I do." I told him.  
  
"And now you have no desire to ever, ever drink again?"  
  
"Yeah, that's about right." I said.  
  
"Good. Luke, we need to talk about all this drinking you've been doing lately."  
  
"Great," I said sarcastically.  
  
"Watch it, Lucas." He pointed a threatening finger at me.  
  
"Sorry." I muttered.  
  
"Listen. I've never talked to anyone about this, so," he took a deep breath, "here goes.  
  
"My father was an alcoholic. He was, how did you put it, 'a condescending bastard' most of the time, but when he drank, he was a violent bastard.  
  
"I think the only time Dan and I ever got along, was when we were hiding from Dad. He wore rings on his fingers," Keith indicated his index finger on his right hand, and his middle and ring finger on his left. "The patterns of the rings were usually imprinted in one or more of our bodies by the time he passed out."  
  
"Keith, you don't have to tell me this."  
  
"I want you to know, Lucas, what alcohol does to people. I gave it up when you were born, and I don't want to see you become an alcoholic before you can legally drink."  
  
"I won't, Keith."  
  
"Listen, Luke. I got it. I'm an alcoholic. Been sober for 16 years now."  
  
I didn't know what to say.  
  
"Dan's never had a drink in his life. He had more control than I ever did. But he could still have passed it to you."  
  
"I'm not an alcoholic, Keith."  
  
"You know, Lucas, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that is true. Where did you get the alcohol?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just answer the question, Lucas."  
  
"At a bar." As soon as the words escaped my lips, I realized I had just condemned myself.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"No, no, Nathan. I was at Nathan's house."  
  
"You were where?!  
  
"Nathan's house."  
  
"You were not at Nathan's house last night. You were at a bar. Nathan would have beer. He would not have shots. He's 16."  
  
I didn't say anything. Busted.  
  
"Give me your wallet." He held out his hand.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just give me your wallet."  
  
"No."  
  
"Lucas! Do not say no to me."  
  
"I just did. You're not getting my wallet until you tell me why you want it."  
  
"Fine. Just give me your ID then."  
  
"I don't have one."  
  
"You got into a bar. You have a fake ID. Give it to me."  
  
"No."  
  
He ran to my room. I ran after him. My wallet was sitting on my night table. Dammit. He got to it before I did. I tried to grab it from him.  
  
"Lucas, stop!"  
  
"No, it's my wallet. You have no right to go through it."  
  
He ignored me and opened the wallet. He found Harry's ID behind my real driver's license.  
  
"Sorry, Harry. You are not going to anymore bars."  
  
"What's this?" He asked, finding something else behind my license.  
  
He pulled out a condom. He held the evidence between his index and middle finger and looked at me for an explanation.  
  
"I had one of those?!" I said, not meaning to say it out loud.  
  
"You needed one of these?"  
  
"I- um, I-"  
  
"Luke, sit down." He said calmly. He patted the bed next to where he was sitting.  
  
I sat.  
  
"Are you sleeping with her?"  
  
"With Brooke?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
I nodded, too.  
  
"I didn't though. Last night, when you said no sex, I did not have sex with her."  
  
"Because you thought you didn't have a condom."  
  
"Right." I looked down.  
  
"You're not going to tell Mom, are you?"  
  
"I have no idea how she would react to news like this."  
  
"I don't either," I confessed.  
  
"Do me a favor then." He said. I nodded. "Either tell her when you she gets back. Or pretend that you started sleeping with her after she got back."  
  
"Deal."  
  
"Do you have more of these?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
He sighed. "I'll get you some more if you promise to talk to her about getting on birth control pills or the patch or something. These things are not 100% reliable."  
  
"Yeah, I know, Keith."  
  
For some reason, my mind took me back to last year when Keith taught me how to shave. Mom apparently had noticed my peach fuzz turn not so peach and enlisted the help of my faithful uncle. He came over every other morning for like two weeks until he was really sure I got the hang of it and wasn't going to cut myself in the process.  
  
I really did love Keith. Before I knew Dan was my father, I used to pretend that Keith was my dad. When Keith and Mom would come watch my little league games, I used to look up and them and imagine they were my parents and that after the game we would all go to the same house.  
  
As embarrassing as the whole situation was, I was glad Keith was there with me. He put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.  
  
"I don't like you growing up, Luke."  
  
"So are you keeping my ID?"  
  
"Yes, Luke! You know how much trouble you can get in if you get caught with a fake ID?"  
  
I didn't answer. I actually did not know how much trouble I could get into. It didn't really think about it. I decided that I didn't want to know.  
  
"You smell like bar," he said pointed at my shirt that I never changed from the night before.  
  
I pulled the shirt off, not thinking twice, and stood up to throw it in my hamper. I wadded up the shirt and threw it in the hamper, making it in the first try. I turned to Keith to congratulate myself, but he was staring at my shoulder with wide eyes. Oh shit. I just busted myself again. I might as well tell him about that time that I stole a candy bar in the 3rd grade.  
  
"What is that?" He pointed at my tattoo. "Wipe it off, Lucas."  
  
I said nothing. "Tell me it wipes off, please."  
  
"It's a tattoo, Keith."  
  
"When did you get it?"  
  
"Two weeks ago. The first time I came home drunk."  
  
"You've been hiding this from me for two weeks?" Keith was pissed again.  
  
"Yeah," I whispered.  
  
"You've been lying to me, Lucas!"  
  
"No, I just, neglected to tell you the entire truth."  
  
"That's the same as lying."  
  
"Well, I figured you would do exactly this." I said. "It's done, Keith, can we just forget about it?"  
  
"Any more secrets you've been keeping from me? Have you joined the navy? Started dealing drugs?"  
  
"No, you're overreacting. I just got a tattoo."  
  
"You got a tattoo. There's no just."  
  
"I don't want to talk about this now."  
  
"Too bad, we're going to. Why the hell did you lie to me?"  
  
"I guess I thought you would overreact. Hmm...wonder why I would have thought that?" I said rudely.  
  
"Lucas, drop the attitude. You are in enough trouble as it is."  
  
"Why am I in trouble? Are you going to punish me for something that happened two weeks ago?"  
  
"Look, I'm not going to talk to you when you're angry."  
  
"You're the one who's angry! I'm ready to just forget about it!" I was shouting now.  
  
"Lucas, you are not going to yell at me, okay?" He lowered his voice.  
  
"It appears that I already am yelling at you! What are you going to do about it?!" For some reason, I kept yelling. My head was pounding and I didn't want to calm down. I wanted to hurt something. I wanted to cause deep pain to something, whether it is the wall or Uncle Keith who just happened to be the other person in the room.  
  
"I'm going to the shop. You come when you've calmed down."  
  
"I'm not going to the shop!" I kept shouting, "I'm going to go have sex with my girlfriend, is that a problem with you?"  
  
"You're just digging yourself deeper and deeper into the hole of being grounded, Lucas. I highly suggest you stop."  
  
I stood up and started pacing. My face felt hot. Keith stood up with me and grabbed my upper arms, forcing me to look at him. "Lucas. Sit. Go for a run. Take a bath. Calm down. When you are ready, meet me at the shop. You're girlfriend isn't going to want to have sex with you at 7 in the morning anyway. Her parents will be pissed that you woke them up."  
  
And with that he left. 


	8. Right before everything changes

There was no way I was going to the shop. Keith was there and Keith was mad at me. Not that he didn't have a right to be mad at me, but that didn't mean I had to like it.  
  
I finished my cheerios and took a shower. Then I lay down on the couch. The next thing I knew, Keith was making something in the blender.  
  
I opened my eyes. There was a blanket on top of me. I must have fallen asleep on the couch.  
  
"What time is it?" I asked groggily.  
  
"6. You slept through the whole day, Luke."  
  
He turned off the blender and poured the milkshakes in two milkshake cups that Mom gave me for my 5th birthday. One had Mickey Mouse and the other had Minnie. That was back when I thought I was going to marry Mom.  
  
I had never had milkshakes with anyone but Mom. She only got out the milkshake cups when she had something important we needed to talk about. If she would have found out about the condoms, it would have been a milkshake moment. Keith took the Minnie cup, and for some reason it made me angry. The Minnie cup was Mom's and only Mom's. Keith would laugh at my immature reasoning, so I just let it go.  
  
"Good morning, sunshine." He said when I sat down at the table.  
  
He handed me my Mickey Mouse cup. "Do you want some advil?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
He sat across from me and started slurping his shake.  
  
"So was your day as productive as it looked?"  
  
"Yeah, pretty much."  
  
Keith laughed. "I missed you at the shop."  
  
"Did you really think I was going to go voluntarily go to let you kick my ass?"  
  
Keith laughed again. "I had no intention of kicking your ass."  
  
I scoffed in disbelief.  
  
"Really, Luke. You are a big kid. You know what is best for you."  
  
"I do?"  
  
"I think so. I mean, yeah, Luke. You were responsible when it came to sex, you didn't try to drink and drive, you made it home before curfew. The only ass kicking I can think of would be for you tattoo, but you're right. It's in the past. Let's just forget it."  
  
I sipped my milkshake. He was being way too cool about all this.  
  
"So I'm off the hook? That's it?"  
  
"Do you want some kind of punishment? Cause it is lonely here at night without you."  
  
"No, no, that's fine."  
  
"Just curious, though. How did you plan on keeping the tattoo a secret from me?"  
  
I shrugged. "It worked this far."  
  
"No more lies, okay, Lucas?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
We sipped in silence. I thought about what I was going to say the next time we called Mom. I couldn't tell her about the tattoo, or getting drunk, or my fights with Keith.  
  
I had to ask Keith, "What happened? Why are you not mad at me?"  
  
"Whitey brought his car in today."  
  
"Oh." That couldn't be good.  
  
"I bet he fully intends on kicking your ass, though. Just to warn you."  
  
"Gee thanks," I said.  
  
"At least I'm not gonna kick your ass."  
  
"What does he know?"  
  
"That you got drunk...again."  
  
"Why did you tell him?"  
  
"I was pissed! I had to talk to someone, and he knows you, so...I don't know, Luke. I just needed to talk."  
  
"And he said..." I prompted him.  
  
"He said that you're a good kid, and that you'll find your way back. And he also said that drinking is not good for your basketball skills and that if I don't mind, he was going to work the alcohol out of your system. And, well, at that point I didn't mind."  
  
"I see." I looked into my shake.  
  
"Well, listen. Let's call your mom. We haven't talked to her in a long time."  
  
"Why? What are you going to tell her?" I was nervous.  
  
"That we miss her and can't wait until she comes home." He must have sensed the relief in my eyes because he said, "Don't worry, Luke, I'm not going to tell her about any that happened today."  
  
"Mom!" I exclaimed when she answered the phone.  
  
"Lucas! Hi, baby!"  
  
"How is everything in Italy, Mom?"  
  
"It's culinary boot camp. Jeez, I can't even breathe."  
  
"So it's going well then?"  
  
She laughed. "Yes, it is...How are things in Tree Hill?"  
  
"Miserable, like always. Small towns, bad accents. You know the drill."  
  
"Good to hear," I could hear the smile in her voice. "So how is your basketball season going?"  
  
"It's going good. We're still undefeated."  
  
"That's fantastic, honey."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Is Nathan still on your back all the time?"  
  
"At practice, yes, but he knows that Whitey will kick his ass if he's like that during games."  
  
"I can hear that you're talking like Keith now. I was afraid of that."  
  
"He apologizes." I said.  
  
She laughed. "Oh I miss you, Lucas."  
  
"I miss you, too, Mom."  
  
"How is school?"  
  
"It's good. Grades just came out. Mostly good."  
  
"Mostly?"  
  
"Well you know, it was a hard semester."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure," she was still smiling.  
  
"No, seriously. I have demonic teachers."  
  
She laughed. "I love you, Luke, even if you have the worst excuses I've ever heard.  
  
"Oh, I try." I said, giving her my big cheesy smile. I wished she could see it.  
  
Keith was looking very anxious to talk to Mom.  
  
"Mom? I think Keith is ready to profess his love for you. Should I pass you to him?"  
  
"Lucas!" she laughed. "Sure, let me talk to him. I love you."  
  
"Love you, too." I handed the phone to Keith.  
  
"Keep it clean, kids, I can still hear you," I joked.  
  
Keith whacked the back of my head. "Ow!"  
  
"Give him another one from me," I heard Mom say from the other end of the phone." Keith whacked my head again.  
  
"That hurts me, Mom." I shouted, so she could hear me.  
  
I heard her laugh, Keith chuckled and then said, "Your son is a smartass, Karen."  
  
"I knew he was picking up the language from you!" she exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, sorry about that. I'll make him stop."  
  
Mom laughed again. I missed her. Keith did, too apparently. The look of longing in his eyes made me think I was not that far from the truth about Keith professing his love for her. 


	9. Denial

"Lucas Scott."  
  
Huh? That's my name, right? I was awaken from my sleepy stupor.  
  
Mr. Davis put a pink not on my desk. It read, "Report to the office. Immediently."  
  
Whitey was pulling me out of class to start killing me? I considered making a run for it, but when I left the class, the principal was standing there.  
  
"Lucas," he said solemnly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You need to go straight home. I'll give you a ride."  
  
I followed Mr. Andrews to his car, thinking the worst. Keith got into a car accident.  
  
"What's going on?" I asked.  
  
"It's not really my place." Was all he would say.  
  
Keith was fine. He opened the door as we pulled into the driveway.  
  
His face was white, drained of all color.  
  
"What the hell is going on?"  
  
Mr. Andrews nodded at Keith. Keith thanked him for bringing me home and Mr. Andrews left.  
  
"Lucas, sit down."  
  
"I don't want to sit down. I want to know what the hell is wrong."  
  
"This lady who is in the cooking class with your mom just called. When she didn't show up for class today, she got worried and went to check on her."  
  
"She's okay, right? Mom is fine."  
  
Keith shook his head. "She had a brain aneurism."  
  
"What does that mean?" My heart was beating very fast. I wished I was sitting, my head was spinning. "We need to go. Is she in the hospital?"  
  
"She's dead, Luke." Keith's mouth creased at the sides. He was about to cry. His eyes were welling with tears.  
  
"No, no she's not. I just talked to her. She's fine. She's in Italy. She's coming back in two weeks."  
  
Keith shook his head.  
  
"No. No, Keith! She's not dead! They are thinking of someone else. Someone else's...mom." The end was cut off because of my choked sobs.  
  
Keith started crying, but he didn't argue with me. What was he doing crying? This couldn't be right. She was fine. I talked to her last night. He was with me.  
  
"She can't be. She's not-"  
  
Keith wiped his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Lucas."  
  
"No!" I threw a small lamp Mom and I decorated one Christmas together at the window. Pieces of glass flew across the room making rainbows dance across the walls for a second before they landed and the chill from the cold outside air penetrated the house. I threw an art book at a mirror. I kept throwing things and shouting until Keith grabbed my arms. "Lucas." He said softly. He didn't need to say anymore. I cried. He held me and rocked me back and forth. I buried my face in the flannel of his button-down shirt. He rubbed my back with one hand and put the other hand on the back on my head. I felt my knees give way. I was no longer standing on my own. Keith continued holding me. His warm tears landed on my shoulder.  
  
"It's not true." I kept repeating softly.  
  
I clawed his back, grabbing and pulling at his shirt. I'm sure I was hurting him, but he didn't show any signs of pain. He didn't try to shush me or contradict my denial. I think he wanted my statements to be true just as much as I did.  
  
We must have stood there in the living room for an hour, Keith holding me tighter than I had ever been held. Eventually, the tears were gone. I had nothing left to cry. My stomach ached from the convulsions of heaving crying. I tried to keep crying, but nothing came. I felt sick. I ran to the bathroom and vomited.  
  
Keith stood in the doorway. His face was red and tearstained. I didn't like it. He had to be strong, he had to hold me together.  
  
"You should probably eat something," he choked out.  
  
I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."  
  
"Yeah, I'm not either."  
  
We sat down on the couch. He put his arm around me. I wasn't ready to hold myself together yet.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Luke. I loved her a lot, too, you know?"  
  
"She wasn't your mom," I countered. For some reason I thought it had to be clear that I loved her more than he did.  
  
"I know that. When I took her to the airport, she kissed me."  
  
"You kissed my mom?"  
  
He nodded, and smiled to himself a weak smile. "She was an amazing person, your mom."  
  
"She IS an amazing person!" I shouted.  
  
Keith nodded. I found some more tears somewhere in the back of my skull and Keith held me again while I let them out.  
  
"It's not fair!" I said into his shirt. "She's all I have."  
  
"You have me."  
  
"You're not my mom." I said.  
  
"I know, Lucas, I know." 


	10. Cheaterpants

Note: Winnie, I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my grandma a few months ago and these next few chapters are kind of my "get it all out" story. And Lil Dreamer, more characters are coming.  
  
Disclaimer: This chapter has a few f-bombs. (That means the f-word, kids.) : ) Skip it if that offends you.  
  
I fell asleep on Keith, crying into his shirt. I slept through most of the next three days. I didn't go to school, or eat, or do anything except for sleep. I became a true zombie and it was scaring Keith. He did not open the shop. I knew it was hurting his business, but I wanted him there with me. Most of the time anyway. Then once he was sitting with me, I wanted to be alone. There was no winning.  
  
I couldn't cry anymore. The gut wrenching sobs that took over my body the day I found out she died, were gone. Crying seemed so insignificant. I needed a stronger way to get rid of my pain. It hurt to keep it inside. It hurt somewhere in the region of my stomach. If there was really a pit in my stomach, that's where it would be hurting. I ached all the time. Occasionally, I would watch some TV, but there were always parents and kids and it made me mad. I threw a few more objects until Keith shut off the TV.  
  
He handed me a pillow. "Throw that, or punch it. Do whatever. It's easier to clean up."  
  
Keith had a window repairman come fix the window. I slept through it.  
  
Keith called all the necessary relatives, and arranged for Mom's body to be brought back home to be buried.  
  
Keith made us milkshakes in an effort to get me to eat. He put one of the milkshakes in the Minnie Mouse cup.  
  
"Here, Luke," he handed the Mickey Mouse cup to me while I was still sitting on the couch. "You need some nourishment in your body."  
  
I grabbed the Minnie mouse cup from him and threw it violently in the trash.  
  
Keith just stared at me.  
  
"She left me!" I screamed. "She was the only parent I had left and she up and fucking left me!"  
  
"Lucas..." he said softly.  
  
"Don't 'Lucas' me. She left me an orphan. She goes to some fucking school on the other side of the fucking planet and then never comes back!"  
  
Keith said nothing. I punched the pillow Keith labeled "Lucas's violence pillow" until I broke down and started sobbing again. Keith sat at the kitchen table and stopped watching me. When my sobs were calm enough so that I could hear him speak he said softly, "please eat something, Luke."  
  
There was a lot for me to choose from to eat. Deb came by and delivered what seemed like the entire café to us. Whitey, Jake , Peyton, Brooke, Haley and other acquaintances came. I was asleep, but Keith told me they stopped by. Everyone who came brought food. I had no desire to eat. But I had put Keith through hell, I figured I could do him one favor and eat.  
  
I picked at the variety of foods Keith heated up for me. Keith stared at his plate and I stared at mine, neither of us saying anything. We were strangers, inhabiting the same space, but saying nothing to each other.  
  
My days were spent either breaking things or sleeping. Keith did not know how to handle it. He tried.  
  
"Lucas, I know this is really hard for you. Hell, it's really hard for me, and I'm not 16."  
  
I said nothing.  
  
"But we need to talk about a funeral."  
  
I looked at him. He looked away. "That look you have is breaking my heart, Luke." He said.  
  
I looked back at my mutilated pot roast.  
  
He handed me brochures for coffins. "Do you want to look? I can just pick one if you would like."  
  
"She would want a grass coffin. Like the Jews have."  
  
I remembered watching a documentary about death passages on the Discovery Channel with her one day when I was sick and she stayed home with me.  
  
"That's a good idea." She told me after seeing the grass coffin. "There's no point in spending a ton of money on something that's going in the ground. Plus, you return to the Earth. That's kind of cool in a twisted, really gross sort of way."  
  
I smiled inside at the memory. I wasn't capable of smiling of the outside. Mom talked to herself when she thought I was sleeping.  
  
"Okay," Keith agreed. "I'll arrange for that. "Do you want to speak?" He asked me.  
  
"I don't want to go." I said.  
  
He looked sadly at me. "You'll regret not going. You maybe angry with her now, but you'll want that closure later."  
  
"I'll go," I said, "I just don't want to. This shouldn't be happening."  
  
"I know, Luke." Keith shook his head.  
  
"Yes, I'll speak."  
  
"Is there anyone else you want to speak?"  
  
"Haley," I suggested. "And you."  
  
He nodded. "I can do that for you." He said.  
  
"No, do it for Mom." That made me cry again. Keith handed me a napkin.  
  
He waited for me to stop crying before asking me about the music.  
  
"Play something Beatles, she loves them."  
  
"Do you think we should play something more mood appropriate?"  
  
"Play the fucking Beatles, Keith!" I shouted.  
  
Keith made a note on the paper he was writing on, but made no comment about my outburst.  
  
"Any other suggestion?" he asked.  
  
"Sarah MacLaughlin. There's your mood music."  
  
"Lucas-"he started, but then decided against saying anything that might set me off again.  
  
The doorbell rang. We looked at each other, neither one of us wanting to answer it. I peeked through the window. It was Peyton.  
  
I opened the door, forgetting that my face was red and tear-streaked and I hadn't showered in almost a week.  
  
"Hi, Lucas," she said.  
  
I motioned for her to come in.  
  
"Hi," Keith said to Peyton. "I'm just going to go...away." He said. He took his car keys and told me to leave a note if I go anywhere.  
  
"You look like hell," she said to me.  
  
I smiled. Gotta love Peyton.  
  
"So, I'm really sorry about your mom. I know that doesn't help, at all, but I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you. If you need anything. Anything at all-"  
  
"Let's go out." I said, interrupting her attempt at sympathy..  
  
"What?"  
  
"Out. To a bar. Let's go."  
  
"Um, okay." She said slowly.  
  
I changed clothes for the first time since I found out my mom died.  
  
Peyton drove to the bar. We were early. It was 8. Too early to go to a bar for most people. I wanted alcohol.  
  
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Lucas. I mean emotional drinking isn't really-"  
  
'My mom just died, Peyton. I want some fucking beer."  
  
She nodded and said, "Two coronas with lime" to the bartender.  
  
"It's the only good stuff," she said, handing me mine.  
  
"Do you want to talk about anything?" She asked, cautiously, afraid I was going to erupt at any moment. It wasn't an irrational belief.  
  
"No, I want to get wasted."  
  
She didn't argue, but she did buy me beers. Six to be exact.  
  
She drank as much as I did meaning that she was not fit to drive home. The bartender who was closing up took pity on us and took us both to Peyton's house. Her house was dark and empty.  
  
"You know, Peyton. I hate this world." I said. "Just when things are going okay, it shuts down on you and you are left an orphan."  
  
Peyton said nothing. She laid [lay? layed? whatever] down on her bed.  
  
I got on top of her.  
  
"Lucas," she warned.  
  
"Tell me you don't want me," I challenged her.  
  
"I do want you, but you're with Brooke."  
  
I kissed her. Peyton hesitated, but kissed me back. We made out until all of our clothing was scattered around her bedroom. I found a condom in my wallet. Keith must have put it there. My dear old uncle, making sure I got laid. And laid I got. We fell asleep afterwards, next to each other in Peyton's bed, naked.  
  
"Lucas," Peyton shook me. "Lucas!" she sounded panicked. "I missed the whole morning of school!" she said. She was digging through her closet for something to wear.  
  
"Just skip the rest of the day," I groaned. I was never what you would call a morning person. My headache didn't really help. Damn hangover.  
  
"No! I need to go to school. You need to leave." She instructed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Lucas, you cheated on Brooke. With me." She buried her face in her hands and shook her head.  
  
"It's not like you were stopping me," I objected. "You were there, too."  
  
"We have to tell her." She said, finally taking a pause from destroying her dresser in search of clothes.  
  
"No! No we don't. She'll never find out." I said.  
  
"Look, I don't have time to think about this right now. I'm going to school."  
  
She pulled her hair into a ponytail while I got dressed. She wasn't talking to me anymore. She put some makeup on and brushed her teeth to cover up the combination of morning breath and alcohol. I never understood how people on tv kiss right after they wake up. Morning breath, anyone. Gross.  
  
She threw some books in her backpack and walked quickly out of the house, without saying a word to me. I followed her.  
  
"Dammit! My car is gone!"  
  
"It's still at the bar." I said.  
  
She started walking.  
  
"Where are you going?" I asked.  
  
"To school."  
  
"Walking?"  
  
"Do you have another idea?"  
  
I didn't.  
  
"Come to my house after school and I'll take you to get your car."  
  
"Fine," she agreed, like it was causing her pain to do so.  
  
She started walking again. I stared after her. 


	11. Martha Lansing, Child Services

The walk back to my house took twenty minutes. Not enough time for me to work out a genius story to tell Keith about why I didn't come home. I couldn't even remember if I had left a note saying that I went out. I hadn't.  
  
"Where the hell have you been?!" Keith yelled the second I walked in the door.  
  
I didn't need to answer. He wasn't done yelling. "I asked you to leave a note and you just take off, without calling or coming home. Dammit, Lucas, I just lost someone I care about, you can't leave me, too!"  
  
"You lost someone?! She was my goddamn mother!"  
  
"You are grounded!" He shouted.  
  
"You're not my mother. You have no right to punish me anymore. I don't belong to you in any way." I shouted. Mom would have been pissed if she heard me talking to my uncle like that.  
  
The doorbell rang, but we ignored it, hoping the person would just leave the casserole and get the hell out of our way.  
  
"You have no parents! I'm all you have left, so you'll deal with it. You are grounded!"  
  
I turned around. I didn't want him to see how much that last statement stung.  
  
He sighed, "I didn't mean that."  
  
I didn't turn around. He walked around me so he was facing me, "Luke, I'm sorry-"  
  
He must have smelled the alcohol on my clothes. "You were drinking again! I can't believe it. You promised me no more drinking and then the first night you go out again, you drink!"  
  
The doorbell rang again.  
  
"I can do whatever the hell I want to! You said it yourself, I'm an orphan, a fucking orphan."  
  
"Stop talking like that!"  
  
"You taught me, Keith. You taught me to talk like this. Your fucking side of the family gave me this need for alcohol." I spotted a bottle of vodka on the counter. "Right." I scoffed, "You lecture me about drinking? Sober for 16 years, Keith?! Bullshit."  
  
That got him. Keith whacked the back of my head. Hard. I wobbled with the force of the blow. Jesus, that hurt. My eyes watered from the pain.  
  
"You're not the only one who lost her, Lucas." He said softly.  
  
The doorbell started ringing incessantly.  
  
Keith went to open it, "What the hell do you want?"  
  
"I'm Martha Lansing, from Child Services. I'm here to take Lucas into custody of the state."  
  
"What?!" Keith and I said together. I turned to wipe my eyes and then looked back at her in disbelief.  
  
"I was here to interview the two of you to see what you wanted to do about Lucas's living situation, but what I just witnessed through the door was enough for me to know that this is not a safe environment for Lucas to finish his teenage years. I'm going to have to take him with me."  
  
"No, you're not taking him anywhere," Keith said, "Lucas is staying with me."  
  
"You just hit the boy!" She exclaimed. Keith looked down. "There's open alcohol bottles in the kitchen, this place is a mess and he looks like he hasn't eaten in days. This looks like an abusive situation. I will not allow him to continue living here."  
  
"No, it's not like that." I objected, ignoring the ringing that was starting in my ears.  
  
She raised an eyebrow at me.  
  
"You have a lot of explaining to do if you want to keep this boy," she told Keith. "I'll send someone over later to interview you, but for now, Lucas is coming with me."  
  
"No I'm not. I'm staying with Keith."  
  
"Lucas." She began.  
  
"You're not taking him," Keith said assertively.  
  
"Why? So you can hit him some more?"  
  
"Look, I'm sorry. We're both going through a hard time right now. I need him. He needs me."  
  
"No, Mr. Scott, I'm sorry. I can't let him stay with you. Go get a change of clothes, Lucas. I can send someone over later to get the rest of your things."  
  
"I'm not leaving."  
  
"I'm sorry, sweetie, but you have no choice."  
  
"I do have a choice. I'm 16."  
  
"That doesn't give you a choice. That means you have to come with me. Please go get some clothes and a toothbrush."  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Listen, if you don't come, I'm going to have to have your uncle arrested for obstruction of child services and possibly kidnapping. With an arrest on his record, there's no way you will get to live with him. Go get your things."  
  
I looked sadly at Keith.  
  
"You'd better go with her, Lucas."  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Lucas! Go." Keith demanded. "I'll get you back, I promise."  
  
I ran to him before the Martha Lansing, child services could stop me. I hugged him tightly and sobbed into his shirt again. I think that brings the total of Lucas tear soiled shirts to eight. Keith smoothed my hair, despite the fact that it was a lost cause to try to do anything with my hair.  
  
"Mr. Scott. If you stop me from taking him, I will have you arrested."  
  
"Don't let her, Keith." I cried.  
  
He gave me one last squeeze and let me go. I didn't let go of him. My arms were still gripped tightly around his middle. Martha Lansing, Child Services called for backup. I stayed clinged to Keith until a large man came and pried my hands off Keith's back.  
  
"Keith!" I called.  
  
Keith looked away. How could he do this to me? He was supposed to keep me safe. He was the only one left who cared anything about me and he just let them take me.  
  
"Please go get some clothes," Martha Lansing, Child Services tried again.  
  
I kept staring at the back of Keith head.  
  
"He can't help you right now, Lucas."  
  
I didn't move.  
  
"Lucas. Get some clothes." She repeated, more stern this time.  
  
The man who pried me off of Keith gave me a mean look, like that was going to make me cooperate.  
  
"I highly suggest you listen to Miss Lansing, Lucas." Big man said.  
  
"I'll get him clothes." Keith suggested.  
  
I followed him to my room. He took my gym bag that was next to the door and took some clothes from my closet.  
  
I took the clothes back out of the bag.  
  
"How can you let them take me?" I demanded of his, struggling to keep my voice steady.  
  
"What choice do I have, Luke?"  
  
"Stop them!"  
  
He looked about 10 years older than I had ever seen him. He held my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do right now."  
  
"There has to be something! Don't let them!"  
  
He took the bag from me and packed some clothes. "Would you get a toothbrush, please, Lucas?"  
  
Keith had given up. He wasn't going to try to stop them.  
  
"How could you?! You're just going to let these strangers take me away?"  
  
He looked down.  
  
I gave him back the bag.  
  
"Fine! If you aren't going to try to stop them, I don't wanna live here anyway!" Keith opened his mouth to say something but I turned to Martha, "Where do you want me?" 


	12. SuperWhitey

Martha Lansing, Child Services drove me to the child services office. It was downtown in the ghetto. I didn't even know Tree Hill had a ghetto. She handed me a tissue but I wouldn't take it.  
  
"Lucas, I know this is a very difficult time for you, but-"  
  
"If you knew anything about me, you would have left me with Keith," I snapped.  
  
"Luke, I saw him hit you."  
  
How was I supposed to answer that? Yeah, it was wrong. I would have been furious with Keith if Martha Lansing, Child Service didn't come take me away. I might still be pissed that Keith just let them take me, but he was still the only one I wanted to live with. I mean, who else did I have?  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked, she probably meant my head, where he hit me.  
  
"No! You just plucked me out of my home and won't tell me where you are taking me. I'm not a fucking child!"  
  
"Lucas, there is no need for that kind of language. Does your uncle permit you to talk like that?"  
  
I shook my head slightly, I wasn't going to give her a complete head shake.  
  
"Does he hit you when you do?"  
  
I shook my head again.  
  
"Where are you taking me?" I asked again.  
  
"We are going to the child services building to find out where to send you until an investigation of Keith is completed."  
  
"I'm 16, that means I can choose who I want to live with."  
  
"You can choose which parent you want to live with. Keith is not your father."  
  
Funny, that's what I just told him. Now I wished it wasn't true.  
  
"I already lost my mother, can't you leave me with the closest thing to a father I have?"  
  
"If Keith is truly a good guardian for you, you may return to him."  
  
"You're taking as much from me as you possibly can, aren't you? Next I'm going to find out it was you people who killed my mother."  
  
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Lucas, but we have your best interests in mind."  
  
"By taking me away from my home and my uncle, you have my best interests in mind? Am I going to live in an orphanage now? Yeah, that's what I call 'best interests.'"  
  
If I had said that to Keith in that tone he would have told me to watch my mouth, but Martha Lansing, Child Services, just said, "If we can get your natural father to keep you until the investigation is complete, you won't have to go to a group home."  
  
"Natural father? That's where you're sending me? If you want an abusive situation, that's it."  
  
She had had enough of me. "Lucas, would you please go wait in the other room?" She pointed to a room with a play area for young children. There were day care teachers around and a television that was playing Lady and the Tramp.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not a child, Miss Lansing."  
  
While she tried to think of the right thing to say to get me to go wait in the baby room, I spotted a complete works of Steinbeck book.  
  
"He's the best," I pointed at the book.  
  
"Oh, yeah," she agreed. "Now is the Winter of our Discontent is my favorite."  
  
"Mine, too," I smiled. "My, uh, mom used to read it to me. That was actually the last book she gave me."  
  
She smiled. "I'm sorry, Lucas. I'm sorry about your mom. I went to school with her. She was my lab partner. I was the first one she told when she was pregnant with you."  
  
I looked down. I was about to cry again, and I didn't want her think I was weak.  
  
"Then do her a favor," I choked, "Let me stay with Keith."  
  
She took a deep breath, "I wish I could, Lucas."  
  
Mom read to me long after I could read to myself. When the Harry Potter books came out she read them to me. We would start a fire in the fireplace, actually I would start the fire, because she was afraid of matches, and roast marshmallows in the small fire. Usually Haley would come to join us and we would pass the book around, each reading a chapter.  
  
She gave me the Steinbeck book and went to call my father in another office. I tried to read some of it, but I heard it in Mom's voice. She was never going to read it to me again. I couldn't shake that feeling. She was never going to cheer at another basketball game. She wouldn't be at my graduation. When I moved to college, she wouldn't be there helping me. I was angry with her for leaving me, and then I was angry with myself for thinking that. It was better than feeling sad. Anything was better than feeling sad. My eyes welled with tears. I slammed the book back down on the table. How could she leave me?  
  
Last week I had a mom and an uncle who was going to date my mom when she got back. Now I had a duffle bag of clothes, and I didn't know where I was going to spend the night. What happened?  
  
Martha Lansing, Child Services came back in the room before I had too much time to think about it, and I was thankful.  
  
"Well, Lucas, you get to stay with your father tonight."  
  
"Get to?"  
  
"Yes, better than the group home, right?"  
  
I picked up my duffle bag and followed her to her car. She could make me stay with Dan, but she wasn't going to make me like it.  
  
Once Martha Lansing left, Keith called Whitey. He wasn't going to let himself cry. Losing Karen was enough. There was no way he was losing Lucas, too.  
  
"Whitey, It's Keith." Keith couldn't hold it together anymore. "Can you come over?" He sobbed into the phone.  
  
Whitey was over in less than 5 minutes. He may not be a fast runner anymore, but when he was needed, there he was.  
  
Keith opened the door.  
  
"Keith, what happened?"  
  
Keith held himself together long enough to say, "Then took him, Whitey. Child Services came and saw us fighting. I hit Lucas and they took him away."  
  
"What? Where is he?"  
  
Keith shrugged. "The lady said that this was not a suitable environment and she was going to arrest me if I didn't let her take him. You should have seen him, Coach, she had to call in reinforcement to pry him off me." Keith shook his head sadly.  
  
"You've got to get him back."  
  
"How?"  
  
"First clean up this dump. What have you been doing here?" Whitey looked around. Tissue was everywhere. There were blankets scattered around and all kinds of food was sitting on the counter. No one took the time to wrap it up and put it in the fridge.  
  
Whitey found a plastic bag and started picking up trash. Keith just watched him.  
  
"Come on, Keith, they're probably coming back, you need to get that kid back."  
  
Keith picked up a blanket and began folding... 


	13. Whitey continues to regulate

As Martha Lansing, Child Services was taking me to her car, we ran into Whitey.  
  
"Coach?" I was confused, seeing him out of context. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Getting you." He said, without actually making eye contact with me. He looked at Martha, "Where are you taking him?"  
  
She didn't ask who he was. They must know each other. Whitey could very well be her grandfather.  
  
"I can't disclose that information," she said.  
  
"Tell me, Martha. Where are you taking him?" I had never heard Whitey sound so intimidating, and he was my coach.  
  
She looked around. There was no one else in the parking lot.  
  
"He's going to his father's house."  
  
"No he's not. You know his father. He cannot stay with Dan." It was not a question. It was a command.  
  
Her voice was shaking. She was trying to remain Martha Lansing, Child Services, but she was starting to turn into Martha Lansing, Human Being. Who knew? "I'm sorry, but he first goes to a relative, and Dan is his father."  
  
"He should be with Keith."  
  
"Keith is under investigation right now."  
  
"Then give him to me."  
  
What? Whitey wanted to take me?  
  
"I'm afraid I cannot do that," if she was talking any quieter, no one would be able to hear her.  
  
Whitey spotted the cell phone on a clip on her belt. He snatched it and began dialing before she had a chance to stop him.  
  
"You can't take that!" she exclaimed, but the small woman wasn't going to get in Whitey's way. He was already dialing.  
  
"Danny? Hi this is Whitey." Short pause. Not long enough for Dan to have answered. "I know you thought you were taking Lucas for a little while, but you're not." Another half-pause. "I'm keeping him. Bye."  
  
He handed her the cell phone. "He said it was fine."  
  
"Mr. Durham!" She exclaimed, but she didn't really have any choice.  
  
Whitey took my duffle bag from me. "Let's go, Lucas."  
  
"Keith will call me when he gets Lucas back," Whitey told Martha.  
  
Whitey walked quickly back to his car. I looked at Martha, looking for direction, but she was still staring disbelievingly at Whitey's retreating back. They must have left the "what to do when your ex-teacher takes the child you are transporting" chapter out of her child services handbook. I followed Whitey, running to catch up.  
  
He got in the car and started it without saying anything to me. I jumped in and fastened my seatbelt. Whitey looked angry, very angry.  
  
"How did you-"I asked.  
  
"Keith called me when they came and took you," he said shortly, before I could finish the question.  
  
"How is he?"  
  
"A mess. We cleaned the house and prepared him for the investigators. You should be able to go home soon."  
  
"Thanks, Whitey." I said quietly. I was really starting to feel guilty for telling Keith I didn't want to live with him. It wasn't true.  
  
"No crying in my car, Scott." He said firmly. I smiled at him.  
  
"Who do those bastards think they are?" he asked loudly as he pulled into his garage. "You just lost your mom, Keith just lost his girlfriend and they separate you from each other." Whitey was outraged by this.  
  
He took my duffle bag out of the car. He opened the door with his key and I followed him inside.  
  
Keith was sitting at the kitchen table. "Keith!" I exclaimed.  
  
Keith held his arms out and beckoned for me to enter; I did. We hugged and he rubbed my back, like when I was younger and he was trying to get me stop crying.  
  
"Can I get you ladies anything to drink?" Whitey grinned at us.  
  
"Water please," Keith said.  
  
"Yeah, me, too," I said.  
  
Whitey gave us our water in chipped glasses. We all sat down at Whitey's kitchen table. He had to get out a folding chair for me to sit in.  
  
"Don't usually have guests," he said, explaining his lack of chairs.  
  
"What's going on?" I asked.  
  
"Child Services came to investigate me," Keith said.  
  
"What happened?" I asked.  
  
"They think I'm abusing you."  
  
"Did you convince them you aren't?"  
  
Keith shook his head, "I don't know, Luke, she saw me hit you."  
  
I looked down.  
  
"I'm sorry, Luke. I shouldn't have hit you."  
  
"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have said what I did."  
  
"Stop ladies. You're going to make me cry." Whitey added.  
  
Keith shook his head, trying to stop feeling emotion that Whitey would disapprove of.  
  
"So how do I get Lucas back?" Keith asked Whitey.  
  
"Okay, first, you don't see him until the court says you can, but you already blew that one."  
  
"They can't stop me from seeing my nephew," Keith said.  
  
"Yes, Keith, yes they can. We're hoping it doesn't come to that."  
  
Keith sighed heavily.  
  
"Next you need to prove that you can take care of a child."  
  
"I'm not a child!" I objected.  
  
"You are under 21, you are a child. You have no control over your future, and you have to face that." Whitey said harshly.  
  
"What control do I have?" Keith asked.  
  
"You have a job, that gives you points. Karen left Lucas in your care, which means that she thinks you can take care of him. I'll vouch for you that you are a good guardian. Do you know other people who would say that Luke should stay with you?"  
  
"Deb?" Keith suggested. Whitey wrote it down.  
  
"How do you know all this?" I asked.  
  
"I used to be a lawyer, Luke," he gestured at the law books sitting at the table. I didn't notice them before. "I spent all morning researching. I think we have a good case, though."  
  
He turned back to Keith, "Anyone else?"  
  
Keith shook his head.  
  
"What about school teachers? Have you been excelling in your classes since you've been in the care of Keith?" Whitey asked me.  
  
I shook my head. "My mom was gone, I took full advantage of the situation."  
  
"That's what I thought." Whitey shook his head.  
  
"There is another way that you would get full custody of Lucas for sure," Whitey suggested timidly, like he was sure it was going to get shot down.  
  
"What?" Keith asked eagerly.  
  
"You could adopt him."  
  
I looked up. It had never crossed my mind that I would ever be adopted. I had a mom. My world had been turned upside down so quickly.  
  
"You would have to get Dan to sign away his rights as a father."  
  
Keith nodded. "I don't know that he would do that. The second he sees it's something I want, he'll decide he wants to keep his rights."  
  
Whitey considered the two of us. "Why don't you two talk it over? First you need to decide if you really want to live together." Keith must have told him what I said earlier. "Then you need to decide if you want custody or adoption. Custody would be easier to get, but could easily be taken away. Basically, you would be in Dan's hands at all times. If he wants Lucas, you're out of the picture, Keith. With adoption, you would be his sole guardian. It would also mean that you are completely responsible for him financially and otherwise for the rest of his life."  
  
Keith nodded. Whitey disappeared into another room. I had never seen the inside of his house before, and I felt like I was intruding. I sipped my water.  
  
"Sucks, huh, Luke?" Keith said. "We have ourselves in a nasty situation."  
  
"Yes we do, Keith."  
  
"First do you want to live with me? I mean, I know you don't have too many other options, but I bet Whitey would take you or Dan-"Keith looked so vulnerable. I didn't like it. He was supposed to be the one holding me up.  
  
"There's always the group home," I suggested.  
  
Keith looked stricken. "Joke, Keith, breathe. Yes, I want to live with you. Nothing would make me happier. Well, except for having Mom back."  
  
"That would make me happier, too, kid," Keith said.  
  
"Are you okay with adoption? Dan and I have never had a good relationship. The second he gets mad at me, he's going to use you to get back at me and that's not fair to you."  
  
I smiled. "You want to adopt me?"  
  
"I would like nothing more."  
  
"Me too," I said.  
  
He smiled and patted my back. "Then it's settled, I'll go get Dan to sign papers tomorrow. Or maybe I should send Whitey. I don't want Danny to know this is something I want."  
  
That was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Adoption seemed like something that would require an emotional meltdown from all the parties involved. I felt like I was supposed be feeling more than I actually was.  
  
"Yo, Whitey, we're done!" I called.  
  
Keith hit my shoulder, "Luke! Be respectful." He whispered.  
  
Whitey appeared again.  
  
"What did you decide?"  
  
"I want to adopt this little bastard," Keith ruffled my hair.  
  
"Alright, first step is proving you're a suitable parent. You need to get out of here and never let anyone know you saw Lucas." He paused, "Also, not calling him a bastard couldn't hurt." He chuckled to himself. Whitey was the only person I knew who actually could "chuckle." The word worked for him.  
  
It was 5pm when Keith left and I was stuck with Whitey. He shut the door after Keith and turned to look at me.  
  
"Well, Scott I think this qualifies as the world's shittiest week for you."  
  
"Well, I lost my mom and my uncle; I would have to agree with you." Plus I cheated on my girlfriend, I wanted to add, but I didn't.  
  
"If you want to go out or something, that's okay with me." He said.  
  
"Thanks, Coach," I said.  
  
"Are you going to go to school in the morning? It's alright if you don't."  
  
The thought of facing Brooke was too much for me. I couldn't make it 6 hours in a row yet without crying, I wasn't ready to face the girl I cheated on. I needed to talk to Peyton.  
  
I shook my head, "No, Coach, I'm not ready."  
  
He nodded, "Okay, be back before ten, though, I'm a light sleeper."  
  
"Okay, Coach."  
  
He tossed me the keys to his car. "If you wreck her, you're fixing her." He said. His ancient Ford Taurus had a gender? I thought only sports cars could have genders.  
  
"You're letting me drive your car?"  
  
"Just don't start crying at the wheel. And don't have sex in her, actually, just don't ever tell me what you do tonight and I'll call us even."  
  
I smiled, "It's a deal." 


	14. A chat with Daddy

I went to Peyton's house.  
  
"Lucas! I went to your house after school like you said but there was no one there. It was wicked clean though, did you have a maid service come?"  
  
"No, Keith must have cleaned."  
  
I didn't tell her about anything that happened with child services. I wanted her to think I was as normal as possible and having Child Services beat down my door didn't really portray "normal."  
  
She invited me in and we sat down on the couch. "Now what?" She asked me.  
  
I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Brooke is really worried about you." I looked away. I really didn't want to think about Brooke. I wanted alcohol.  
  
"Do you have anything to drink?" I asked, interrupting her spiel on, "you won't answer her calls or answer the door when she comes over."  
  
"Nothing hard, if that's what you mean. My dad doesn't exactly leave the house stocked when he leaves his 16 year old home alone."  
  
I didn't say anything, but I still wasn't making eye contact.  
  
"Luke, this whole alcohol thing...are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"You're starting to worry me a little."  
  
"Who made you the mom?" I snapped.  
  
She looked hurt and stood up, not facing me.  
  
"Peyton, I'm sorry."  
  
"No, if you're going to be a jerk than you can leave."  
  
"I'm sorry," I repeated. I reached for her arm, but she pulled it away.  
  
"We have to tell Brooke," she finally spoke.  
  
"No, we don't."  
  
"If you're not going to tell her with me, I'll do it alone. But Luke," she paused an shook her head, "you're turning into a real ass."  
  
"Fine." I said, my temper flaring again. I took my jacket off the back of the couch and left. She didn't come after me.  
  
"Lucas?" Whitey called when I stumbled in the door.  
  
"Yeah," I said.  
  
"Where did you go?" He shook his head before I could answer, "Nevermind, don't answer that. Come here."  
  
He started walking into the depths of his house. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was intruding. We stopped in a room that had obviously not been touched since the 1800s. His wife must have decorated it. There were lilies on the walls and the bedspread was a homemade quilt. My duffle bag was on the quilt.  
  
"This is your room," he told me. He looked around the room like he was seeing it for the first time. Maybe he really hadn't seen it since the 1800s. Or at least the 80s.  
  
"There are towels in the closet if you want to shower. You can eat anything in the kitchen. Keith says you can cook. Practice starts at three pm sharp. I expect you to be there."  
  
"Thanks Coach," I said. He nodded. "No really, I mean it, thanks for not making me stay with Dan."  
  
"Dan would pressure you at basketball and you would buckle. I can't lose you. You're a decent player."  
  
"Thanks... I guess," I was pretty sure there was a compliment in there.  
  
He studied me, and then shook his head and laughed, "Jesus, Lucas. Keith has no idea what he's getting himself into."  
  
"I think he does. We've been living together for the past month."  
  
"Yeah, he told me about your previous drunken nights. Smart not to pull that tonight, Scott."  
  
I looked at my shoes.  
  
"Oh, just go to bed, Scott. I'll talk to you at practice."  
  
He turned to leave, but stopped in the doorway. "Lucas, don't go see Keith. If Child Services knew you were seeing each other, they would not react well, don't risk it."  
  
I nodded. "You think he'll get me back, though, right?"  
  
Whitey just shrugged, "I really hope so, Luke."  
  
"By the way," he said. "I saw Haley today, she is in hysterics. You won't return her calls."  
  
Keith had been answering all the calls and taking messages for me. I hadn't looked at them yet. He told me that she came by a few times, but I was either sleeping or not up for visitors.  
  
"I'll call her tomorrow, thanks Coach."  
  
He nodded and went to bed.  
  
As thankful as I was not to have to stay with Dan, I didn't want to stay with Whitey. I felt like I was intruding on his life. I liked him being my coach and nothing more. This whole father figure thing wasn't working for me.  
  
I woke up hungry. I think it was the first time I had an actual desire to eat something since mom died. Keith made me eat at least a sandwich everyday, but if he didn't practically force feed me, I wouldn't have eaten. I explored the kitchen, opening several doors looking for a pantry. It felt so wrong, searching Coach's house. I got out all the ingredients to make an omelet. I made a mental note to call mom and ask her why hers tasted better than mine. Then I realized she was gone. I wasn't hungry anymore. My stomach ached again. I sat down on the couch and watched TV, but Whitey didn't have cable, only the broadcast channels. I wasn't up for Lindsay/Megan/Jessica's pregnancy or the fact that she thought the father of her baby was in a coma, but would later return with amnesia. I shut the TV off.  
  
It was 10:00. I considered going back to sleep, like I had been doing at home, but I felt so unproductive. I needed to talk to Dan, but the thought of seeing him made my stomach hurt more. I needed Keith.  
  
Ignoring Whitey's orders, I went to see Keith. I walked to the shop and looked at all the cars. They were all regulars, cars I had once worked on. No Martha Lansing, Child Services. I heard Keith's voice. He was yelling, "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! That bastard! Once he knows I want something, he'll do anything in his power to stop it!"  
  
Who was he talking to? I peered through the little window, but I still couldn't see anything. It was Whitey's voice that answered, "Keith," he said soothingly, trying to get my uncle to stop yelling. It was no use.  
  
"That idiot has stopped me from getting anything good since we were kids! He got the car I wanted, the job I wanted, the girl I wanted..."  
  
Whitey must have looked confused because Keith explained, "I liked Karen long before he started dating her. But he heard me talking to one of my friends, and he started dating her the next day. I thought she was too good for me, I mean she was a beautiful cheerleader with an amazing personality. We could talk for hours, and she made me feel so happy. He started dating her the next day." He hit something. "Bastard!"  
  
"Keith, there's still hope."  
  
"He said no, Whitey. He has to give up his rights for me to keep Lucas."  
  
"The kid can still live with you if you're not his legal parent."  
  
"You know what he told me?" Keith asked.  
  
"I talked to him this morning and I thought Nathan was at his mom's house, but when Nathan walked in the room he said, 'I need at least one good basketball player.'" Keith shook his head. "I can't give Luke to him. He's trying to get to Nathan. He pisses off me, Nathan and Lucas in one shot. He's mad at me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause I almost got the girl in the end," he smiled.  
  
"I'll talk to Dan," Whitey volunteered.  
  
"No, he hates you, you'll just be incentive to why he should say no."  
  
"Well, you could always fight him in court. How bad do you want to keep this kid?"  
  
"Whatever it takes. I'm not losing him, Whitey. That kid is the closest thing I have to family, and I'm all he has, too. No one's taking him away from me, especially not Danny."  
  
I smiled to myself. I didn't want to hear anymore. Hearing what Keith was going to have to do to keep me was going to make me feel bad, and I didn't want to deal with that at the moment. I went to see Dan. At least I wouldn't feel bad taking my anger out on him.  
  
"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in," Dan said when I knocked on the door to his office. He was looking up carfax reports and doing other car salesmen type paperwork.  
  
I said nothing. I was trying not to explode. If I could have my way, I would have taken the little Dodge truck gold paperweight and hit him hard over the head with it. That would have taken care of him, I've seen CSI.  
  
"What do you want, Lucas?"  
  
"I've never asked you for anything in my life," I said.  
  
"That's why I asked what you want."  
  
"Sign the papers, Dan."  
  
"What papers?"  
  
"You know damn well what papers. Keith talked to you this morning. The adoption papers."  
  
"Oh," he said, as if he was just now comprehending. Yeah, right, like he would forget his brother asking to adopt his son. "those papers."  
  
"Yeah, those papers. You've never been any kind of father to me, why don't you just sign the papers?"  
  
"You want to be raised by my brother?"  
  
"Raised? I'm grown already. I want Keith to adopt me. And I want you to give up your rights and stay away from me, as you've done beautifully for my entire life."  
  
"And why should I do that?"  
  
"This can be the one thing you ever do for me...ever."  
  
"And why would I want to do something for you?"  
  
"Because I'm your son! Dammit, Dan, I don't care if you want to have nothing to do with me. Fine. Don't. I'll make it really easy. Sign the papers and I'll be out of your life forever."  
  
He said nothing.  
  
"If you don't want to do it for me, do it for my mom. I know you loved her. You just wanted to steal her from Keith, but you ended up falling for her. She was the best person you ever knew. She made you happy. When she smiled, your life was complete. And she made you laugh. You never felt stupid when she was with you..."  
  
"How do you know all that?" He demanded, cutting me off.  
  
"I heard Keith talking," I confessed.  
  
"I never told Keith that stuff." He looked nervous.  
  
"She was my mom. She was the only thing I had, but she more than covered for your lack of parenting. But I knew her better than you ever will." I looked down and swallowed my tears, struggling to keep my voice steady. "You gave her up, that was your loss, but I didn't have a choice. Do her this last favor and sign the damn papers."  
  
He started at me for awhile without saying anything, until someone called his name. "Just a second," he yelled to the other thief, I mean car salesman.  
  
"I'll make you a deal," he said, finally.  
  
I crossed my arms. A deal with Dan Scott? How stupid did he think I was? Obviously, all my intelligence came from Mom.  
  
"I sign these papers, and Keith can adopt you or whatever the hell you guys are planning."  
  
I nodded. This was sounding like a good deal so far. What was the next part, he wanted my soul in return?  
  
"And you don't come back here. I am not part of your life anymore."  
  
"You never were part of my life." I spat, it took great effort not to add "bastard" or "asshole" to the end of that sentence.  
  
"I'm not done. I sign these papers, and you quit the basketball team. You're done, no school ball and no ball in college. You let Whitey give Nathan his spot back on the team and go away."  
  
"No way!" I objected.  
  
"Fine, you can forget the papers, then. We'll see how the judge likes Keith over me for your father, seeing as you have my blood and Keith is an alcoholic."  
  
"You bastard!"  
  
He smiled. "Quit the team, Lucas. Take it or leave it."  
  
I turned around fully prepared to storm out of the dealership, "Oh and Lucas," he said in a smiling voice, "Don't tell Whitey. I would hate for him to find out that Keith is an alcoholic."  
  
I ran off and slammed the door behind me. I ran around the block a few times, trying to work off the aggression I felt. I needed something to punch. I thought about all the damage I caused to the house the night Mom died, and the violence pillow Keith gave me. Mom used to do that too. When I was mad at something, she would take me to do something active, or give me playdoh to attack. And now that I thought about it, most times that I was mad it was because of Dan. Damn him.  
  
I wanted to talk to Keith, together we could plan the demise of Dan, but there was a chance Whitey was still there. I didn't want to risk him seeing me trying to visit Keith.  
  
I looked at my watch, 12:17. It was lunchtime. I decided to go to get Haley. She should be at lunch. 


	15. Hales

Note: Great suggestions, although I still like the zombies... Don't worry, Winnie, I won't kill her. It's too easy. And Winnie, fine, I'll admit, I have a fear of rejection. But here I go, facing my fear...  
  
I sneaked past the secretary's office. No one tried to stop me. They must all knew about my mom. I could probably throw a stink bomb while swearing at the principal and no one would stop me. Too bad I was in no mood to take advantage of the situation.  
  
"Haley!" I spotted her in the cafeteria. She got up and ran to me, wrapping her arms around me.  
  
"Where have you been? I've been so worried about you! Keith told me about your mom, I'm so sorry, Luke." There were tears streaming down her face. That didn't take long.  
  
"Why wouldn't you talk to me?" She asked when she finally let me go.  
  
I shrugged, "I really didn't want to talk to anyone."  
  
"Oh, Lucas!" she hugged me again. "I miss her so much, you know?"  
  
I nodded. "Let's get out of here," I suggested.  
  
"What? Just leave?"  
  
"Yeah, my mom just died, they're not going to stop me."  
  
She nodded. "You always were the little sneak," she smiled.  
  
"And that's why you love me," I smiled too.  
  
"Sure, let's go, just a second."  
  
She went back to her table and stuffed her books in her backpack. It was bulging like always, I think she went through at least 3 backpacks a year because they all rip at the seams.  
  
I followed her. Nathan walked up carrying two sodas. He handed one to her.  
  
"Nathan, I have to go," she said. She gestured at me. "I'm leaving with Luke now. Call you later?"  
  
He looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn't want to upset me. Was anyone going to treat me normally?  
  
"I'm not going to break, Nathan. You can talk around me."  
  
"I'm sorry about your mom, Luke."  
  
I was shocked.  
  
"You're being nice to me?"  
  
"Well, yeah. We need you to come back. The team sucks without you."  
  
He was pissing me off, and I couldn't explain why. "Yeah, well I'll be at practice today."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Bye, Haley," he kissed her. I wanted to punch him. Wait, was I really mad at him for being nice to me? I need help.  
  
"So what have you been doing the last few days?" I asked her.  
  
"Calling you, crying and then calling you again."  
  
"Sorry, Hales, I really just didn't want to talk to anyone."  
  
"It's okay," she said.  
  
We walked to our elementary school. Children were playing on the older kids lot, so we took the kindergarten playground. They must be napping or something.  
  
We each took a swing.  
  
"So what have you been doing?" She asked me cautiously.  
  
"Crying, beating up on Keith, crying some more."  
  
"You know, Luke, in all the time I've known you, I've never seen you cry."  
  
"Yeah, well you will, her funeral's on Saturday."  
  
"Yeah, Keith asked me to speak."  
  
I nodded. "I told him to. She loved you a lot."  
  
Haley started crying again. "God, Lucas, it's not fair."  
  
I got off my swing and hugged her. I thought I was all cried out. I guess not.  
  
"I had never seen Keith cry, either."  
  
"How's he handling it?" She asked when she calmed down.  
  
I shook my head. "He loved her, too. I know I haven't been much of a help."  
  
"Luke, your mom died. No one is expecting you to help."  
  
"I stayed out all night," I told her, "Peyton came over and I spent the night at her house. Keith was pissed to say the least."  
  
"Ouch. What did he say?"  
  
"I don't really remember, there was yelling. He yelled, I yelled, we both yelled."  
  
"I get it," she said.  
  
"And then he hit me."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I called him a goddamn alcoholic or something equally horrible and he hit me."  
  
"Why did you say that?"  
  
I shrugged. "I don't know. It seems like I'm always about to explode now."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Anyway, child services saw."  
  
She gasped. When we were kids, I loved telling Haley stories. Her reaction was always so exaggerated. Mom would tell us ghost stories and every bone she possessed was always shaking by the end.  
  
"Yeah, Keith is under investigation now. I'm not allowed to live with him anymore."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"They think he's abusing me or something."  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"This lady took me to the child services office, and she was going to take me to stay with Dan."  
  
"Why?!"  
  
"Because he's my father."  
  
"But Nathan didn't say anything"  
  
"I didn't stay with him. Whitey came and took me. I'm living with him now."  
  
"For how long? I don't want to go to visit you at Whitey's house. It's kind of weird."  
  
"I know! I don't want to live with him, either."  
  
"So what happens now? I mean, did your mom leave a will saying who you should stay with?"  
  
I shook my head. "Keith wants to adopt me."  
  
"Wow, that's huge." She slapped my arm.  
  
"OW! What was that for?"  
  
"You're not allowed to keep stuff like that from me! When did that happen?"  
  
"We talked about it last night. But it might not happen."  
  
"Why? You don't want to live with Keith?"  
  
"No, I do, it's just, Dan doesn't want to sign his parental rights away."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I shrugged, "Ask your boyfriend."  
  
"Lucas, that's not fair. Nathan is not his father."  
  
I didn't want to argue with her.  
  
"I talked to him this morning."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"Um, he said- He said he'll think about it."  
  
"Well that's a start."  
  
"I guess."  
  
We got back on the swings. She started swinging really high. I copied, except that I was going higher than she was. "Ha! I'm still a better swinger!"  
  
She laughed.  
  
"I dare you to jump," I said.  
  
She laughed.  
  
"No way, Luke, I remember when that happened last time."  
  
"You actually did it."  
  
"You dared me to!"  
  
"I didn't think you actually would!"  
  
She laughed.  
  
"Your brother was there, Trevor or Brady."  
  
She shook her head, "It was Ryan."  
  
"He carried you to the café and my mom bandaged you up all nice."  
  
"She made me my first milkshake."  
  
"And you said it was the tastiest delicacy you ever had."  
  
She laughed, "Trevor used to say that to my mom when he wanted something."  
  
"Well it worked. She loved you."  
  
"She put a sesame street bandaid on my arm. She said they were your favorite, but she made me promise not to tell you she told me."  
  
"You never told me that!"  
  
"I promised!"  
  
"You watched Sesame Street until you were in 5th grade," She held her hand up to her mouth like she was trying to hide her laughter.  
  
"When did she tell you that?" I was smiling, too. Jeez her laughter was contagious.  
  
"When I would run away to your house and you weren't home. My brothers used to get everything they wanted and they left me out of it. So I would go to your house."  
  
"You still do that."  
  
"Yeah, but now it's cause it's too quiet."  
  
"So anyway, when you weren't there she would cheer me up with a milkshake and a story about you."  
  
"What else did she tell you?"  
  
"She told me when she took you to the zoo you were afraid of the flamingos."  
  
"They're big and pink! Don't tell me those things aren't scary."  
  
Haley laughed.  
  
"And when she sent you to your room one day because you were destroying the living room, you tied every shirt you owned together to make a train."  
  
"I thought she was going to get mad at me, but she didn't want to hurt my creativity."  
  
"And when you tried to make her breakfast in bed and you set the microwave on fire."  
  
"No one told me you weren't supposed to heat foil!"  
  
She laughed.  
  
"And when you were like 3 you decided you didn't want to wear clothes anymore."  
  
"I wore clothes," I objected.  
  
"You would only wear your superman pajamas."  
  
"That's clothes."  
  
"Sure, Luke."  
  
"She played along. She let me wear pajamas until I was ready to wear clothes again."  
  
"And then you decided that you were only going to eat milkshakes."  
  
"They are a tasty delicacy."  
  
We both laughed.  
  
"How long did she let that one slide?"  
  
"She didn't. She threatened to spank me, so I ate normal food."  
  
Haley laughed.  
  
"What an amusing childhood you had, Lucas."  
  
"I still can't believe she told you all that stuff."  
  
"She only did it to make me feel better."  
  
"How does that make you feel better?"  
  
She laughed, "Cause you're so funny. They way she told the stories...man, Lucas, you gave her so many headaches."  
  
I smirked, "Yeah, she never found out about the tattoo."  
  
"I was so jealous of you two. My house, no one even noticed when I disappeared, and you were her whole life. She knew everything about you and there was nothing she wouldn't do for you. That's powerful."  
  
I slowed down and jumped off the swing when it was close to the ground. "That's how it's done." I said, landing in perfect gymnasts pose.  
  
Haley laughed and jumped after me. "See Brady doesn't even need to carry you to the café."  
  
"It was Ryan!" she exclaimed.  
  
"Whatever! I can't keep track of your brothers."  
  
"There are just three of them."  
  
"I remember your sister's name."  
  
"Yeah, cause you had a crush on her."  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Oh yes you did. Remember that summer when she was the lifeguard? You were at the pool every single day."  
  
"Ok, fine, but it's not like I ever had a chance with her." I sighed and looked down for the sake of the story. She laughed. "She was too old for me."  
  
"Yeah, that's true."  
  
Amy and Trevor, the twins, are the oldest at 23. Then comes Ryan who's 21 and Brady, 20. All are now in college, leaving Haley with the house to herself.  
  
We sat down on a picnic table.  
  
"So Brooke is worried about you, also, Luke."  
  
"You talk to Brooke now?"  
  
"Well, she asked me how you are doing because you won't answer her calls either."  
  
"What did you tell her?"  
  
"The truth. I hadn't heard from you. She said that Peyton had, though."  
  
I looked away.  
  
"What's going on, Luke?"  
  
"Nothing," I said quickly, too quickly.  
  
"Lucas," she said warningly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're not cheating on her are you? You and Peyton are just friends, right?"  
  
I said nothing.  
  
"Right?"  
  
"Right." I lied.  
  
"You're lying to me."  
  
"Why would you think that?"  
  
"Because you are the worst liar I have ever come into contact with."  
  
"Do you have a story for that, too?" I prayed that she would be distracted and forget what she originally asked me. It never worked on Mom, but Haley was easier. It worked.  
  
"Actually, yes," she smiled.  
  
"Let's hear it."  
  
"What was that art thingy that your mom taught us to do?"  
  
It was a testament to well I knew Haley that "art thingy" made sense.  
  
"Coffee filters. She showed us how to make designs on them with markers and then the marker spreads when you put the tip in water."  
  
"Oh yeah!"  
  
"She had so different craft books from the library just to keep me occupied."  
  
"Cause you were a monster when you were bored," Haley said.  
  
"Yeah, that's probably true."  
  
"It is true! Remember when we got in trouble for something and she didn't let us play together for a whole two days."  
  
"I showed you how to set leaves on fire with a magnifying glass." I laughed, "Two days was an eternity."  
  
"And what was it you did for those two days again, Lucas?"  
  
She remembered, she just wanted me to tell her again.  
  
"I stole all the coffee filters in the entire café and decorated every one of them."  
  
She laughed.  
  
"And then I hid them in the bathroom in the back of the café."  
  
Haley kept laughing. I grinned, too.  
  
"She asked me if I had seen the filters and I swore that I hadn't, but then she found them like two weeks later."  
  
Haley laughed harder.  
  
"She was soooo mad at me for lying to her."  
  
I grinned, remembering all the hell I put her though. I'm sure she wouldn't take back any of it. Well...not all of it, anyway.  
  
"But you are so incredibly charming."  
  
"I started crying and I told her that I made them for her and I was saving them for her birthday."  
  
"And of course, she let you off the hook."  
  
"Of course! I'm just too damn cute to punish."  
  
"Right," Haley said sarcastically, "How long did that last?"  
  
I smiled. "Until middle school. Remember that time I got in trouble at school?"  
  
"Yeah, during sex education. I'll never forget that."  
  
"Mr. Jenkins was talking trash about teen moms."  
  
"He was trying to scare us into not having sex because we'll all get pregnant."  
  
"And he was talking about all teen moms are losers who go nowhere in life."  
  
"You snapped."  
  
"Well, yeah! I told him my mom made it just fine. He said that she never really had the potential to be anything more, so it was okay for her."  
  
"And that's when you told him to go fuck himself."  
  
"Actually I said for him to go to hell and I stuck up my middle finger."  
  
"So you never told me what happened after that, by the time I got to see you again, I had forgotten what you did in the first place."  
  
"I was livid. Mr. Jenkins stopped the lecture about sex ed and dragged me to the principal's office."  
  
"That much I remember. You refused to go."  
  
"Until he threatened me with life imprisonment or something like that."  
  
"I think it was suspension that he threatened you with."  
  
_"Go to hell, Mr. Jenkins!" I said loudly.  
  
His eyes got really wide and he pointed toward the door. "Principal's office, Mr. Scott."  
  
I shook my head, "You have no right to talk about my mom like that! She made it a lot farther in life than you did. At least she has a kid that loves her. Who do you have?"  
  
"Her kid is going to be suspended if he doesn't go to the principal's office right now."  
  
I still didn't move.  
  
"Now, Lucas."  
  
I shook my head, "I'm not leaving until you apologize. That's not true about my mom."  
  
He pointed at the door again, like I might have forgotten the way out of the gym. "Go to the office. Now."  
  
I stood my ground.  
  
Mr. Jenkins sighed and turned off the television that was showing us the movie. "I'll be right back, kids," he told the rest of the class like it was the biggest hassle he had ever encountered to take me to the office.  
  
He walked up to where I was standing in the back of the classroom. "This is your last chance, Lucas." He whispered in my ear.  
  
I didn't even flinch. He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the classroom, all the way to the office. He sank into a chair in the waiting room, dragging me into the seat next to him. Neither of us spoke until the principal came out of his office._  
  
"Well, it worked. The principal gave me a lecture on respecting authority and all that bs, but it pissed me off cause he wasn't there and he wouldn't listen to me."  
  
Haley's eyes were huge. It didn't matter that it happened in 7th grade, she wanted all the details.  
  
"Then I told him he didn't know what he was talking about, and that pissed him off. He called my mom to come pick me up because I was suspended."  
  
"And how did she take that?"  
  
"You didn't see me for weeks."  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"She was pissed. She couldn't believe I would talk to my teacher like that, much less my principal." I sighed, "She did hear me out, though, and she let me tell the whole story before punishing me."  
  
"So why didn't you get off?"  
  
"I couldn't tell her."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I couldn't tell her that Mr. Jenkins didn't think she had any potential. He's the one that's teaching sex ed to 7th graders."  
  
"So what did you tell her?"  
  
"That I disagreed with what he was teaching us, so she grounded me for life...or actually until I got on her nerves too much and she had to let me go somewhere."  
  
_"Is it true, Lucas? Did you really say that to your teacher?" Mom asked me quietly when we entered the house.  
  
I nodded.  
  
"And your principal?"  
  
"He wouldn't listen to me! I tried to explain, but he just wanted to lecture about how he had more control than I did."  
  
"Well, Luke, I don't care. That doesn't give you the right to be rude to him."  
  
"Mom-"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I looked at her sadly.  
  
"What, Lucas, tell me what happened. What made you go off on your teacher like you did?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"You wanted a chance to explain, well here it is, baby."  
  
"I- I- I just didn't like was he was teaching us."  
  
She looked disappointed. "You know, Luke, I thought you had something better. You can't yell and curse your teacher just because you don't like what they're teaching. You know better than that."  
  
I looked at my shoes.  
  
"You're grounded, kid."  
  
"What?! But Mom-"  
  
She gave me the look of death that I swear she should patent and sell, it gets any kid to shut up really fast.  
  
She looked so disappointed; there was no way I could tell her what Mr. Jenkins really said, about how teen mothers don't get anywhere. Was I the reason she never left Tree Hill?  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Yes, honey?"  
  
"Why didn't you ever leave this town?"  
  
"I never needed to. This has always been my home, and then it became yours."  
  
"So you never wanted to leave?"  
  
"Well sure I did, honey, but things just didn't work out that way."  
_  
"Did you ever tell her the truth?" Haley asked  
  
I shook my head. "Nah, I'd rather stay grounded than tell her what that bastard said."  
  
She smiled. "You're a good son, Luke."  
  
"Maybe, but now I have no parents."  
  
"You have Keith...and Whitey." She said "Whitey" like it was a question.  
  
"Whitey? Whitey!" I looked at my watch 3:14. "Shit!"  
  
"What?" Haley asked.  
  
"I have basketball practice. Dammit, Whitey's gonna ream my ass."  
  
"Run, Luke, I'll talk to you later."  
  
I took off before she finished her sentence. 


	16. Practice and Child Services

I arrived in the gym, 3:28, panting. Whitey watched me jog to him, but said nothing until I was standing right in front of him.  
  
"Well, Scott, it's good to see that you've joined us."  
  
The other players were warming up, but passing and shooting.  
  
"Start running. You're late."  
  
I didn't move. He blew the whistle and then team came and slowly made a semicircle around Whitey. He looked at me, waiting for me to start running. I still didn't move.  
  
"Lucas, I remember telling you last night and again this morning that practice starts at 3:00."  
  
I nodded between breaths.  
  
"Run, Luke." He said.  
  
I looked up at him with my eyes, my head still hanging down.  
  
"Don't give me that look, you knew what time you had to be here."  
  
I got up and started running laps around the gym.  
  
Whitey started yelling at the other players. Leave it to Whitey to have something completely life altering, like having one of your players move in with you, and still be able to act like nothing was different. I, however, did not seem to have that particular talent.  
  
No one would come near me at practice. We were setting up plays and no one would follow through, they didn't want to hit me, touch me, or risk bothering me in any way.  
  
"I'm not gonna break, dammit!" I yelled.  
  
Everyone stared at me.  
  
"My mom died, I don't have a disease. You're not going to get sick by coming in contact with me and I'm not going to break!"  
  
"Sit out for a minute, Luke." Whitey said calmly, "You need to take a time out."  
  
"What am I, five?! I'm not the one who's afraid to play!"  
  
"Lucas. Sit." He said seriously, pointing at the bleachers.  
  
"Forget it. Either let me play or I quit." I was still yelling, and Whitey did not appreciate me challenging him in front of the team.  
  
"Lucas, get your ass on the bleachers!"  
  
I walked up to Nathan and shoved the basketball in his stomach. "Take it. The team is yours. I quit."  
  
I walked toward the metal double doors.  
  
"Lucas!" Whitey called.  
  
"What?! I screamed.  
  
"Go back to my house. You're not allowed to see Keith."  
  
"Whatever," I turned around again.  
  
"Lucas!" I turned around and gave him a dirty look. He ran over to me.  
  
"Do not go see Keith," he hissed in my ear.  
  
I could feel the entire team staring at me, and all I wanted to do was run away. Run far, far away, where no one would look at me, or talk to me, and I didn't have to think about Keith or Mom, or my coach who was still whisper-yelling at me, although I was no longer listening.  
  
He could tell I wasn't listening, "I'm serious, Luke," He grabbed my shoulder. "Do. Not. Go. See. Keith."  
  
"I wasn't going to."  
  
"Have a seat on the bleachers, and you can play again in a few minutes."  
  
He stopped whispering at me and was making an effort to appear calm.  
  
I didn't respond.  
  
"Lucas. Take. A. Seat." He pointed to the bleachers.  
  
I turned back toward the doors.  
  
"Go home, then." He called after me.  
  
That pissed me off. It didn't take a lot to set me off anymore, and he just did.  
  
"Home? Where the hell is that?"  
  
He sighed and spoke quietly, "Go to my house, Luke."  
  
I shook my head, "My home is with Keith. My home is with Mom."  
  
I ran out the doors before he could stop me.  
  
I couldn't stop running. I ran through the school, and across the parking lot before Haley called, "Luke!"  
  
I stopped and panted, resting my hands on my knees until she caught up with me. I was panting more from the argument with Whitey than from running. I felt so fragile. Haley ran up to me and I collapsed on her.  
  
She patted my head as I lay on her shoulder, and she wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to cry, but I had no tears left.  
  
Haley said nothing, just let me resume breathing at a normal pace.  
  
"I hate life." I told her.  
  
"No, Luke. Don't talk like that."  
  
"Hales, I don't want to keep doing this. I don't want to go on hurting."  
  
She led me to a picnic table and sat down with me.  
  
"I just yelled at Whitey. I walked out on practice."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"He's letting me live with him, and I just blew up at him. And I cheated on Brooke. Peyton's been calling me, and I won't answer her calls. Dan, well, Dan is an asshole and I would love to hurt him."  
  
She looked at me quizzically and I remembered that I never told her I slept with Peyton. I shook my head slightly and she got the hint. "Do you want me to get you anything?"  
  
"Yeah, Keith."  
  
She started to get out her cell phone.  
  
"No, I can't see him."  
  
"That sucks, Luke. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Her funeral's tomorrow."  
  
Haley nodded.  
  
"I'm not gonna make it, Hales." She wrapped her arms around me and let me cry. She rubbed my back laid her head on my shoulder, crying along with me.  
  
I don't know how long we sat there, holding each other.  
  
We sat in silence after we stopped crying for at least 45 minutes. Haley was one of the few people I could sit in silence with for hours and feel like we'd talked for longer. Mom was the other one.  
  
"Want me to take you home?" She asked finally, but the question was answered by Whitey who drove up to the picnic table.  
  
"I finally find you, Scott."  
  
"Congratulations." I said sarcastically.  
  
"We don't have time for the attitude right now, Lucas, get in the car."  
  
I stood up.  
  
"Child Services is on their way over to the house."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Does it matter? They're coming and it's going to look really bad if you are not there."  
  
I said bye to Haley and climbed into the front seat of Whitey's car.  
  
He didn't say anything to me for the first 5 minutes of the drive. I had to get it out of my system before I met with child services. "How long am I going to have to wait until you let me have it?"  
  
"What?" He turned to look at me.  
  
"For practice..." I prompted him.  
  
"You're not quitting, Luke," he said, instead of answering my question.  
  
"Yes I am."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I shrugged, "I'm just done."  
  
"That's bullshit, Scott. Why are you really quitting?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Well that's a start."  
  
He pulled into his driveway. "Good, they're not here yet."  
  
I got out of the car.  
  
"Take really quick shower and put on your best clothes. We'll continue this later."  
  
"Great," I said sarcastically.  
  
"You are in no position to give me attitude, Lucas."  
  
"Sorry." I wasn't.  
  
"Go change."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"It's more important that you are presentable. I'm just playing foster parent."  
  
"And that's working out so well," I said sarcastically again.  
  
He pointed at me, "You're about to get slapped, Luke. Don't give me lip like that."  
  
I just stared at him.  
  
"Go change," he commanded again.  
  
When I opened the door of the bathroom, just having finished my shower, Whitey called, "Lucas, the lady from child services is here."  
  
"Be right there," I called.  
  
I didn't have any nice clothes with me. I had one polo shirt that Brooke gave me. All of my pants hadn't been washed in weeks. Laundry was not one of my primary concerns. And living with men didn't exactly put laundry high on the list.  
  
I pulled the polo right side out again. This was getting gross. I made a mental note to do laundry. Then I remembered that Mom's funeral was the next day. Laundry fell back down on the list of priorities.  
  
Don't be impossible. Don't be impossible, I kept telling myself while I buttoned my shirt. When Mom got mad at me, she would always say, "Stop being impossible, Lucas." It had to mean something valuable.  
  
My palms were sweaty. I was actually nervous. I never would have imagined that I would be meeting with a child services representative. It went so fast. I didn't know it was possible for things to go so fast and yet so slow at the same time. It seemed like months since they took me from Keith, but it was only yesterday morning.  
  
Child Services was definitely speedy. There must not be many child custody cases in Tree Hill. Somehow I wasn't surprised.  
  
It was not Martha Lansing who was there to interview me.  
  
"Teresa Anderson," she stuck her hand out for me to shake it.  
  
I took it suspiciously. These were the people who were stopping me from seeing Keith. Well, they were trying, anyway.  
  
"I'm Lucas Scott," I told her, even though I'm sure she knew. It was somewhere on the form she had to fill out. I had been reduced to paperwork, just another custody case.  
  
"It's nice to meet you, Lucas. Please sit down."  
  
All three of us sat down on the couches in the living room. Whitey sat with me, and Teresa Anderson was on the other couch.  
  
"What I understand, Lucas," she started, "is that Keith wants you to live with him. Is that what you want?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Ok, today I'm going to make sure he is a good parent for you and if all goes well, than that should be happening soon."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"I did run across a problem, however. Mr. Durham told me that Keith wants to adopt you."  
  
"That's a problem?" I asked. Whitey glared at me.  
  
She ignored me. "I spoke to your father about it and he said that it would be up to you in the end. Now I'm not sure what that means, but it seems he's supportive of the idea, which is good for you."  
  
She may not have known what that meant, but it took Whitey all of four seconds to realize what Dan was saying. I could see the comprehension dawn on his face. Thankfully, he didn't say anything.  
  
"Do you understand why you were taken away from..." she looked down at her paper, "...Keith in the first place?"  
  
"No, I don't. And I doubt you do either considering you don't even know his name or any details about my case," I said rudely. I tried to stop with the attitude, albeit not very hard.  
  
"Lucas," Whitey warned quietly.  
  
She looked at her clipboard again.  
  
"Save yourself the time," I told her, "he hit me. You nosy people were snooping around my house and saw him hit me once. For some reason you believe that that entitles you to take me away from my home and the last bit of family I have left. Good job. I applaud the use of our tax dollars."  
  
She stared at me. I guess I was the first kid she had to deal with that possessed a brain.  
  
"See why Keith hit him?" Whitey said, "Can you really blame him?"  
  
"Thanks, Whitey, that helps."  
  
"How about you stick with Coach or Mr. Durham." He told me, warningly. If I didn't watch it, Keith wouldn't be the only one who child services witnessed slapping me.  
  
"Mr. Durham, could I have a minute alone with Lucas, please?"  
  
"Sure," he said and left the room.  
  
"Listen, Lucas, I think we got off on the wrong foot."  
  
I said nothing.  
  
"You're really not going to like me when we're done, but I'll ask you to please cooperate. I have a lot of power in getting you what you want if you work with me."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "What do I have to do?"  
  
"I have several questions I need to ask you about Keith, and I need you to answer honestly. I already talked to Keith and asked him the same questions. Any inconsistencies look suspicious, so tell me the truth."  
  
I nodded. How many times had she read those same lines off? They sounded so rehearsed.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"Yeah, go ahead."  
  
"What exactly happened the morning that Keith hit you?"  
  
"I was being an ass- a jerk to him."  
  
She nodded, urging me to continue, "I, uh, stayed the night at this girl's house without telling him and he was really angry with me. He yelled at me, and when I yelled back, he slapped me. Once. That's it. You guys took it way out of proportion."  
  
"I hope that's the case, Lucas."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Tell me something else. Was that the first time that Keith has hit you?"  
  
I nodded. She scanned her papers.  
  
"Keith gave a different answer. You can't protect him, Lucas. Do you want to try again?"  
  
"Can you restate the question?"  
  
"Was that the first time that Keith has hit you?" She repeated slower and louder.  
  
"I'm not deaf or stupid, but as close as we've gotten in the 15 minutes that I've known you, I really don't feel comfortable talking to you about this," I was being rude and I knew it. The sad thing was I really didn't care. These people took me away from my home, they could put up with my attitude. She was trying to remain calm, although a slow stream of steam was starting to escape her ears.  
  
"I'm sorry, Lucas, but I need you to answer the question. It is crucial to determining whether your situation with Keith is going to work out."  
  
"How is that crucial? Tell me, did your dad ever hit you?"  
  
She looked shocked, "I don't see how that is relevant to your case."  
  
"Well, you think the amount of times that a man hits his child is indirectly correlated with how good a parent he is. And so I ask you if your dad ever hit you."  
  
There was more steam starting to come from her ears. Whitey shouted from the other room, "Answer the damn question, Luke!"  
  
Teresa looked like she should tell Whitey not to listen in, but she was thankful for his words. She raised an eyebrow as if to say, "Told you."  
  
"No, alright, it was not the first time. Keith is like my father. We've had our fights. He spanked me once or twice when I was little. So?"  
  
"Once or twice?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"At my house."  
  
"No, I mean where on your body," she took out a drawing of a person's outline, one of the front and one on the back. "Can you show me on this drawing all the places Keith has ever hit you?"  
  
"Do you think I'm five? He slapped my ass. That's it."  
  
She nodded and wrote it down.  
  
"I thought you already talked to Keith. Didn't you make him tell you this stuff?"  
  
She nodded. "Fine. We'll move on."  
  
The rest of the interview went the same. She asked me stupid questions and I answered rudely. Whitey was going to kick my ass if he was still listening.  
  
Eventually she gave up.  
  
"Well, Lucas, as enlightening as this was, I have to go fill out paperwork about your case."  
  
No wait! I blew it. Shit. Damage control: begin now.  
  
She stood up and I followed. I offered her my hand. She looked surprised and took it. My hand swallowed hers.  
  
"Listen," I started, trying hard to keep my voice even. "I'm sorry. I just want to go home. Home. To Keith. Can you give me that much?"  
  
She nodded, still looking shocked, "I can try, Lucas."  
  
Whitey mysteriously reappeared as we were walking to the front door. They shook hands and exchanged farewells. I wanted to call her back just so I wouldn't be left alone with Whitey. He shut the door behind her and turned slowly to look at me. I looked away. 


	17. Keith's turn to regulate

"Go sit." Whitey commanded.  
  
I decided to save my energy and just listen to him. I planted myself in the couch that obviously hadn't been used in the last decade. Whitey needed a woman.  
  
He paced back and forth in front of me. I didn't look up at his face, but I didn't need to. He was pissed. He would start to say something and then stop several times until he finally got out, "Do you really think that being a smartass to the child services person is going to help you stay with Keith?" He was yelling. I didn't have enough energy left to yell.  
  
"Coach, I'm sorry, I just- did you hear what she was asking me? How old does she think I am? I should be able to decide for myself who I live with."  
  
"It would have been a hell of a lot easier if you cooperated."  
  
I looked away.  
  
"Lucas."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look at me." I did.  
  
"What did that accomplish?"  
  
"I'm sorry," I was whispering.  
  
"Sorry isn't going to let you stay with Keith!" He yelled.  
  
I stood up, and somehow I found the energy to yell "I said I'm sorry. What else do you want?"  
  
Whitey got really close to me. I should have learned by now not to mouth off to Whitey. I needed to work on that.  
  
"Sit." He commanded.  
  
I stared at him furiously.  
  
"Sit down, son."  
  
"I'm not your son."  
  
"You're living in my house so you'll sit your ass down on that couch."  
  
I sat, but didn't drop my gaze.  
  
He did the start talking and then stop again a few times, trying to sputter out his frustration, but failing each time. He decided to change the subject. "What the hell happened during basketball practice?"  
  
"They were treating me like an egg...or something else that breaks easily and can't play basketball." I shook my head, "That sounded so much better in my head. Anyway, I'm not broken! They can pass me the goddamn ball!"  
  
"And what makes you think you can undermine my authority like you did today?"  
  
"You were ordering me around." I said quietly, knowing he wasn't going to take that.  
  
"Yeah I was! I'm the coach, that's what I do!"  
  
"Well it doesn't matter, anyway, cause I'm done."  
  
"You're not done," he dismissed my statement.  
  
"Yes, Coach, I am. You can have my jersey. I quit."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I shrugged. "I just don't care about basketball anymore."  
  
"The hell you don't! I saw you in practice. How much it pissed you off that they weren't letting you play. You care maybe even more than ever now."  
  
I turned away. "Look. I just can't play anymore."  
  
"Get up."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Up. Get up."  
  
He stood up and I followed. "Get in the car." He didn't wait for me to answer, he just started walking.  
  
I didn't know what else to do, so I followed him. Plus, Whitey was a pretty scary guy. I didn't want to piss him off more than I already did. He snatched his keys from off the table, and walked faster than I could keep up with to the car.  
  
"Where are we going?" I finally dared to ask when we were seated and buckled in the car.  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"Okay, then." I said quietly.  
  
He didn't speak until we pulled up in front of my house.  
  
"Go get Keith." Whitey demanded.  
  
"I though I wasn't-"  
  
"Go get Keith," he repeated, more forcefully.  
  
I looked at him, but he was looking straight ahead, out the window. I got out of the car and rang the doorbell.  
  
Keith was just as surprised as I was to be there.  
  
"Luke? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Whitey told me to get you."  
  
Keith looked passed me out the window, where Whitey was sitting in his car.  
  
"I have no idea what this is about," I confessed.  
  
"Come in," Keith still looked confused, but he picked his jacket up from the back of a chair and put it on with his back to me. I looked around the house as he put his jacket on. The living room was "wicked clean" as Peyton had described it, but the kitchen was a mess. The piles of food were growing and there was no more room in the fridge.  
  
There was a bottle of vodka open on the counter. It scared me. He zipped up his jacket and it brought me back to reality.  
  
"I though you stopped drinking, Keith." I said quietly.  
  
He followed my gaze and spotted the bottle and immediately put the lid back on it. I watched him awkwardly put the bottle back into the freezer.  
  
"Why do you have that?"  
  
"I- I was- I just-"he shook his head, "I'm not having this conversation with you, Luke."  
  
"Who are you going to have it with?"  
  
He shook his head, "Don't worry about it. It's not your problem."  
  
I kept staring at him.  
  
"Don't look at me like that, I'm fine."  
  
"Look at you like what? Like you're drinking again?"  
  
"Let's go." He took my shoulder and led me out the door.  
  
Whitey's angry road rage-y driving took us to Dan's Motors.  
  
"I didn't agree to this." Keith said right away.  
  
Whitey ignored this comment. He got out of the car and walked quickly to the office.  
  
Keith and I looked at each other and got out of the car to follow him.  
  
When we arrived in the office, Whitey was already yelling at Dan.  
  
"What the hell are you doing, threatening Lucas?!"  
  
Dan looked at me.  
  
"I didn't say anything," I held up my hands in surrender pose, but Dan didn't seem too upset that Whitey found out. In fact, he was smirking, rubbing in the fact that he had that power over me. I hated him.  
  
"You're making him quit basketball," Whitey stated.  
  
"I never said-"I tried to defend myself, but Whitey wouldn't hear of it.  
  
Whitey lunged for Dan's desk and materialized the papers amidst the piles of paperwork. Dan reached for his arms trying to stop him from getting the papers, but Whitey grabbed them and held them up, "Sign them, Dan!"  
  
"It's really up to Lucas if I sign them or not."  
  
"Like hell it is! You're going to sign them to prove to him that you're not the bastard he grew up thinking you were."  
  
Dan didn't move. The smirk on his face was terrifying me. He had more power than I chose to admit.  
  
"Once I sign these papers you're going to start asking for money." He told Keith.  
  
Keith shook his head, "Not if you sign them. But if you don't sign them, I will take you to court for all the money that you owe Karen. You didn't give her shit for all of Luke's life."  
  
Dan considered this.  
  
My fingers were crossed behind my back, please please please please please.  
  
Dan shook his head. My heart sank to my stomach. Keith looked like he was about to pounce on him.  
  
"It's in Lucas's hands. He can decide. We'll see by Monday's game." Dan started looking through his file cabinets, telling us that he was finished and going back to work.  
  
Keith wasn't going to take that. He slammed the drawer of the file cabinet that Dan was looking through shut.  
  
"Shit Keith! You could have cut my finger off!"  
  
Keith wasn't done. He pushed Dan into the wall, pinning his shoulders to the wall.  
  
"You want to play that game, fine."  
  
For the first time in my life, Dan looked scared. Keith looked like he was about kill someone. I expected Whitey to step in and break them up, but he didn't.  
  
"If you don't sign those papers, I'll tell everyone the truth about what happened between you and Karen."  
  
"You wouldn't," he said like they do on soap operas. How cliché. He couldn't come up with anything better?  
  
"Not only that, the real reason you quit basketball. You can forget about your dealership. No one is going to buy a car from Dan Scott, drug addict."  
  
Dan pushed Keith back. Keith must have forgotten he was holding Dan against the wall, because he stumbled backwards easily.  
  
Dan sat down at his desk, keeping his gaze fixed on Keith. He wasn't happy about this, but he scribbled his name on the papers.  
  
This was quite possibly the dirtiest adoption in Tree Hill history.  
  
Dan held the papers up without looking up. "Don't ask me for money."  
  
Keith snatched the papers out of his brother's hand and stormed out of the office, saying quietly, "Let's go, Luke."  
  
I took a look at my father, holding his face in his hands. He looked up, catching me staring at him. "Now you're officially not my burden anymore."  
  
Whitey took my arm before I could go try to attack Dan.  
  
"Come on, Luke. We're done here."  
  
Whitey drove Keith back home without saying anything. He put the car in park and turned to look at me sitting in the back seat.  
  
"You can stay with Keith tonight if you want," his face broke into a smile, "Congratulations, Keith. You have a son."  
  
Keith, who had been sitting in the front seat with his eyebrows furrowed, looked up. He smiled, too. Keith put his hand on my shoulder, "I guess I do."  
  
He leaned over and kissed my forehead, "Let's go home, son."  
  
Keith went inside first and I followed.  
  
The digital clock on the microwave read 8:36. It felt like days had gone by. It had to be later than 8. The clock on the oven read 8:37 and the VCR blinked 12:00. I voted for the 8:37.  
  
"You hungry?" Keith asked me.  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"When was the last time you ate something?"  
  
I couldn't remember. I shrugged.  
  
"I'll heat something up for you."  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"How long are you going to be not hungry?"  
  
I shrugged again, "Tell you what, when I get hungry, you'll be the first to know."  
  
He considered this, and then decided it was fine, "If you don't eat tomorrow, I'm force feeding you."  
  
"Fine."  
  
He smiled at me.  
  
"What?"  
  
He just kept smiling, "I can't believe you're actually mine."  
  
I smiled too.  
  
"You know, I've always been jealous of Dan cause he could have you anytime he wanted."  
  
"But he never did. Wanted me, I mean."  
  
"That's his loss, Luke. I've told you before, Danny's an asshole. He proved it by threatening you." He shook his head disbelievingly. "I can't believe he was going to make you quit basketball."  
  
"I would have done it. I'd give up basketball to stay with you."  
  
Keith hugged me in what we used to call a bear hug.  
  
"We're gonna be okay, Luke. We're gonna be okay." 


	18. Saying Goodbye

Note: Organization has never been one of my talents. Neither has math. I think it's time for Karen's funeral, but I could be wrong. We can pretend though, right? Also, I've done major rearranging of the stuff I wrote before, so if you see inconsistencies, that's why. I'm trying to fix them, let me know if there's something obvious that I missed.

* * *

There was no time or energy for celebration. Saturday came far before I was ready. It was hard to believe that Mom died less than a week before. It seemed like an eternity had passed.  
  
There was a suit on my bed when I went inside it the night before. Keith must have picked it up for me. Keith knocked on my door to wake me up at 7:30. He sat on the foot of my bed, "Morning Luke. Did you see the suit?" I groaned something that sounded a tiny bit like a yes. Keith understood. "Haley is coming at 9 and we'll leave here once she gets here." I made the noise that sounds remotely like a yes again. He patted my back and left the room.  
  
I got up and took a shower, rehearsing my speech in my head. It was so hard to come up with something to say. How could I possibly sum up 16 years of her being there for every minute of my life? Both Whitey and Keith offered to help, but I wanted to do it by myself. Nothing I wrote seemed significant enough.  
  
Dear Mom, sorry for all the hell I put you through. Scratch that. Dear Mom, Thanks for not aborting me like my ass of a father wanted.  
  
As I rehearsed my latest version in the shower, it still didn't seem good enough. I got dressed and sat at the kitchen table with Keith, burying my face in my hands. The whole custody thing was a nice distraction. Not that it was nice by any means, but as long as I was concerned about if I would ever see my uncle again, I was missing Mom less. Now it was all I could think about.  
  
Keith put a plate of scrambled eggs in front of me. I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."  
  
"Eat, Lucas, please."  
  
"If I eat, I'll just throw it up later."  
  
He took the plate back and set it by the sink. It was the only dirty dish. I looked around, the kitchen was clean. Spotless. The living room was clean. The pillows were actually on the couches and the blankets that were covering me all week were folded and back in the wicker basket by the fireplace.  
  
"You cleaned?"  
  
"Don't sound so surprised, Luke, I do clean sometimes."  
  
"That's not true. You don't clean. You just don't make messes."  
  
He smiled, "that's something you could stand to learn."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, Mom used to tell me that, too."  
  
"Well I'm not cleaning your room, so you have to learn quickly."  
  
"Wait, I didn't agree to that."  
  
He patted my shoulder, "tough, kid, tough."  
  
Keith did the last bit of cleaning while I sat at the kitchen table watching him.  
  
"How's the speech coming?" He asked finally, after I had been staring at him for at least 3 minutes. We had agreed not to call it a eulogy. It was too formal. Mom wouldn't have liked it.  
  
I shook my head and looked down again. "It's not."  
  
"Can I hear what you have?"  
  
I shook my head. "It's not good enough."  
  
"Nothing you have is going to seem good enough, Luke, but I promise you that whatever you say, she'll be proud of you."  
  
I looked up at him. That actually sounded kind of good. Who knew Keith was the sentimental type?  
  
"And I'll be proud of you, too," he ruffled my hair, and then realized it was still wet. He wiped his hands on his pants. I would have smiled if I wasn't so preoccupied.

* * *

Haley came over at a quarter to nine. Her face was tearstained. She must have been practicing her speech. I was too something to cry. I couldn't figure out if it was too tired, too emotionally exhausted, too drained, too detached, too...something. I just couldn't cry.

* * *

The church was packed. I had no idea Mom even knew that many people. The front row was for Keith, Haley and me. Nathan and his mother were behind us. I had a feeling Nathan would have liked to be with Haley, but she told him not to. I made a mental note to thank her. The whole basketball team was there too. The river court guys and all 18 Ravens sat together, looking incredibly uncomfortable. I didn't blame them. I felt out of place, too. I had never set foot into a church before this.  
  
The regulars from the café were all there, including the old people who always had candy they would sneak to me when Mom wasn't looking. Peyton, Brooke and several other cheerleaders were there, too.  
  
Women I recognized as Mom's friends from high school had their own row. Martha Lansing, Child Services was behind them, sitting next to Theresa Anderson, Stupid Questions Department.  
  
In the lobby were pictures that Keith must have picked out. There was a table of Mom growing up, and another of Mom with me and another of various friends, Keith included.  
  
Haley spoke first. She grabbed my hand when it was time to go up to the podium and wouldn't let go. I nodded for support, but she was frozen. I stood up with her and held her hand through the speech. She talked about how Mom was like her second mother and an amazing woman. It was sappy and Haley and beautiful, and I loved Haley even more because of it.  
  
Keith spoke next. He really did love her, more so than I previously thought. I knew that he had to love Mom enough to stay and play daddy to me, but I didn't realize how much he truly cared about her. My respect for my uncle soared at that moment. He organized the entire funeral by himself, watched out for me, and sat through a child services investigation in the last week. How was he still functioning?  
  
My turn came last. Keith and Haley stood up there with me, offering their support. I looked at all the people that Mom had touched in her life and I realized that I didn't need a script. I wadded up the piece of paper I had scribbled some notes on, gazed into the teary eyed audience and spoke,  
  
"I watched Sesame Street until I was ten. Everyday in the back room of the café where Mom kept my coloring books and legos, I would sit with my fruit of choice and watch it. Mom never made fun of me, and she never discouraged my love of a show made for three year olds. There was never a sports game of mine that she missed, or a test that didn't go on the fridge. She saved every single art project and report card that I ever brought home, regardless of the fact that I have absolutely no artistic abilities. I know that my mom gave up a lot for me and she never once complained.  
  
"Looking at all of you I can see that I wasn't the only one that cared about her."  
  
I pointed at Ian from the river court who used to live next door to me, "I remember when Ian lost his dog and Mom helped him make up signs for Rover until someone found him. I tried to draw a picture of him, but it looked more like a mutilated cow than a dog, so she used one of your photographs to make the signs." Ian smiled and nodded. A few other people remember the signs so obviously made by two 7 year olds and smiled too.  
  
"And Mr. Jackson," he was sitting with the café regulars, "you always ordered the strangest things on your sandwiches that ended up actually tasting good. Mom added a special 'Jackson sandwich of the week' that you still pick."  
  
He nodded, "it's pickles, mustard and peanut butter this week." He smiled.  
  
"How that always manages to be the best seller, Mr. Jackson, I'll never know," I added.  
  
There was a general chuckle that went around the room.  
  
One of Mom's high school classmates stood up, "She made up the best cheers Tree Hill has ever seen. She won best choreographer all four years of high school." I smiled. She never told me that. "Then she got us all out of detention for folding up our skirts too short by telling Mr. Durham that since we worked so hard to get our legs nice enough to show off, we should be allowed the opportunity to let everyone see."  
  
Everyone laughed again.  
  
Someone in the front row told us how Mom gave her her first waitressing job which allowed her to pay her way through college, and Jake told everyone that she let him bring his daughter to work. Another person told us how Mom gave her a batch of her double chocolate fudge brownies to her family reunion and they were the most popular item there.  
  
The service took an hour longer than it was supposed to because people kept standing up and sharing their stories. Eventually the minister had to call the service to a close because there was a wedding starting soon.  
  
Keith patted my back and said, "she would definitely be proud."

* * *

We stood in the doorway while everyone left. People offered their condolences, which sounded so empty. Everyone was "sorry for my loss" and most people were "there for me" should I "need anything." Yeah, I need you to clean my room from now on.  
  
Brooke and Peyton were the last to come out of the church.  
  
Peyton shook her head slightly, indicating that she had not told Brooke about us. I was okay with that. I still didn't think she needed to know.  
  
"That was a great speech, Luke," Peyton touched my hand and then let it go.  
  
"Yeah, I'm really sorry, Luke, I've been trying to call you..." Brooke said, also taking my hand as Peyton had done, she, however, did not let it go.  
  
"I didn't really want to talk to anyone," I said with no emotion. I didn't want to deal with Brooke right then.  
  
Her eyes welled with tears, "Talk to me, Lucas."  
  
Peyton muttered something about going to the bathroom and she left.  
  
I pulled my hand away from hers. Brooke started crying.  
  
"Can we not do this right now?" I asked.  
  
She nodded through her tears. "Why don't you just call me when you're ready to talk," she said quietly.  
  
I agreed.  
  
"What I don't understand is, if you didn't want to talk to anyone, why did you talk to Peyton?"  
  
She kissed me lightly on the lips and left, wiping her eyes as she walked away.  
  
Peyton never came back either. 


	19. KeithPeytonHales

Note: I have now officially posted everything I have written thus far. I've been toying around with some new ideas, including the flashback idea, Wendy (. Ideas are still welcome. Hopefully I'll get another chapter written soon, so bring on the inspiration.  
  
I rode home with Keith after burying Mom. The house seemed so different. I had lived here my whole life, but I was seeing it from a different point of view. I couldn't even decipher what was different. Keith didn't seem to notice.  
  
"You hungry?" He asked me when we entered the front door.  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"You promised me you'd eat today, Luke," he reminded me.  
  
"Yeah, just not right now."  
  
"Ice cream?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Will you at least drink something?"  
  
"Yeah, a beer would be terrific."  
  
Keith's face fell.  
  
"It was a joke, Keith. Breathe."  
  
He didn't seem to think it was funny.  
  
It wasn't really a joke, a beer did sound terrific. Now I wanted one. I had to get out of the house. I stood up.  
  
"I think I'm gonna go see Peyton. Is that okay?"  
  
He shook his head, "Eat something first."  
  
"I'll eat with Peyton."  
  
"No, Luke, I want to see you eating. How's that going to look if you're starving in my care?"  
  
"I'm not starving, I'm just not hungry. I don't want to eat pity food."  
  
"Pity food?"  
  
"Yeah, this," I motioned toward the fridge where all the casseroles were, "is pity food. They're bringing us pity food."  
  
"Fine, Luke. Go eat with Peyton. Come home though, don't stay out all night."  
  
I stood up to leave and then stopped, "Can I ask you something, Keith?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I slept with Peyton."  
  
"You what?!"  
  
"Do I tell Brooke?"  
  
"Jesus, Luke," he shook his head in disbelief. "You grow up too fast, kid."  
  
"So what do I do?"  
  
He still hadn't processed what I told him. "When did that happen?"  
  
"Ummm....let's just say it happened."  
  
Keith shook his head again. "Why? You have a girlfriend."  
  
"I don't know. It was right after Mom died and I was hurting...and drunk."  
  
"Jesus, Luke," he repeated, "How do you get yourself into these situations?"  
  
"Keith, can we skip the lecture? I need help." I looked at him sadly.  
  
He sighed. "You have to tell her. There's a chance she could find out, and you want it to be from you."  
  
"Do you think she'll forgive me?"  
  
"Honestly?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"No. You cheated on her, Luke. That's hard to recover from."  
  
"You sound like you're speaking from experience."  
  
He coughed and looked around awkwardly.  
  
"You cheated on a girlfriend?!" It was weird to see Keith as a person with a love life.  
  
"Yeah, I did. And it was the biggest mistake I ever made."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"I don't think I should tell you this. Are you getting hungry yet?"  
  
"No, I'm not, and stop trying to change the subject. You made me want to know. That's not fair."  
  
"Tough."  
  
"I'm not eating till you tell me."  
  
"That's harsh."  
  
"It's a hunger strike."  
  
"But you said you weren't hungry."  
  
"Keith! Stop changing the subject."  
  
"If I tell you will you tell Brooke the truth? Trust me, you want to tell her."  
  
"Fine, I'll tell her."  
  
"This is not something I'm proud of, Luke. Like I said, it was the biggest mistake of my life."  
  
"What? What happened?"  
  
"While your mom was pregnant with you, we got really close. She was still sort of dating my brother, so nothing really happened, but then when you were born and Dan disappeared, I helped her take care of you."  
  
I nodded. I knew all this.  
  
"So we started dating. We were pretty serious actually. I lived here for the first three years of your life. We were practically married, except we didn't have time to actually go through with the ceremony.  
  
"I had a ring. I was going to propose, but the thought of actually proposing made me nervous, so I hit a bar one night. Well, as you now know, I can't hold my alcohol at all, and I woke up the next morning in bed with another woman."  
  
"You cheated on my mom?"  
  
"She kicked me out and I don't blame her. She wouldn't let me see you for months. That killed me. I hit the bar one last time, before your mom told me that if I kept drinking she wasn't going to let me see you ever again. So I stopped. But it took me forever to win her trust back."  
  
"But I don't remember you and Mom ever fighting. She must have forgiven you."  
  
He shook his head. "You never wondered why we didn't get married? She couldn't trust me anymore. I didn't have the guts to ever start it up again with her."  
  
"So how did you get her to be friends with you again?"  
  
"You. She knew she couldn't keep me from seeing you, so she had to put up with me. She wasn't going to fight with me all the time with you there, so we got along. But still, I almost had her forever, and I had to blow it. Don't do it, Luke."  
  
"Too late," I frowned.  
  
I looked away and he kept staring at me for a little bit.  
  
"Thanks, Luke," Keith said.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being here. If you weren't here, I'd be back in the bars right now. You make me stronger." He smiled at me. He stood up and kissed the top of my head.  
  
"So why are you going to see Peyton if you're still going out with Brooke?"  
  
I shrugged. "They're both mad at me."  
  
Keith raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm gonna go sort it out."  
  
He nodded. "How late are you staying out?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Come back by midnight."  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Sober would be terrific," he added.  
  
"Yeah, you too."  
  
"Get out of here, kid."  
  
I started walking toward the door.  
  
"Do you have your phone?" Keith called after me. I patted my back pocket where my phone was. "Take a jacket." I grabbed my jacket off the couch. "And eat something, please."  
  
"Yes captain," I saluted him.  
  
"Don't get arrested."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Ok, go."  
  
I did.

* * *

Peyton was less than thrilled to see me. She opened the door with no expression on her face. She said nothing, but held the door open for me to enter.  
  
"I'm so sorry about your mom, Luke."  
  
"Let's not talk about that," I said, sitting down on her couch.  
  
She sat on the couch across, instead of next to me.  
  
"What do you want to talk about then?"  
  
"How are you?" I asked.  
  
"How am I?" She repeated.  
  
"Yeah, how do you feel?"  
  
"I feel used, Luke. God, I never though I would do something like that." She put her hands over her face and shook her head. "What did I do?" She was crying. I really didn't want to deal with this. Tears were not my friend. Especially not when they were mine, and I was going to start crying any minute.  
  
"Peyton-"  
  
She looked up at me with red eyes, "You know what I've been thinking about the last few days?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"That I slept with my best friend's boyfriend. That's gotta be like one of the most heinous crimes of mankind. And you know what's worse? I sat next to her today. I held her hand and comforted her when she wanted to know why you won't talk to her. And I lied to her face. I told her that nothing was wrong with you." She started crying again.  
  
I said nothing. I wasn't really in a comforting mood.  
  
"I never said yes," she whispered.  
  
"What?" She wasn't making sense.  
  
"I never said yes. I didn't want to have sex with you."  
  
"Are you saying I raped you?"  
  
"You could call it that."  
  
"It's not like you put up much of a fight."  
  
"I was drunk!"  
  
"So was I!"  
  
She kept crying.  
  
"So what now? Are you going to report it?"  
  
She shook her head. "God, Lucas, I don't want anyone to know."  
  
She looked so vulnerable sitting there with her face in her hands, shaking from her crying. I wanted to cry. She was always so tough. What did I do to her? Suddenly, the comforting mood came to me.  
  
I got up and sat next to her. "Peyton," I whispered. She didn't answer. "I'm so sorry. You're right, I'm an ass."  
  
She looked up, wiping her eyes, "Why did we have to do that? I really liked you."  
  
I looked down, "I still like you."  
  
She shook her head. She didn't believe me.  
  
"I'll tell Brooke." I said, "If that's what you want, I'll do it. I'll make this up to you. We don't have to do anything until you're ready."  
  
"You can't just come in here and use your lines and make it all better, Luke."  
  
"I know. I'm really sorry."  
  
She didn't respond.  
  
"Do you want me to go?"  
  
She grabbed the back of my head and pulled me toward her, planting a kiss on my lips.  
  
The hell? I thought she was mad at me.  
  
I kissed her back. I certainly wasn't going to push her away. I wasn't lying to her. I really did still like her. A lot.  
  
He hand felt so good running through my hair. My hand was starting to go up her shirt. She didn't stop me. I started leaning on her, but she stood up, letting me go right away.  
  
She was breathing heavily.  
  
"Sorry." I said.  
  
"I'm not ready for this."  
  
"Then why did you kiss me?"  
  
"I like you, too, Luke. But I don't want to be someone who cheats."  
  
"So why did you kiss me?" I repeated.  
  
"I needed to find out how I really feel."  
  
That was cruel, "So you accuse me of raping you, then you kiss me and then you get mad at me again. What the hell? You can't keep leading me on like this!"  
  
"I can't do this behind Brooke's back."  
  
"You know that you're going to lose her whether or not you start dating me."  
  
She looked confused. She obviously hadn't thought of this.  
  
"You think she's going to be fine with the fact that you cheated with me and still be your friend? Come on, Peyton, we both know Brooke better than that."  
  
"Get out," she said, void of emotion.  
  
"Now why are you mad at me? Because I told you the truth, or because you know I'm right?"  
  
She looked like I just slapped her.  
  
"Forget it," I said. I stood up and left, slamming the door behind me.

* * *

I walked around the block blowing off some steam. I didn't want to go back home yet. It still felt weird. As little time I could spend at home, the better. The December air was biting my cheeks, turning them red. The cold quickly made me seek refuge inside. I wasn't ready to talk to Brooke. I was done with girls for the week, or forever if that was possible. Haley. I could go see Haley. She wasn't a girl. She was, well, Haley. She was my Hermione. I shook my head. I had to stop making references from my life to Harry Potter's. For one thing, he was a famous wizard. I would kill to switch places with him. At least he could fly away. He could put on his invisibility cloak and disappear, far far away. I was jealous of a fictional children's book character? I decided to forgive myself. At least he was the coolest fictional children's book character ever written. Mom and Haley would back me up on this.  
  
I walked in without knocking. Haley and Mrs. James, or Julia as everyone called her, were sitting at the table playing cards. They were playing gin, Haley's favorite game, but neither of them looked very awake. They both looked like they were just going through the actions, but neither was really playing the game. The both stood up and put their cards face down when I walked in. Mrs. James came to me first, wrapping her arms around me. "Lucas," she cried.  
  
I always pictured Mrs. Weasley from Harry Potter to look just like Mrs. James. Haley's mom had graying hair, but she was pudgy, just like Mrs. Weasley. There I go again with the Harry Potter references. I need help. Julia's children were her life. Every spare inch of the house was wallpapered in kid's artwork. When we were little, the five kids were always bringing stray animals home. They were up to nine pets. Haley could tell you each of their names, ages, birthdays, favorite spot to sleep in, last time they visited the vet, and canned food of choice, but I was fine with called them each by their species. There were three named Dog, four named Cat, one Bunny, and one Tweety. I couldn't be too consistent. Bird was boring. Julia James always complained about the mess they made, but she could always be found with a cat in her lap.  
  
She squeezed me tightly. She just held me and rocked me back and forth until Haley pried her off me. "You're going to suffocate him, Mom."  
  
"I'm sorry, sweetie, It's just that- oh, honey, I'm so sorry." She wrapped her arms around me again. Five minutes before, I would have welcomed the gesture. Now I felt smothered. I was thankful when Haley extended her hand out to me. I was able to escape her mother.  
  
I took Haley's hand and she led me to the couch that the James' had had for as long as I knew them. Haley sat on the couch and I laid down with my head in her lap. She combed through my hair with her hand. I almost fell asleep when Haley jumped suddenly, "I have something for you!"  
  
"Jesus!" I shouted, jumping.  
  
She giggled, "Did I scare you, Lukey?" She asked me in a baby voice.  
  
"Shut up," I grinned. Leave it to Haley to be the one person to treat me normally. Like she did before. I was thankful.  
  
She tried to push me off of her, but I laid across her lap.  
  
"Hey! Now I can't get up." She struggled against my weight.  
  
I crushed her with my entire body.  
  
"Luke! You're drowning me," She laughed. "Just don't-"  
  
But I already knew what she was going to say. I grabbed her bare foot and tickled it. She shrieked and tried to fight it from my grip, but I was stronger than her.  
  
"Luke! That's...not...fair!" She exclaimed between fits of laughter.  
  
She caught me off guard and knocked me onto the floor where she started tickling me. I was the only person on the planet more ticklish than Haley. We continued wrestling until Haley's mom was standing over us.  
  
She skipped her trademark, "knock it off" and "you're too big to be playing like this" and said, "Dinner, kids?"  
  
Haley stood up and then rested her hands on her knees. "Whoo, head rush." I took the opportunity to push her, she jumped on my back in retaliation.  
  
"Ooh, you're gonna regret that," I told her.  
  
"Why?"  
  
I answered her question before she finished asking it, by spinning around in circles with her still on my back.  
  
"Luuuuuuuucas!!" She yelled at me, trying to sound serious, but she was laughing too hard.  
  
I spun her until she covered my eyes and we crashed into an end table next to the couch. The lamp that was formerly sitting on the end table balanced for a moment and then crashed to the floor. The lamp teetered on the edge of the table and then shattered into pieces on the carpet. The bulb broke, too, which was actually probably the bigger tragedy, because the lamp was most likely from one of the Mart stores.  
  
Haley and I looked at each other. She was wearing her "uh oh" expression. The same one she had when we were seven and Mom discovered us trying to dye the neighbor's formerly white poodle pink. "It'll be prettier," Haley told me, "they'll thank us."  
  
Julia advanced on us quickly, leaning over our shoulders to survey the damage. Haley and I turned slowly around to face her mom, trying to suppress our giggles.  
  
She didn't see as much humor in it as we did. She rolled up a magazine and whacked us each across the butt and pointed to the table, attempting to look stern.  
  
Haley and I walked to the table, pretending like she hurt us. Our experience told us that it was better to pretend that you were already hurt. That way, she wouldn't see the need to continue with the punishment.  
  
"You two are too big for playing around like that," she lectured us. Haley and I exchanged smirks. So she hadn't given up her classic lines after all. I found strange comfort in that.  
  
Haley let out a laugh and covered her mouth with her hand, but it didn't help. She kept laughing. It spread. I couldn't stop laughing either. Eventually, Julia's mock parental look cracked into a smile and she hugged us both. "Don't grow up, okay? I love you guys too much."  
  
We promised. "Okay then, clean up the mess you made and sit down for dinner."  
  
Haley and I looked at each other and started cracking up again.  
  
Julia handed me the portable phone while Haley got out the broom. "Here, honey, call Keith and let him know you're staying for dinner."  
  
"Actually, I'm not really hungry. I'd better be going home now anyway. Sorry about the lamp."  
  
"Hey! I'm not cleaning this by myself!" Haley objected.  
  
"Yes you are," Julia said firmly, swatting Haley again with the magazine.  
  
"Ha ha!" Getting in one solid laugh before Julia whacked me with the magazine, "Go back to Keith, Luke, he needs you."  
  
I rubbed my bottom, pretending like it hurt.  
  
She smacked me again, just to spite me. "Tell Keith I said hi, and to call if he needs anything."  
  
I walked home feeling a whole ten pounds lightly than I had leaving it. I decided fixing what I did to Peyton could wait another day...or year. Two years? 


	20. Luke's dream

Author's note: Sorry it took so long so update. I was suffering some combination writer's block/summer laziness, but I think I'm over it. Cross your fingers. I wasn't sure about posting this chapter, but I decided to take Winnie's advice and face my fears. Reviews are appriciated. I actually have a direction now (woo hoo), but suggestions are still welcome.

Keith was sitting in the kitchen with Deb when I got home. It pissed me off. The phrase "fraternizing with the enemy" came to mind. I would have gotten a lecture from Mom if I had said that out loud. She spent the last two months trying to convince me that Deb wasn't the enemy. I didn't buy it, though. She helped make Nathan. She was half responsible for putting that bastard on the planet. I couldn't get over that.  
  
Deb stood up when I opened the front door. "Lucas."  
  
"Hi Deb," I said. I was being civil. I could be civil. Deb was Keith's sister in law. They had always gotten along well, and I was almost certain Keith wasn't above smacking me for being disrespectful. I didn't want to find out for sure.  
  
"Your eulogy was great, Luke. Karen would have liked it."  
  
"How would you know? You weren't friends until Dan started being a bastard to you, too."  
  
"Luke!" Keith said harshly. So much for being civil. Keith kept glaring at me.  
  
"Sorry." I muttered.  
  
"Listen, Lucas. I'm sorry. You're right. Your mom and I were never really close friends and I'm sorry for that. For the short time that I did know her, I found that she was an amazing woman and I wish I had gotten to spend more time with her."  
  
"Yeah," I didn't know what to say. She was going to make me cry again and I was at a new record of hours without tears. I looked away.  
  
"I brought you some more food," she said, filling the awkward silence that had taken over the room. "Not that you need it, though. Keith tells me you are a terrific cook."  
  
I looked at Keith. This pissed me off, too. I felt like he gave away a deep, dark secret of mine. Sharing secrets with the enemy. My good mood from Haley's house lasted the walk home. My temper was dancing on the surface at all times, so I decided to get out of there before I started accusing Deb of giving birth to Satan, ahem, Nathan.  
  
"I'm going to my room," I told Keith.  
  
"All right," he agreed.  
  
I hung up the suit that I had thrown on my bed earlier. I didn't like this cleaning up after myself business that I had to start.  
  
The few fights that Mom and I had past the age of ten had to do with my room being a disaster zone. I would pull the, "it's my room," and she would come back with "but it's my house." Then I would sit in my room and_ not _clean until Mom would use the, "you're not leaving the house until your room is clean" threat. I think one of our worst fights started with that exact scenario. After much groaning and complaining and general anger at the world, I finally set out to tackle the mountains of clothes and junk that made up the floor of my room. Partway through reclaiming my room from the mess monsters, the river court boys came over, wanting to play a game. I had been attempting to clean for the last two hours and was more than ready for a break.  
  
"I'm going out, Mom." I called.  
  
"Is your room clean?" she called back.  
  
I looked around my room. It was cleanER. I was starting to see the top of my desk and my carpet again. "Yeah," I called.  
  
"Have fun, sweetie."  
  
I did have fun. Three hours of fun at the river court. When I got back, I was hoping that she hadn't seen my room. No such luck. I entered through the door to my room and the first thing I saw was Mom sitting on my bed, waiting for me.  
  
"So this is what you call clean, Lucas?"  
  
"umm..."  
  
"It's a simple question, son. Either yes you think it's clean in which case we need to redefine your version of clean, or no, you don't think so and you lied to me. So which is it?"  
  
Oh shit. "Um, which one is worse?"  
  
"Lucas!" she yelled.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mom. I'll finish cleaning now."  
  
"Yes, you will. And then you'll clean the bathroom and the kitchen and the living room just to make sure that you understand what is really clean."  
  
"What?! That's insane!"  
  
"First you argue with me all morning about cleaning your room and then you lie to me and say it's clean and go play with you friends after I told you that you weren't allowed to go until it was clean."  
  
"I'm not cleaning the whole house."  
  
"Oh yes, you are."  
  
She won. As usual.  
  
It seemed so long ago that my biggest problem was cleaning my room. Now I had to stop myself from crying for 6 consecutive hours.  
  
Keith poked his head in my room. "Did you eat something?"  
  
"Yes, _Mom_, I did."  
  
"How did things go with Peyton?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
He raised an eyebrow, but I didn't offer anymore details. He didn't push.  
  
"We're going out to eat," he said.  
  
"I already ate."  
  
"Has anyone ever told you that the worst liar on the planet? I don't think you've said one honest thing since you walked into the house."  
  
"Not true. I said, 'I'm home'."  
  
He raised his eyebrow again.  
  
"Come on, Keith. I don't want to go."  
  
"You're eating."  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"As first order of business as your parental guardian, you are coming to dinner."  
  
I stared at him.  
  
"Let's go, Luke."  
  
"I really, really don't want to go anywhere, can we just eat here?"  
  
He considered me. My attempt at bambi eyes must have worked because he agreed. "Fine. What should I heat up for you?"  
  
We sat down to eat together, neither one of us saying anything. We had reached a level of comfortable silence. I was glad he wasn't making me talk. It seemed like all everyone wanted to do was talk about Mom. I didn't want to think about her. It hurt too much.  
  
But halfway through picking apart my lasagna, I wanted to talk. Keith, who was actually eating his food, looked up when I said, "Keith."  
  
He looked shocked. I guess I hadn't initiated conversation in awhile.  
  
"Yeah, Luke."  
  
"What did you mean when you threatened to tell Dan what really happened between him and Mom?"  
  
Keith looked away. "Ummm... well, he knew what it meant. Don't worry about it, Luke."  
  
"I want to know."  
  
"Maybe when you're older."  
  
"How old do you want me to be? I'm practically grown already."  
  
"I know. I hate that."  
  
"So are you going to tell me?"  
  
He shook his head. "You don't need to know."  
  
"Keith!" I said, as if saying his name would get a confession out of him. It didn't.  
  
"Luke!" He said, copying my exasperated tone.  
  
"That's not fair!"  
  
"Eat!"  
  
I went to bed right after dinner, if spreading lasagna around your plate so it looks like less counts as dinner, that is. I was exhausted. Burying your only parent really takes it out of you, I guess. But once I brushed my teeth and crawled between my green jersey knit sheets, I was wide awake again.  
  
"Keith!" I called. I don't know where it came from. My mouth traveled faster than my brain, and once he appeared in the doorway, I had nothing to say.  
  
"Yes, Luke?"  
  
"Don't leave me, okay?" Another statement I didn't plan to say. It just happened.  
  
He nodded and smiled with one side of his mouth.  
  
"Okay, Luke. I won't leave you."  
  
And all of the sudden, I was sleepy. I could barely hold my eye lids up. Gravity was pulling them down. Sleep was pulling them down.  
  
"Goodnight Prince Lucas," Keith said softly, apparently thinking I was already asleep.  
  
"Goodnight King Keith," I said, half asleep.  
  
When Keith lived with us, he used to tell me stories every night before bed. When Mom put me to bed, she would read to me, but Keith always made up stories about Kings and castles and princes. Fairy tales for guys, if you will. There were always dragons and horses and bad guys, but never a princess. It was always an adventure story; we would be out to save an innocent kitten, or to save the kingdom from an evil intruder.  
  
I don't know how long Keith stood in my doorway because I was asleep in seconds. Dreams came not much longer. I guess I skipped right over the first few stages of sleep, right to REM sleep. The scene looked familiar. It was my kitchen. A blonde kid was sitting at the table in a booster seat. It was me. I was little, 3, maybe 4 or even 5. I decided on 4. Mom was standing at the sink washing dishes.  
  
"Mommy?" I said, with my mouth stuffed with cheerios and bananas.  
  
"Don't talk with your mouth full, honey," she said in a voice harsher than I remember her ever talking.  
  
I swallowed. "Where is Keith?"  
  
She sighed and rubbed her forehead with her hand. "Um, I don't know, baby." She sounded sad.  
  
"Why didn't he come home last night? He didn't tell me a story."  
  
Mom turned to face me. My 16 year old self shivered. She was so real. It was my mom. It didn't matter that I was dreaming, I reached out, hoping that I could touch her, but all I got was my wall. I opened my eyes and found myself back in my bedroom. My heart sank. I closed my eyes again, hoping to be back in the kitchen in my booster seat, and sure enough, when my eyes were closed, there I was, continuing with my interrogation of why Keith wasn't home. I guess this was when Keith lived with us.  
  
"When is he coming home?"  
  
Mom turned around to face me, "He should be home soon." She looked at the clock on the microwave. "Hurry and eat, Luke, we have to leave soon."  
  
Keith entered as if on cue. Mom turned quickly and started washing dishes again. He kissed the top of my head and approached Mom. Usually he kissed her next, but she wouldn't turn around.  
  
She was doing the dishes from the night before more aggressively than she usually washed them. It was like she was trying to release her anger on the poor plates because she couldn't soak Keith in soap and scrub the hell out of him. Generally when she had that pissed off look, it was because I did something wrong. I had never seen her mad at Keith before. I watched as Keith apologized for not coming home.  
  
"I called the bar, Keith."  
  
He looked down, but she couldn't see. She still hadn't looked at him since he walked in.  
  
"You left the bar with a woman." Mom said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.  
  
Keith didn't say anything.  
  
"This is the part where you offer a really great explanation," she informed him, full of bitterness.  
  
"Karen..."  
  
"Who was she, Keith?"  
  
"Karen, I'm sorry."  
  
"How was she?"  
  
"Karen, please-"  
  
"No, Keith! You won't look at me and you're not denying it. You're wearing the same clothes for God's sake."  
  
He still didn't answer. Mom started crying. She leaned back over the dishes, her back away from Keith. Keith leaned over her, touching her shoulder.  
  
"Don't touch me!" Mom turned around and started hitting him with the dishtowel. "You cheated on me, Keith! You had sex with another woman!"  
  
"Karen, I-"  
  
"Shut up, Keith! Shut the hell up! I'm not talking to you."  
  
"I'll make it up to you," he whispered.  
  
And it all made sense. This was when Keith cheated on Mom, like he said earlier, "it was the biggest mistake I ever made..."  
  
She gave him a dirty look and stormed out of the room.  
  
I stayed in my booster seat, not able to get out without Mom's help.  
  
Keith's eyes were welling with tears.  
  
"Where were you, Keith?"  
  
He looked at me like he just realized I was in the room.  
  
"What, kid?"  
  
"You didn't tell me a story last night."  
  
"I'm sorry, Luke. I'll tell you a story tonight."  
  
"Mommy is mad at you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"She said a bad word at you."  
  
He nodded, still not looking at me.  
  
"Where did you go?"  
  
"I- I- I" He didn't know how to answer me. How do you tell a four year old that you cheated on his mom?  
  
Mom came out of her room still looking furious. "Go ahead, Keith tell him where you were last night."  
  
Keith didn't say anything.  
  
"Then get the hell away from my kid."  
  
Mom picked me up out of my booster seat.  
  
"I'm sorry, Karen. I'm so so so so so so sorry."  
  
She ignored him and carried me to my room. She dropped me harshly on my bed and started throwing the contents of my drawers around, looking for clothes. She picked a shirt and pants from my closet and nearly broke the small plastic hanger getting them out.  
  
"Luke, get dressed, we need to leave."  
  
I shook my head. Keith was standing in the doorway looking miserable.  
  
"Lucas. Get. Dressed." She said firmly.  
  
I started whimpering. "I didn't get my story."  
  
"I'll tell you a story tonight, Luke," Keith repeated.  
  
"No you won't. You're not coming back."  
  
"Karen-"  
  
"I'm serious, Keith. I'm not living with someone who cheats."  
  
"I'm never going to do it again. I swear, Karen, from now on-"  
  
Mom looked back at me. I wasn't moving.  
  
"Lucas!" She grabbed my arm and started yanking off my pajamas roughly. I started crying harder.  
  
"This would be easier if you would cooperate, Luke!" She yelled at me.  
  
"I want Keith to read to me."  
  
"Keith can't read to you," she said, while prying the shirt over my head.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because he is a liar and a cheater," Mom started.  
  
Keith interrupted from the doorway, "Don't tell him that!"  
  
"Get out of my house!" Mom yelled.  
  
"Not until you hear me out."  
  
"No! I'm getting my son dressed and we're leaving. We're late already."  
  
"I'll take him to school. You go ahead and go to the café."  
  
"We don't need your help, Keith."  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"I don't need someone who cheats."  
  
"I said I'm sorry."  
  
"It's going to take a hell of a lot more than sorry to fix what you did."  
  
I was sitting and wouldn't stand up. She had yanked my Ninja Turtle pajamas off and the only thing she had left was to put on my jeans, but I wouldn't stand up. She was trying to lift me up and put the pants on me at the same time, but it wasn't working. She needed Keith to help. Either that or she needed to tell me that Keith would tell me a story later, and I would have cooperated.  
  
"Lucas! Stand up!"  
  
"You're yelling at Keith," I cried.  
  
"That is not your problem. Stand up."  
  
"I'm not going to school without a story."  
  
"I don't have time for this. Get up!"  
  
I cried harder, but made no effort to stand. Mom stood up, grabbed my arm, pulled me up and spanked my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-underwear clad bottom. Rafael and Donatello's ninja bodies did nothing to protect my butt from her enormous hand that took all her remaining aggression against her boyfriend out on my butt. She landed three hard whacks before Keith ran to my aid. "Karen, Stop!" She looked up at him and then at me. She was griping my arm so tight her knuckles were white. I was screaming, but I saw her looking at me like she had no idea how I got there. She looked terrified, but I was screaming too hard to care too much.  
  
She let go of my arm, and Keith scooped me up. He put his arm under my butt to hold me up, but I started screaming again. He tried to put me back down, but I screamed louder. He compromised by holding me up with his hand on my back. He patted my back until I stopped screaming. Mom watched him comfort me and she burst into tears. If she was in a cartoon we would both have gravity defying tears that shoot upwards before coming down again.  
  
"It's me you want to hit, Karen," Keith said quietly, "Don't take it out on Luke." At the mention of my name I started scream-crying again. Mom buried her face in her hands.  
  
Keith looked from Mom to me and back again unsure of what to do.  
  
"I'm just gonna take him..." Keith said.  
  
Mom didn't let him finish. She wiped her eyes and said, "You're not taking him anywhere. Put him down."  
  
Keith shook his head. "I'm not leaving him with you."  
  
"Yes, you are." She stood up, "come on, baby." She held her hands out for me.  
  
I turned away and buried my face in Keith's shirt.  
  
"Look, Karen, why don't you go get dressed and I'll get Luke dressed," Mom must have acquiesced because Keith tried his luck, "I can take him to school."  
  
"No." Mom said flatly. No explanation, just no.  
  
"Fine," said Keith. It wasn't fine, but he recognized defeat, "I'll finish getting him ready. You go get dressed."  
  
I could tell Mom wanted to argue, but we had to leave. She made me look at her and said, "Luke, I'm sorry, honey."  
  
I didn't respond. She let me go.  
  
"Come on, Luke. Let's go brush your teeth."  
  
His hand swallowed mine and he lead me into the bathroom and handed me my dinosaur toothbrush and Ninja Turtle toothpaste. They didn't make Ninja Turtle toothbrushes, or I would have that too.  
  
He let me brush my teeth without talking. I rinsed my mouth and looked at Keith, unsure of what to do next. He steadied my shoulders. "Lucas, I love you."  
  
"I love you too," I said automatically. He and Mom told me they loved me all the time and it was just a response.  
  
"It doesn't matter what happens with me and your mom, I want you to know that I love you. Do you understand?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Are you ready to put your pants on?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
He set me down on the counter and washed my face, attempting to eliminate its red puffiness. It wasn't working, but at least I had stopped crying.  
  
"All we need is your pants, and then you'll be ready," he said more enthuisatically than was usually reserved for putting on pants, "Maybe you'll be even faster than Mom."  
  
His faux enthusiasm was enough to get me to go back to my room, but it wasn't enough to put my pants on.  
  
"Do you need help?" Keith asked when I didn't put them on. He knew very well that I could dress myself.  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Then what's the problem, buddy?"  
  
I rubbed my bottom. "It still hurts," I cried, my bottom lip starting to quiver again.  
  
Keith rushed to my side.  
  
"Don't cry, Luke. It's okay. It won't hurt any more to put your pants on."  
  
I shook my head, tears starting to spill from my eyes again. "I don't want to."  
  
"Luke...please?" He was starting to get frustrated, too. He was under enough stress trying to get Mom to look at him; the last thing he needed was for his 4 year old to refuse to get dressed.  
  
"Are you gonna spank me, too?"  
  
"No, Lucas. I won't."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Cross my heart, hope to die."  
  
"Stick a thousand needles in your eye?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
I starting putting my pants on and Keith went to the room he and Mom shared to attempt damage control with Mom.  
  
Mom's room was across the hall and usually I could hear her talking, but they were keeping their voices low. I could hear them hissing at each other, but I couldn't make out the words. Mom apparently won, because Keith came back into my room with Mom right behind him.  
  
"Remember what I said, Luke?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Good," he gave me a hug, "I love you, buddy."  
  
"Will you tell me a story tonight?" I asked.  
  
Keith eyes welled with tears, but he refused to let them spill, "Um, no, kiddo. Not tonight."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
He looked at Mom. "I can't do this, Kare. Let me come home." He was pleading now. The only thing that would have made him more desperate would be if he was kneeling in front of her with flowers in his hands.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"I'll call you later...when you're less..._irrational_." That was the wrong this to say. Mom pointed to the door, "Get out, Keith!"  
  
Keith didn't look back at me. He just left, without a word.  
  
I looked up at Mom with my eyes full of tears.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Luke," she got down on her knees and pulled me close to her, swallowing my whole body in her arms.  
  
"Where did Keith go?" I asked.  
  
"He's going to go away for awhile."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because he hurt Mommy very bad."  
  
"Mommy hurt me, too."  
  
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," she squeezed me tighter, "I was just really mad at Keith...I know that's not a good reason and I will never _never_ do that to you again, baby."  
  
The silence on the way to daycare did Mom some good. She took me out of my car seat much happier than when she put me in it.  
  
She dropped me off in my classroom of primary colors with a big hug. "Listen, baby, I know this is hard for you."  
  
I just stared at her. I didn't want to say anything that was going to make her cry again.  
  
"What do you say we do something fun after school?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Where should we go?"  
  
I shrugged. Having fun didn't sound like a possibility at the moment.  
  
"Well you think about it and we can go after I finish work, okay?"  
  
I nodded my agreement.  
  
She kissed me, "Have a good day. I love you."  
  
"I love you more," I said, smiling.  
  
"No way!" She said, overly enthusiastic. It made me happy though, my grin spread across my face. "I love you thiiiiiis much." She spread her arms as far apart as they would go.  
  
"Well I love you thiiiiis much." I did the same, although her arms were much longer than mine.  
  
"I love you thiiiiiiis much," she wrapped her arms around me and started kissing me all over my face.  
  
I giggled.  
  
"Ok, bye, sweetie, I'll pick be back to pick you up."  
  
I went to join the block center and Mom went to talk to my teacher.  
  
The scene changed. I wanted to open my eyes and see Mom standing there, but I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to risk waking up and not being able to go back to the dream...or memory...or whatever it was. It couldn't be a memory because I didn't remember that I remembered it. It was making me dizzy. I stopped thinking and watched the dream/memory play out.  
  
Mom picked me up and took me back to the café, like usual.  
  
"Have you thought of where you want to go?" She asked cheerfully. She was putting on this act for me, I was sure. But I liked her fake happiness better than her crying, so I let it go.  
  
I was in the back watching Sesame Street while Mom worked. I heard Keith come in, furious.  
  
"You won't answer my calls," he said angrily.  
  
"I'm taking Lucas to have pizza tonight, you can move out then," she pretended like she didn't hear him.  
  
Their discussion seemed to be more interesting that the letter G and the number 8, so I peeked through the doorway, out of view.  
  
"Karen, I'm begging you. Give me another chance."  
  
"No, Keith. You cheated on me."  
  
"I'm sorry. You have to believe me. I am so sorry. It was stupid. It didn't mean anything."  
  
"So you blew our relationship on something that didn't mean anything?"  
  
He sighed. "You know what I mean."  
  
"No, Keith, I don't. Enlighten me."  
  
"Listen, Karen. I love you."  
  
She didn't answer.  
  
"I know you love me."  
  
"I used to," her voice cracked. She was holding back tears.  
  
"Karen," he tried to come around the counter that was filled with flowers. All from Keith, I'm sure.  
  
"No," she said firmly. "Stay there. You have until 7 to move out."  
  
"What about Lucas?"  
  
She looked up, sharply. "What about him?"  
  
"You can't stop me from seeing him."  
  
"Yes I can. I don't want you to see him."  
  
"That's not fair, Karen!"  
  
"You screwed up."  
  
"I know. I did. But I didn't hurt _him_."  
  
"I don't want you to see him," she repeated.  
  
"Karen..."  
  
"No, you're not his father."  
  
Keith looked hurt. Really hurt.  
  
"No, Keith, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."  
  
"You know. I never thought that you of all people would throw that in my face."  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm just mad at you."  
  
"Yeah, well, don't make your kid suffer cause you're mad at me."  
  
"I don't want you to hurt him like you hurt me."  
  
"I would never do that."  
  
"I thought that, too."  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"In the back. He's fine. Don't make a bigger deal out of this that it is."  
  
"It is a big deal. You're kicking me out. You think he's not going to notice?"  
  
"I just don't want him to hurt."  
  
"Like he did this morning when you spanked the poor kid?"  
  
She looked down. "We talked about it. He's okay now."  
  
"I don't want to leave him with you if you are going to do that to him again. What if I didn't stop you?"  
  
"It's not going to happen again. And seeing as I'm his mother and you're not. You don't have a choice. Please leave."  
  
"I want to see him."  
  
"No."  
  
I ran out of my hiding place.  
  
"Keith!" I ran to him and wrapped my hands around his leg.  
  
"Hi, Luke!" He picked me up and gave me a kiss. "Did you have a good day?" He was pretending like nothing was wrong. Mom was looking really angry. I noticed that customers who were finished eating were staying to watch the scene play out.  
  
"Will you tell me a story tonight?" I asked, ignoring his question.  
  
He looked at Mom. She shook her head.  
  
"Mom will tell you a story," he said.  
  
I shook my head and leaned close to whisper in his ear, "Mom isn't good at telling stories. She always makes the prince kiss a princess." I made a face, illustrating my disgust at the thought of kissing.  
  
Keith laughed. He was going to say something back to me, but Mom cleared her throat loudly.  
  
We both looked up.  
  
"Keith, you need to leave."  
  
"Karen, I'm sorry. I really am. What do I have to do to prove that to you?"  
  
"Just leave Keith. Don't make this worse than it is."  
  
"Mommy, can Keith come have pizza with us?" I pleaded.  
  
"No, Luke. Keith is leaving now."  
  
"But I don't want him to leave."  
  
"I'm sorry, honey." She looked at Keith. "Leave."  
  
He finally followed her command.  
  
Once the door shut behind him, I asked Mom, "When is he coming back?"  
  
"Not for awhile, Luke."  
  
"But I want to see him."  
  
"No."  
  
"But Mom-"  
  
"No, Luke." She said more forcefully.  
  
I looked away from her and ran out the door, chasing after Keith.  
  
"Lucas!" Mom ran after me.  
  
"Keith!" I screamed, running into the parking lot, searching for his truck. It was pulling out of the lot, but he didn't see me. "Keith!!" I yelled again, tears running down my face.  
  
"Lucas!" Mom grabbed me up before I knew what was happening. She had a look of pure terror on her face. For a second I thought she was going to spank me again, but she just carried me into the café, past all the observant customers, into the kitchen in the back.  
  
"Lucas Scott!" She was in my face, whisper-shouting. "You know better than to run out into the street!"  
  
"I want Keith back!" I shouted.  
  
She clamped her hand over my mouth.  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"Keith! Keith!"  
  
"Luke!" But it wasn't Mom who said it. The scene in the café disappeared and was replaced by present day Keith looking just as terrified as Mom did when I ran into the street. "Luke, it's okay. It was just a dream," he said, frantically. I wonder how long he was trying to wake me up.  
  
"What? Where's Mom?" I asked in one breath.  
  
"Lucas?" He asked like he was afraid it wasn't really me.  
  
"Where's Mom?" I repeated with more force.  
  
"She's dead, Luke."  
  
"No, she was there. She was right in front of me. I ran out in the street and she was mad at me. She was there." I reached out in front of me, desperate for her to appear there where she was.  
  
"Luke, you were dreaming."  
  
"No I wasn't! It was real!" Why wasn't he listening to me?!  
  
He felt my forehead, "You're really hot, Luke, maybe you're getting a fever. He pulled my covers down, letting me breathe.  
  
I knocked his hand away, and jerked the sheet off of me. It was stuck to my body. I was drenched in sweat.  
  
"Would you listen?! I was running after you. You...you were younger. I was younger. Mom was mad at you. She kicked you out and you didn't want to leave." I was speaking very fast and incoherently, but apparently Keith understood, because his face became rigid. "Maybe it was just a memory."  
  
"But I didn't remember it before."  
  
"You were too little."  
  
"How old was I...when she kicked you out?'  
  
"Four, I think. Yeah, four." Ha! I was right.  
  
"You bought her flowers, but she wouldn't take you back. And I didn't want you to leave."  
  
"I'm going to get you some water, Luke," he obviously didn't want to talk about it.  
  
He came back with a glass of water for me and tuned on the fan. It felt good against my sweaty body. I peeled my shirt off and threw it in my hamper. Keith sat on the foot of my bed, still not talking. He was staring at my wall, but it looked more like he was staring through it. I hated seeing him looking so sad and so...well, grieving.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" I asked him, desperate for him to come back to Earth.  
  
He shook back to reality. "What? Oh, um..." he smiled, "I was thinking about your first day of kindergarten."  
  
"What? Why?" I didn't mention that I didn't remember Keith being any part of my first day of kindergarten. He read my mind, "Oh I wasn't there. You were completely fine. It was your mom that was a wreck."  
  
"No she wasn't. She made me French toast for breakfast and we ate together. Then she let me pick out my clothes and we walked to school. She took me to my class and that was it."  
  
"Right. And then she came to my shop absolutely hysterical because she sent her only baby off to school. She was a mess. She would have kept you at home forever if she didn't have to work."  
  
I smiled, "Yeah, she always was pretty sentimental about stuff like that."  
  
He laughed to himself, "She came crying to me for your first everything. It was pathetic."  
  
I only remembered her crying like three times in my life and none of them were for firsts of mine. "What? No she didn't."  
  
"She always waited until you were gone."  
  
I raised my eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, your first little league game. I sat with her in the back of the stands while she cried her eyes out at her little baby in uniform."  
  
I grinned.  
  
"The first time you wanted to use the men's room instead of the women's in public...the day you started walking...your first word, which was 'mama' by the way...and ten bucks says while I was teaching you how to shave she was in her room crying."  
  
I laughed. I wondered why I never noticed. "You never told me any of this."  
  
He shrugged, "I didn't think it mattered to you."  
  
"So you two had this whole secret relationship that I didn't know about where you would get together and talk about me?"  
  
"Pretty much, yeah."  
  
He ruffled my hair and let out an enormous yawn.  
  
"Do you need anything, kid?"  
  
I shook my head and lay down again.  
  
"Goodnight, Lucas," he put my blanket over me and left, closing the door softly behind him.

* * *

(Now's when you review : ) please) 


	21. May Scott

A week had passed since the funeral. We were still getting lots of sympathy cards in the mail, but the flower deliveries were decreasing. My school gave me one more week before I had to come back for classes. I would love to say that I was enjoying the time away from school, but it was getting boring. I still slept the majority of the time. Keith dragged me to the shop a few times to get me out of the house.

I went to the river court to shoot some hoops during the day when I knew everyone was in school. I didn't want to talk to any of the river court boys. They made me a video where they passed around Mouth's camera and gave me words of sympathy and encouragement. It took me an entire week to watch it because I kept crying too hard to continue the video. I didn't want the waterfall of tears to start again in their presence. In fact, the only person I'd had contact with other than Keith was Haley. And also Deb, who came every night to make sure we were okay. I always found an emergency in my room that I had to tend to during her visits. For example, my bed needed to be sat in immediantly, or my computer needed to be, um, played with... She made Nathan, I thought that was enough not to like her.

"Your turn," I said quickly to Keith when the doorbell rang again. We were sitting at the kitchen table. I answered the door about an hour before. It was the flower delivery man who didn't speak English. I stood at the door for what seemed like eternity while he told me about his mother, or maybe it was his sister, I really couldn't understand a word. I feigned a dizzy spell complete with hand-on-forehead faint to get out of listening to any more of the story.

We were eating dinner and I wasn't eating. I could tell it was taking Keith a lot of effort not to hold me down and force the food into my mouth, but he had stopped trying to get me to eat. "When you're hungry, you'll eat," he told me, giving me his own sad attempt at reverse psychology. It didn't work. Much.

At least the doorbell got Keith off my back for a little while. Plus, it couldn't be Deb at the door. She had stopped ringing the bell, she just came in. Keith was fine with it. I wasn't. I didn't turn around when Keith opened the door. With any luck, they would drop the food and leave, that way I wouldn't have to reassure anyone that I was fine, when really I wasn't.

"Mom!" Keith exclaimed as the door opened wide. Mom? I turned around. Sure enough, May Scott, or "Mom" to Keith, was standing in our doorway.

"Keith, baby," she embraced her eldest son. He hugged her back. They stood, holding each other, until May spotted me trying not to watch them.

"Lucas," she said, letting her son go.

I stood up.

"Lucas," she repeated, "I'm so sorry about your mom." She came close to me. Too close. It was awkward. She hugged me quickly and let me go, unsure of what to do. I didn't return the hug, nor did I turn away. I wasn't sure how I felt about Grandma Scott. When they still lived in Tree Hill, Keith would take me to visit her. She would take me to the park and their neighborhood pool. I always had a great time. Sometimes Mom would even come and it felt so great having a mom, a dad _and_ a grandma.

One of those visits when I was 9 or 10, Mom was showing Grandma and me her secret recipe for the world's most fabulous cookies at her house when Grandpa came home. Grandma gasped when he came stumbling in the door, smelling like what I now know is the bitter smell of alcohol. Mom grabbed me and we sneaked out the back door.

Grandpa was yelling at Grandma and Keith about me and Mom being in "his house." Apparently we weren't worthy of his love for reasons I didn't understand. Still don't, for that matter. Mom sat with me in the car where I could still hear everything that was going on. Basically, Grandpa was yelling at Grandma for letting us enter "his" house. I didn't hear Grandma's reply. Keith yelled back at him that it wasn't his house and Grandma could have whoever she wanted over... and also that he's a jackass. Mom squeezed my hand and closed her eyes when she heard him say this. She apparently thought it was an invitation for an ass kicking. We heard noises like furniture being pushed around while May screamed. Keith told his mom to come with him and leave the bastard, but when the front door spit him out and slammed loudly behind him, he was alone.

He got into the front seat of the car and slammed the door. Mom looked close to tears. She let my hand go and took Keith's instead. "You can't leave her here," she said quietly.

He shook his head, "She won't come."

"Keith," Mom began, but he jerked his arm out of her reach. She looked away.

"I've spent my whole life trying to get her to leave him," Keith said, raising his voice, "she won't do it." He shook his head, "If she wants to spend the rest of her life as a punching bag, that's her decision, but I'm done. I've been a punching bag for too long."

He started the car. Mom put her hand on his arm again, and he didn't move it away. He turned to look at her for the first time since he got in the car. She gasped. "He did that to you?!"

Keith's left eye was red and puffy, soon to turn into a black eye.

"Does it hurt?" She asked softly.

"It's not the first time, Kare."

"Well it's the last, Keith, don't come back here."

He nodded.

"Come home with us. We can put some ice on it." He smiled and nodded again.

And there was Miss Punching Bag herself, sitting at the table with Keith and me, sipping the cup of coffee that Keith just handed her.

"So you got my message, then?" Keith asked, desperate for conversation.

She shook her head, "I ran into Mrs. Fields at the mall and she asked me if I knew where Lucas was living now. I had no idea what she was talking about."

"I left a few messages with Dad and I left a message on your machine."

She smiled weakly, "I didn't get them."

"Where's Dad?" Keith asked.

She shrugged, "I told him I was leaving, and that, um, didn't really make him too happy."

Keith scoffed, "So...you just...left?"

She nodded with a determination I had never seen before in my grandma. The weakness that had taken over her being for so many years was momentarily replaced by a sense of self pride. It suited her well.

Keith choked, "he's gonna kill you."

"I'm not going back, baby. My stuff is in the car."

Keith smiled, "Good. It's about time...We're kind of out of beds here, though. You can stay at my apartment."

"I'll go stay with Haley and you can have my bed," I volunteered.

"Oh, no, no good has ever come out of your sleepovers with Haley."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said innocently.

Keith let out a disbelieving laugh. "I can remind you later, Luke."

May looked confused.

"Luke has never spent the night at Haley's house without ending up in trouble," he explained.

May smiled at me, "Luke? Nah. I can't imagine this sweet boy in trouble ever." Oh how naïve she was. It was cute in an old person kind of way.

Keith scoffed, "You obviously haven't seen his tattoo."

May's eyes widened, "tattoo?"

"So, you're staying at Keith's apartment, eh?" I said quickly, desperate for a change in conversation. They exchanged glances that said they knew exactly what I was doing, but let it go.

"Actually, honey, I was thinking about staying with Dan," She took an unusually long sip of her coffee and avoided eye contact with Keith.

"Dan?" Keith said, disbelievingly, "But Mom, Dan's an asshole."

Her eyes narrowed and she slapped his hand that was resting on the table. He jerked his hand away and shook it, "Jesus, Mom! OW! I forgot you used to do that."

She watched her son try to rub the pain out of his hand, and the corner of her mouth tilted upwards, "Don't talk about your brother like that."

"Well he is," Keith said defiantly until his mother waved a threatening hand in his direction, "He's living at his beach house now. Did you know that? Deb kicked him out."

"He is? She did?"

Keith nodded.

"Where's Nathan?"

"With Deb," Keith said. May nodded. Keith continued, "For now, anyway. It's only a matter of time before Danny turns him against her."

May sighed. She knew it was true, but she didn't want to believe it.

"What? You're not going to stick up for your precious Danny?"

Her eyes narrowed again and Keith hid his hands.

I laughed. They both looked at me.

"Sorry. Continue." I gestured for them to continue, in case they didn't know what the word meant.

"Dan has become more and more like your father towards Deb. No one deserves that."

"Except you?"

"_Excuse_ me?"

"Why did it take you so long to leave Dad?"

"It was a hard decision, Keith, you wouldn't understand."

"Hard? You want to know what was hard? Hard was listening to him push you around all the time. Hard was being the oldest trying to protect you and Danny. Hard was hearing you say no every time I tried to get you leave his drunk ass."

"I did leave him. I'm here, aren't I?"

"Then why did you make _us _stay with him?" Keith asked quietly, staring intently into his coffee. I wanted to ask if there was something moving in it, but I didn't want to break the tension in the room. It was comforting to hear someone else's drama for a change. Jesus, Luke, that's cold. You need help, I told myself.

She cleared her throat. "Keith, I was scared." Her voice was breaking.

He didn't answer. They both stared at their coffees.

May started to cry.

"Mom, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Please."

She wiped her eyes and smiled an obviously fake smile, "I'm fine, honey."

"Stay here. Stay with us. I'll sleep on the couch," Keith offered, covering his mom's hand with his own much larger hand, the one that wasn't red from having recently been mama-slapped.

"No, honey. I'll stay with Deb and Nathan. You don't have space."

Keith protested some more until May's threatening hand rose again and Keith gave in. "That's not fair, you know that, right?" He told his mom, "I thought you lost the right to slap me when I moved out."

The corners of her lip tilted upwards in a slight smile, "You thought wrong, Keith." She kissed his hand, patted it, and set it back down on the table. "There, honey. That'll make it better," she said in a babying voice.

I laughed. May smiled at me and laughed too. "Now you're grounded, Luke." Keith told me without any real conviction, trying to hold back a smile. I laughed louder, just to spite him. He punched me in the arm, playfully.

"So, um, have you talked to Dan lately?" Keith asked, while blocking my return punch.

May shook her head.

"He, um, gave me Lucas."

She looked up from her coffee. "Gave him?" she choked, "Like you get to keep him forever?"

Keith nodded and ruffled my hair. I felt awkward. I wanted to get out of there.

May smiled, "That's great. I know how much you two love each other."

"I couldn't agree more."

"Maybe I should stay here then. Do you have any idea how to raise a child?"

"He's hardly a child, Mom. Plus, we've been doing okay."

I wanted to leave. Badly.

"Um, can I go?" I asked awkwardly, interrupting my grandma's rebuttal.

"Uh, yeah, go work things out with Peyton," Keith said, slightly taken aback.

"Peyton? What makes you think things are not okay with Peyton?"

"You. You're a terrible liar."

"Yeah... so I'm going to Haley's then."

"Take a coat and call if you're not coming home for dinner."

"Okay."

"Seriously, Luke. Don't stay out all night."

"Okay, I won't stay out all night."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Keith?"

"Yeah?"

"Chill. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, Luke," he smiled, "I know."

* * *

I seriously contemplated going to Peyton's house. I actually walked in that direction for awhile, until I realized that not only did I have absolutely nothing to say to make what I did to her go away, but that her father might be home. If she had told him anything about what happened with us, I would not make it out of the house alive, and that might upset Keith a little bit. I promised myself that I would buy her lots of chocolates and flowers and make it up to her the minute I got home, and turned around toward Haley's house.

I knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for an answer.

Mrs. James was writing lesson plans. She was the director of the Tree Hill daycare. That's how Mom and Julia met, and also how I met Haley.

"Hi, Lucas, how are you feeling?" she asked me sweetly. Too sweetly. At least she didn't offer me any chocolate cake.

"I'm fine," I offered, without sounding convincing. She didn't buy it. She tilted her head slightly. I couldn't stand seeing her feel so sorry for me.

"Well, okay, not fine, but you know... as fine as I can be."

She smiled slightly, in a pitying sort of way. That had to stop. I started to turn around, but she kept talking, "Listen, Lucas, you are welcome here anytime. If you ever need anything..."

"I'm fine," I said again, "Really."

She nodded.

"Well, okay, honey. Haley's in her room."

I nodded thanks and started up the stairs. "Luke?" I turned around, "I could use your help with something if you can pry Haley out of that room of hers. Honestly, I'm starting to think she's injecting pot into her veins. I'm searching for needles next time she leaves it." I laughed. I couldn't decide if it was more from the fact that Mrs. James thought you could inject pot, or the thought of Haley doing drugs. It wouldn't happen.

I played along, "If I see any needles, I'll let you know."

"Please do, she won't let me in there. And if she's hiding any boys in there, she's in big trouble."

"I will check for boys," I said.

"And don't you try anything, Luke. I know how charming you can be. I don't know if Haley can resist the allure of Lucas Scott," she said, grinning.

"I promise not to try anything," I crossed my heart. Try anything? With Haley? Gross.

I knocked on the door and tried to open it without waiting for an answer, but it was locked.

"I'm not hungry," Haley called through the closed door. She sounded sad, not the Haley I knew at all.

"Hales?"

I heard her moving and the door opened just enough for me to slide inside. She yanked me in.

"What's going on?" I asked her. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying.

"Well, um, my second mom just died, what's going on with you?" She grinned slightly, although it did nothing to make her look happier.

I took a deep breath, "Weeeeeell, on my way over here, I found a lottery ticket on the ground. It turns out it was the winner. So, I ran back home and bought a '68 Mustang convertible."

"Your dream car."

"Exactly. I also bought an Escalade to park next to Nathan, and a Z3 in every color, just cause it's a sweet car."

"You need to tone down the testosterone a bit, Luke," she was really smiling now. Making her happy was enough encouragement to continue.

"So then I ordered a farm for you, so you can have all the pets you want."

"Would you remember their names?"

"I could hire someone to remember them for me," I offered.

"That'll work."

"And then I hired a cleaning staff to clean my room."

"Is that all?"

"Oh, and I bought an island. That's all."

She wrapped her arms around me, "I love you, Lukey."

"What did we discuss about calling me that in public?"

"Not to. But we're not in public."

I hugged her back, "I love you, too, Hales."

"How are you so together?" she let me go, "I mean, she's was your mom and you're fine. Why am I such a mess?"

"I'm not fine. I just pretend that I am so people will leave me alone."

"It's not healthy to keep it bottled up inside."

"It's not bottled up inside. I just deal with it differently, that's all."

She nodded and wiped her eyes.

"I had a dream about her last night," Haley told me.

"Really, about what?"

"Do you remember when she took us to the water park for your 9th birthday?" I nodded, "We were there, you, Karen and me. But then we went on the lazy river and we got off, but she didn't. She just kept going and we couldn't find her, so we just left her and kept riding rides without her and having fun."

"Did we find her?"

"I woke up. Weird, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I don't want to forget her, Luke."

"We won't."

"I feel guilty trying to have fun. Like I'm leaving her behind."

I nodded. I knew exactly how she felt.

"How's Keith holding up?"

"He's okay. We haven't really talked. He loved her a lot, too."

We both looked at our hands.

"I had a dream about her, too."

"Tell me about it."

"It was a memory actually. When I was 4, only I didn't remember that I remembered it." I shook my head, that sounded stupid. Haley just nodded. She knew what I meant, and she never thought I was stupid.

"Keith and my mom lived together until I was 4. Keith cheated on her. That's what my dream was about, when she kicked Keith out."

"That sounds traumatic."

"So why wouldn't I remember it?"

"Maybe you repressed it."

I shrugged, "Keith didn't want to leave me, and I didn't want him to leave, but Mom couldn't live with him anymore."

Haley watched me without saying anything.

"And Mom sort of lost it...on me, but Keith rescued me."

"Your mom wasn't the type to lose it."

"I know. Maybe that's why I repressed it." I shrugged.

Haley sensed that I didn't want to talk about it anymore and looked at her hands. I followed her example.

"Your mom needed help with something," I gestured toward the door. Haley didn't react. I continued, "She's worried about you, Hales. She wanted me to check for boys and needles."

Haley's closet made a noise before she had a chance to pronounce her innocence for smuggling any boys.

Her eyes widened as she looked up at me. I would have been more suspicious if I didn't know Haley, and if the closet wasn't saying "mew" in the most pathetic voice I had ever heard.

"Don't tell my mom, okay, Luke."

"You got another cat?" I said, disbelievingly.

"Yeah, but Mom said I couldn't get anymore pets after Tigger. Tigger is the fat one," she said quickly, more mocking my inability to remember her pets' names than for actual explanation purposes. Tigger, the fat one, was the baby of the James pets and somehow outweighed all of them, even the dogs. For three years, Haley's mom actually stuck by her statement and didn't allow any new pets, it was a record.

"So you're keeping it in your closet?"

"_She _just drank her bottle, and I was trying to get her to sleep." Bottle? The hell? "Now you woke her up, Luke."

"Bottle?"

"Yeah, she's a baby. But listen, I actually just ran out of formula and I've been looking for an excuse to get out of here and buy her formula." Her eyes lit up like she had an idea. This was never a good sign. It usually meant that Haley had come up with another genius plan to get us in trouble, and somehow I always ended up in more trouble than she did. Haley had four siblings to distract her parents for her infraction, while I was the only one at my house. Needless to say, I was skeptical to hear her plan.

"Luke, I need your help."

"No way," I shook my head.

"Come on, Lucas. I'll be your best friend," she grinned broadly, temporaritly disguising her tear streaked face.

"You already are my best friend."

"Please?"

"Is this going to get us arrested?"

"No."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Ok, what?"

"Alright, so you go downstairs and distract my mom. Be sure to make lots of noise, while I take the car keys from her purse and-"

"Hales?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you just ask to borrow the car?"

"Ummm... yeah, that might actually work better." She grinned sheepishly. "Let me get her out."

She disappeared into her closet and came out with what looked like a really fluffy beanie baby in her hand.

"That's a cat?"

She gave me a dirty look. No one insults Haley's children- I mean her pets.

"I haven't named her yet." She looked around the room frantically. Then she looked at me, smiled a very suspicious smile and put the little "cat" in the pocket of my hoodie.

"What?! No way, Hales. I draw the line at keeping animals on my person."

"What? Isn't that what that little pouch thingy is for?"

"No! Maybe for kangaroos, but I, Haley, am not a kangaroo."

"Thanks Luke," she grabbed my wrist and led me out of her room.

"You owe me so big!" I hissed at her.

"Shhhh..."

"HiMomwe'regoingoutandtakingyourcarbye!" Haley said in one breath.

"Ok, honey, but wait!" We both froze and turned around slowly.

"Luke, come here for a second," I was sure we were busted, but I walked slowly toward Mrs. James, silently sending telepathic messages for the kitten to be quiet.

"Yes?"

"Did you find anything?" She whispered?

Find anything? Oh! "No boys or needles."

She smiled.

"Do you need anything? At home, I mean."

I shook my head.

"What are you two hiding?" She asked slowly, looking at us sideways.

"Nothing." We said together.

"You really need to work on those lying skills. You can ask any one of your brothers, Haley, I don't know how they got to be so good at it and you can't even leave your room without making me think you're up to something."

"I'll be sure to improve my lying skills, Mom. Thanks."

We bolted out of there before she had a chance to question us anymore.

"So what is this thing?" I asked Haley, pulling the beanie baby out of my hoodie.

"Oh shut up, Luke. It's a cat."

"Its eyes aren't even open. Can it walk?"

"_She_ is sleeping and yes, _she_ can walk."

"How did you find _her_?"

"Actually she was in my backyard. I was walking Max and Cookie and they started barking like crazy at our stack of firewood. Then when I went out there later, she was still there. It's going to snow soon, so I didn't want to leave her there."

"When did this happen?"

"Three days ago."

I decided not to ask her why she didn't tell me. I didn't want to risk hearing a lame excuse. The little kitten slept in my hand the whole car ride. In fact, she slept in my hand as I got out of the car, followed Haley to the formula aisle, waited in line, payed for the formula, got back in the car, and rode all the way back to Haley's house. And by in my hand, I mean the entire body of the cat fit in my hand, with room to spare. She fit in Haley's hand, too, which was quite a bit smaller than mine.

"How old is she?"

"The vet said she's 4 weeks old."

"Are you sure she's alive?" I poked her side. No reaction.

"Yeah, she's alive. She just sleeps a lot."

"And how long are you thinking your mom isn't going to notice that you're boarding an illegal hostage in your room?"

"I was thinking that when she gets too big for my room, I could move her into the boys' rooms and close the doors. It's a bunch of space and by that time, I can just let her go in my house and Mom won't notice that she's new."

"Genius plan, Hales," I said sarcastically.

"What?"

"What about when the boys come visit?"

"They only come for Christmas."

"Right, which is like two weeks away."

"Dammit."

"Is everyone coming for Christmas?"

"Yes, Lucas, Aimee and her breasts will be here for Christmas," she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, I said nothing about your sister's breasts."

"Right. You were just salivating at the thought of her."

"Was not!"

"Repeat after me, Luke: Aimee is in law school. She does not date high school boys."

"I refuse to repeat that."

She laughed, "That doesn't make it less true."

"Does too."

"Does not."

* * *

May/Grandma/Mrs. Scott was gone when I came home from Haley's house. What was I supposed to call her? I made a mental note to ask Keith.

"Lucas, I need a favor," Keith said timidly. Why did I get the feeling this was not something I wanted to agree to?

"What is it?" I asked, skeptically.

"Listen, my mom hasn't had anything good happen for her, like, well, ever."

"Ok..."

"And her birthday just passed." I was waiting for the favor. "It would really mean a lot to her to have dinner with her family."

"Like me included in that?"

"You included."

"Ok...no, wait, you mean Dan too."

"Right. You, me, Dan, Deb and Nathan."

"Nathan?! No way! Sorry Keith, I can't- no way- no!"

"Please, Luke. You don't have to sit with them, or talk to them, or make any contact with them whatsoever."

"Then why do I have to go?"

"Cause you're part of the family."

"And what do I get?"

"The satisfaction of knowing that you made your grandma and me happy?"

I still wasn't convinced.

"More?" He knew I wasn't going to agree with just satisfaction as my reward. "Come with me." He took his keys from the table and grabbed his coat.

"Where are we going? The dinner's not right now, is it?"

"No, just come. You'll see."

I wasn't sure about this, but Keith was grinning, and he didn't do that very often anymore, so I followed him to his car and got in."

We ended up at the shop.

"You're not making me work, are you? This is a trick."

"Oh, shut up, Luke. Just come in."

In the garage was the most beautiful car I had ever seen. Granted it was rusting and it was very doubtful that it actually ran, but it was a 68 Mustang. A classic. My dream car, as Haley put it earlier.

I'm sure I looked like a kid on Christmas morning, because Keith was looking pretty pleased with himself.

"Where did you get this?"

"Mr. Jackson had it sitting in his garage for years, always planning on redoing and detailing it, but the car he actually drives broke down and I traded him this baby for free service, um, well, forever."

"It's awesome!"

"I thought you'd like it."

"Does it run?"

"Not yet."

I looked at the interior. It definitely needed some work, but all the seats were there and the same color, so it was a start. There was a tape deck but no CD player...that could be fixed. The carpeting sucked, but again, that was fixable. My eyes drifted from the steering wheel, the fact that there was one was enough for me, to the gear shift.

"It's a standard," I said.

"All good sports cars should be," Keith said. And then he added, "Don't worry, Luke. I'll teach you how to drive a standard," he grinned, probably remembering the incident in which I lost the right to ever learn how to drive a standard.

Mouth's dad had an old firebird in his garage that was in perfect working condition, he just never drove it. One day Mouth got the genius idea to teach me how to drive it. I was 15, 3 weeks from my 16th birthday. I had my permit, as did Mouth, but neither of us had licenses.

Mouth taught me in an empty parking lot. I was doing well. Clutch, pedal, gas, clutch, pedal, gas...but as I pulled the car into the intersection, I did something wrong and the car peeled out in front of a cop. The fact that it was past city curfew and neither of us were legal drivers didn't help our case any. Two permits should equal a license. Unfortunately the cop did not seem to agree with our simple equation.

The cop called our parents and delivered us safely home. Mom was pissed to say the least. I wasn't allowed to drive for a month, which meant I couldn't get my actual license on my 16th birthday as planned. She also banned me from ever driving with Mouth, or learning to drive a standard. In Mom world, apparently, standard cars are synonymous with danger, because no one ever gets in trouble in automatic cars. Somehow, I still felt like I shouldn't be driving a standard because I knew she wouldn't let me.

Keith read my thoughts, "She wouldn't care."

"Yeah she would. You didn't see how pissed she was when the cop brought me home."

Keith laughed. "I know. She called me still fuming after she sent you to bed."

"See?"

"But she's been looking for a car to get you for awhile. It was going to be your birthday present, but I think she'd want you to have it now."

"She was going to get me a standard?"

"She could only afford a standard. She just hadn't found one yet. She wouldn't have said no to this car, though."

"Oh yeah?"

"Okay, maybe she would have said no, but I would have overridden it. This car is yours."

I grinned broadly. Keith was lying and I knew it. Mom and I had been looking for cars since I turned 16, something she made me promise not to tell Keith. "He'll want to get you some gas-guzzeling, mega-dangerous **_sports car_**." She said **_sports car_** like it was a bad word, or like someone might say, **_poisonous spider._** She was right. When it was up to Keith, he got me a **_sports car_**. Mom would have said no. That didn't mean **_I _**had to. I wasn't about to refuse a free Mustang.

"So what is this? A pity gift or are you trying to buy my love?"

He laughed, "Both. Does that mean you don't want it?"

"No way! Like you said, this car is mine."

"On one condition."

"What's that?" I asked, back to inspecting the interior.

"You have to go to your grandma's birthday dinner."

Oh. In my excitement the car brought, I forgot about the dinner.

I looked at Keith through the window without glass, he was looking hopeful, yet desperate, he didn't think I'd agree. "Fine."

"Really? You'll go?"

"Do I really have a choice?"

"No. If you want the car, you come to dinner."

"Alright, alright, I'll go. When is this dinner taking place?"

"Tomorrow night?"

"Terrific," I said, sarcastically. It was hard to be enthusiastic about the prospect of spending an entire meal with Satan, I mean Nathan. It couldn't be a coincidence that the names rhymed.

"Would it kill you to sound the slightest bit enthusiastic?"

"Terrific!" I said, feigning enthusiasm.

"That's better," he said, matching my sarcasm, and adding a playful punch to my shoulder.


	22. To counseling we will go

I awoke the next morning to the smell of breakfast. Keith was cooking? This couldn't be good. But if Keith was cooking, I would have awaked to the sound of fire trucks. Curiosity was enough to get me out of bed and put a shirt on. Haley would have disapproved of the orange shirt with my red plaid pajama pants, but she wasn't there. I still don't see why red and orange don't match, but the one time I said that to Mom and Haley, they scoffed and muttered "boys" together.

May had cooked breakfast. That would explain the lack of fire trucks.

I was up before Keith.

"Good morning, Luke. Did you know that your spare key is in the most obvious place ever? You really need a new hiding place."

Under the mat is obvious? Who knew?

"I'll put that on my to-do list," I said.

She handed me a plate of scrambled eggs.

"Thanks." I said, sleepily.

"Where's Keith? He's here, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he's still sleeping. He's not much of a morning person."

She smiled, "He never was. It took at least three alarms clocks to get him out of bed in the morning."

"Three alarms clocks? Yeah, that sounds like Keith."

"Either that or Danny would use all the hot water and Keith had to take a cold shower."

I poured myself a mixture of orange, apple and cranberry juice. Everyone seemed to think this was gross. I think they were just too scared to try it. May was staring at me stir my concoction. "What? It's good." She didn't look convinced.

May scooped some eggs in a plate for herself and sat next to me. "Did you sleep well?"

I nodded with my mouth full of eggs. I was planning on going to practice that afternoon and there was no way my shorts were going to stay on me. I had lost quite a bit of weight by not eating in so long, a fact that scared Keith more than he would admit to me.

"How about you? Where did you spend the night?" I asked, wiping away the lesser known juice mustache.

"With Deb and Nathan."

I didn't respond. Anything I said would be negative and Mom's "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" kept ringing in my ears. That and the fact that I saw her slap Keith's hand yesterday and I didn't want that to be me.

"So..." I said, trying to think of something to change the subject. My brain was thinking too hard about ways to throw Dan and Nathan into a canyon with hot flames at the bottom to think of a new subject. Keith spared me the hassle of thinking of something to say by walking into the room, rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning Keith," May said cheerfully.

He responded with a kiss to her cheek, but no words. Knowing Keith's vocabulary in the morning, it was probably a wise choice for him not to talk.

May scooped some scrambled eggs onto a plate and set it in front of her oldest son.

And so began the day of the dreaded dinner. Keith and May spoke to each other. Normal breakfast conversation. I pretended to listen. They looked at me occasionally and I nodded, hoping that was the correct answer. It seemed to be enough for both of them.

I accompanied Keith to the shop. He wanted to spend the day with his mom, but she made him go to work. She said that she had enough to entertain herself for the day. I suspected that her "entertainment" had something to do with fixing up what had now become our bachelor pad. One glance at Keith told me that he had the same fear, but he didn't voice his fear to May.

"Your school called," Keith said in the car.

I looked up. This was never a good thing. A call from the school always meant a lecture from Mom...or Keith, for that matter. I searched my brain for something I could have done to make the school call and swing the story in my favor. I couldn't think of anything. I resisted the urge to shout, "I didn't do it." It always proved guilt.

"You can exhale, Luke, you're not in trouble. They said you have to go back to school on Monday, but they want you to feel comfortable and you can ease into your classes at your own pace."

On one hand, I was mad at them for making me go back to school, but on the other hand, I didn't want them tiptoeing around me.

"Why do I have to go back already?"

"Something about your absences. It seems that you have 5 unexcused absences. If you miss too much school, you'll have to redo the year."

He looked at me suspiciously. "5 unexcused absences, Luke?"

"I didn't do it."

"Yes you did."

"Okay, I did, but it's done now."

"Could you please not skip anymore class from now on?"

"What incentive do I have to do that?" Not skip class? What was the insanity he was speaking of?

"A diploma? Graduating before you're 21?"

Those would have seemed like good incentives a month ago, but graduating seemed like so far in the future now. I stopped talking. Keith looked disappointed. We just had a conversation that lasted almost a minute and a half. It might have been a new record.

Apparently he wanted to keep the conversation going, "They want you to go see the guidance counselor."

"Mrs. Russell? You know she's like 800 years old."

Keith laughed, "She's still there? She was 800 when I went there."

"Can you talk them out of it?"

"Maybe, but I'm not going to."

"Please?"

"No, I don't think it's a bad idea for you to talk to someone."

"I talk to you."

"No you don't. I can count on one hand the conversations we've had in the last two weeks."

In the last two weeks. We both did everything to avoid saying "since your mom died." The words "died" and "passed away" were avoid at all costs.

"Well it's not like you've really wanted to talk anyway," I said rudely.

"Don't get defensive on me, Luke. I just think having someone on your side at school would be a good thing..." he looked at me, "besides Haley."

I looked out the window, suddenly very irritated. Keith took the hint and changed the subject.

"How are things with your women?"

"Fine." I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of a complete answer.

"See? When I try to talk to engage in conversation, you won't talk."

"Fine. You want to know how things are with my women? Let's see, Brooke is pissed at me, but she doesn't know that I cheated on her. And Peyton. Well, Peyton thinks I raped her." I said in one breath.

"What?!" Keith yelled as he slammed on the brake, screeching the truck to an immediate stop.

"What are you doing?! We're in the middle of the street."

"No one is coming," he put the car in park. "You raped Peyton?!"

"No! We were drunk and now she-"

"Jesus, Lucas!" He interrupted me, yelling still. "You can't sleep with drunk girls, they can call it rape. Don't they teach you anything in sex ed?!"

"Would you chill out? You wanted to know. Don't go all ape shit on my ass."

"I don't even know what that means. You want me to chill? You could go to jail for that?!"

"I didn't hurt her!"

"It doesn't matter! Drunk girls cannot consent to sex. If she wants to report it, your ass is dead."

"How do you know that?" Now this was making me nervous. Not only because Keith's intentionally loud voice was magnified in the enclosed truck, but also because this sounded like something they told us in sex ed.

"A friend of mine in high school got raped like that. She said no, but she didn't fight him off, because she was too drunk and he slept with her. She was traumatized, but she wouldn't report it because she thought it was her fault."

My head was spinning.

Keith continued, "What if it was Haley? What if she didn't want to sleep with Nathan, but she did because she was drunk. Would you want her to report it?"

If Nathan got Haley drunk and slept with her, I would kill him. I've seen enough episodes of CSI to get away with it. Or at the very least I would find some way to sabotage his basketball career. That might be worse.

Shit. This was bad. Very bad.

"I'm never telling you anything again." I said quietly.

"Fine," Keith turned the truck around, so we were headed back home.

"Where are we going?"

"You're going to talk to Mrs. Russell."

"No I'm not. I don't have to go to school until Monday."

Keith was driving dangerously fast, and he hadn't lowered his voice.

"You haven't eaten anything in almost two weeks. Don't think I haven't noticed that none of your clothes fit you anymore."

"I ate breakfast." The breakfast I ate was rumbling in my stomach, threatening to come back up. I willed it to stay down. Throwing up would just prove Keith's point.

"That hardly makes up for two weeks worth of starvation."

I didn't answer. He took that to mean that he should continue, "You never leave the house, you won't talk to me, I can hear you crying every night. I know you wake up with nightmares all the time."

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to hear this. "My mom died, Keith. What do you want from me?"

He sighed and finally stopped yelling, "I want you to talk to someone...God, Luke. I don't know what to do. I'm not a parent. I can't be your mom. Hell, I'm not even a good uncle."

"And you think that Mrs. Russell will somehow make up for your inability to stop my nightmares?" I said sarcastically.

"Don't start being a smartass, Lucas. You're going to talk to the counselor."

"No I'm not. You can't make me talk."

"Fine. Go and sit."

"No."

"Lucas!"

"No." I repeated, "I'm not going."

Keith didn't argue with me until he pulled into a visitor's parking space in front of my school. He put the truck in park and slid out of his seat. I didn't move.

He opened my door.

"Lucas, humor me. Get out of the car," He said quietly. The pleading look in his eyes was enough to get me out the truck, but it wouldn't make me talk.

We walked side by side to the counselor's office, but before we went in, I stopped him, "Don't you have like appointments, or work to do?"

"Nice try, I'm going in with you."

"I can go by myself."

"You can but you won't. You have to earn my trust back before I let you do that."

"When did I lose your trust?"

"When you raped someone and promised never to talk to me again."

"I didn't rape her!"

"I'm not having this conversation with you again. If she wanted to sleep with you, why is she so mad at you?"

Instead of responding, I took off towards the bathroom. I didn't make it all the way to a stall and threw up in the trash can, where boys would throw their paper towels away if we ever washed our hands. We don't.

I didn't hear Keith come in, but when I looked up, he was holding a paper towel out to me. I didn't take it. Instead, I walked over to sink and rinsed my mouth out. I spit a few times, trying to get the acidic taste out of my mouth. It didn't work.

"Do you have gum?" I asked, quietly, refusing to give him the full volume of my voice.

He shook his head. "Why did you throw up? Because of what I said, or because you actually ate something?"

I shook my head, showing him that I wasn't going to answer the question, and left the bathroom, letting the heavy wooden door slam behind me.

I went back to the counseling office only because I had nowhere else to go and Haley had class with Brooke this period. I sank into one of the blue chairs from the 80s and waited for Keith to catch up with me.

The cold metal arm rest provided little comfort as I buried my face in my hands. I hated fighting with Keith. I hated the sound of his loud bear voice, hated the sad look in his eyes, hated how my voice always cracked and refused to remain steady as I tried to defend myself. But most of all, I hated it when he was right.

Coincidentally, Keith walked in the door from the hallway at the same time that 800 year old Mrs. Russell walked through the door from her office to the counseling office. It was obvious right away that they knew each other.

"Keith Scott?! It's great to see you! What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Mrs. Russell. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"You're voluntarily coming into my office? I don't remember a time that I didn't have to send someone after you to drag you in here."

"I know, funny how times change, huh?"

Keith looked at me, sitting in the uncomfortable chair, trying not to look like I cared what he was going to say. "Stay there, Luke. I'll be right back."

"I can't wait," I said sarcastically.

He pointed his finger at me, threateningly, as if to say, "Watch it, mister," and he disappeared behind 800 year old Mrs. Russell into her office.

Past yearbooks and The Raven, our school newspaper, (clever name, huh?) did nothing to amuse me while Keith talked to Mrs. Russell. What was he telling her? If he told her about Peyton, would that be enough to incriminate me? This was getting complicated. I had to talk to Peyton. Immediately.

I stood up to go find where her class was, but Keith opened the door to Mrs. Russell's office.

"We're ready for you," he noticed that I was standing and said, "You weren't going anywhere, were you?"

I shook my head, but didn't move.

"Well, come on then," he motioned into the office.

I didn't move.

"If you don't come into this office right now, you're not starting on your car until next week."

"But you said-"

"I can take it back, Luke. Try me." His threatening look was back. I was beginning to think Mom somehow gave him the look before she left for Italy.

I followed him into the office.

"Lucas," Mrs. Russell motioned for me to take a seat, "I'm glad you decided to join us. I know you didn't want to come, but I'm glad you did."

I didn't answer.

"I'm very sorry about your loss. I knew your mother when she was a student here, and I liked her very much. She was-"I stopped listening. I stared at the poster with kittens and some inspiration saying about teamwork, or working together, or maybe that was the same thing, I didn't really care.

She could tell I wasn't listening. "Anyway, Lucas, I know how hard it is to lose a parent and I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"When did you lose your parents?" I asked her.

Keith looked at me, clearly thinking that I shouldn't be asking her this, but she nodded and said, "My parents are still alive." How could that be? They had to be dinosaurs.

"Then how do you know what it's like to lose a parent? They couldn't possibly teach you what it feels like in grad school."

"Luke!" Keith said warningly.

"That's a fair point. Fine. I don't know what it feels like, but I am here for you, nonetheless. I understand that you are now living with Keith."

I nodded.

"How is that working out for the two of you?"

"I'm here, aren't I? In a fucking shrink's office."

"That's enough, Luke!" Keith snapped. "You are NOT going to talk like that."

"Sorry." I muttered.

"Maybe it would be best if I talked to Lucas alone," Mrs. Russell said quietly. "Is that okay, Keith?"

He stood up. "Fine. Can someone give him a ride to my shop when you're done?"

"I don't want to go to your shop," I said.

"I can arrange for that," Mrs. Russell ignored me.

"Thanks. Behave yourself, would you, Luke?"

I waved without looking at him instead of answering and he left.

Once the door clicked shut behind him, Mrs. Russell said, "Do you want to tell me what happened today between you and Keith?"

I shook my head, "He won't get off my back."

"I believe he's concerned about you. Do you think that could be it?"

I shrugged, "I don't care. He just needs to get off my back."

"Can we play a game?"

"A game?" I repeated doubtfully.

"Yeah, you might have seen it on The Sixth Sense. We stand across the room and when I say a statement that's true, you take a step closer to me. When it's not true, you take a step backwards."

"And what do I get."

"You play the game, and I'll tell Keith that we had a good session. That might 'get him off your back,' as you put it."

I nodded. We both stood up and walked to opposite sides of the office. There were several desks in there, but hers was the only one with an occupant, giving us enough room to spread apart.

"Ready?" I nodded. "Okay, you and your mom had a great relationship. Sure you had disagreements, but you knew she loved you and you loved her back."

I took a tiny step forward. That was an easy one. Everyone in Tree Hill knew that much.

"You're mad at her for leaving her, but you also feel guilty because you wanted her to go on her trip. You keep beating yourself up about it and you don't know how to describe what you're feeling. It just hurts you inside."

I choked. My stomach rose to the region of my Adam's apple. I blinked, trying to hide the tears that I knew were starting to well in my eyes. I took another step forward.

"It's okay to cry, Lucas. There's no judging in here."

I looked down. I didn't care how "okay" it was, I wasn't going to cry at school.

"You hate your father. He left you and he can rot in hell for all you care."

I looked up. Was she allowed to say that? She smiled when I made eye contact.

"This doesn't leave the room, but I was never much of a fan of your father either."

I smiled and a tear made it way out of the outside corner of my eye. I looked down quickly and took a step forward.

"You want to go back to school because you want everything to be normal again."

I took a large step back. "I don't want to come back."

"And what do you want to do instead?"

"I thought we were playing a game. I don't have to answer that, do I?"

She shook her head and smiled, "No, you don't. Think about it, though."

"You think you miss your mom more than Keith does."

I stepped forward again.

"You can stop drinking whenever you want."

I looked up again. "What did Keith tell you?"

"Nothing that you don't already know. Is that a step forward or back?"

My eyes shot a defiant look in her direction and I stepped forward.

"You've drunken alcohol without getting drunk at some point."

"None of this leaves the room?"

"That's right."

Of course I've had alcohol without getting drunk. I didn't _have_ to get drunk. But I couldn't think of anytime when I was drinking and stopped before I was trashed. I searched my brain, there had to be some time when I did that.

"Answer honestly, Lucas, you're not going to get in trouble."

"I don't want to play anymore."

"One more. Have you ever passed out or thrown up from drinking too much."

"I'm leaving. I don't want to play anymore."

"Sit down for a minute, Lucas."

I didn't move. I didn't trust her anymore, this was just a trick to make me think I was an alcoholic. It wasn't going to work on me.

"If you don't sit now, Keith will just drag you back here later. He is bigger than you."

"I could take him."

She laughed.

"Can I tell you a story about Keith? I bet you're curious about how we know each other."

"Okay."

"Sit down, then."

The blue chairs in her office were hardly more comfortable than the chairs outside, but outside there wasn't someone who thought I was an alcoholic and there were no fluffy kittens staring at me with judging eyes.

"Keith came to school drunk one day. Word to the wise, Lucas, don't do that. It was his sophomore year and in addition to being suspended, he had to come to me for counseling as part of his punishment."

It was not easy to imagine Keith being 16. Ever.

"He really hated it. He would skip school to get of it, and make lame excuses as to why he shouldn't have to come see me. He was a real pain in the ass, to tell you the truth."

"But you changed him and now he's a good person, right?" I said sarcastically. It was "watch it, mister" worthy. But she didn't say it.

"Not exactly. I finally added community service to his punishment, and he finally started coming to my office." She stopped and took a sip of coffee from a cat mug. She seemed like one of those crazy cat lady types. I bet she has a million cats like Haley.

"He pretty much hated me for making him do community service. He refused to talk to me for his entire sophomore and junior year. But I knew he loved cars and I got him an internship with my brother who used to own the shop he owns now. In return, he had to come talk to me once a month. I got to know him really well that year. He's a good man, your uncle. He came from a rough home, and he'll never that happen to you, Lucas."

I didn't say anything. She took another extended sip of coffee and continued, "Keith is an alcoholic."

"He's done with that." I said, even though I knew it wasn't true.

"Alcoholism never goes away. He just doesn't drink anymore. He was very worried that he somehow gave it to you."

"He didn't. I'm not an alcoholic. Besides, he's not really my father."

"His dad was an alcoholic, too. Who's to say Dan's not?"

She had a point.

"So you want me to promise that I will never drink again." All this talk about drinking was really making me want a beer.

"I just want you to think about it."

"Keith put you up to this."

She nodded, "He was concerned, yes."

She sighed deeply.

"Do you want to talk about your mom?"

I shook my head.

"When you do want to talk, I'll be right here."

I nodded. That was the right answer, wasn't it?

"I'd like to see you again Monday morning."

"Fine." I was too tired to fight her on this. Keith would just make me come anyway.

"You don't have to go to the whole day of classes. Take it at your own pace."

I fully intended on going to Pottery and that's it, but I didn't tell her that.

"You are good friends with Haley James, right?"

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

"Haley's our best tutor. I arrange the tutoring. She talks about you a lot. I can tell you're a good friend to her."

"Thanks." I said it more of a question that a statement.

"I'll get her to drive you back to the shop. I'm sure she won't mind missing a little bit of class for her best friend." She ginned at me, accentuating her generous wrinkles.

I stood up.

"Before you go," she said, motioning for me to sit back down. "We need to make some goals for the week."

"Goals?"

"Yeah, one thing that you want to accomplish before Monday."

I want to make it through a day without crying. I want to be able to keep in a meal in my stomach for more than a few hours. I want a beer. I want many beers. I want to piss Keith off. I want to play basketball. I want to buy a giant blimp and put Nathan and Dan in it and have it mysteriously explode like the Hindenburg. I want to con Haley into cleaning my room. I want my mom back.

"I can't think of anything."

"How about something with Keith? Can you try not to fight with him until Monday. Or maybe you could do one thing to make him happy."

"Sure."

"Which one?"

"The not fighting one." Making him happy would involve cleaning my room. I was still thinking I could con Haley into doing it for me.

"Excellent." She wrote on a scrap of paper. "I will try not to fight with Keith until Monday." She had me sign it and told me to put it in my pocket.

"Anytime you feel yourself getting mad at him, just feel the note in your pocket and leave the room. Or count to ten."

Take a deep breath and count to ten. That's what Mom always did when she got mad at me. Or when she knew I was about to start yelling at her, she would tell me to do the same. I felt my eyes start to water again. Damn it. Why couldn't I control my own eyes?

She saw my discomfort and made herself busy on her computer. I turned and wiped my eyes.

"Haley is in English right now. Do you want me to get her or do you want to?"

"I'll get her."

Mrs. Russell scribbled a note to excuse Haley and held it out to me.

"I will see you on Monday, Lucas."

I walked as quickly as possible without running out of the counseling office. What kind of school was this? My mom died, and then they punish me with counseling. Someone in the administration is out to get me.

On my way to the English classrooms, I ran into Mr. Jenkins. He had been promoted from 7th grade health teacher to high school vice principal. I searched for an escape, but there was none. I was just going to turn and run, but he spoke first.

"Mr. Scott," he said, trying to be threatening.

"Jenkins." I replied, not trying to be respectful. I didn't respect this man at all. My feelings toward him were closest to loathing than any other emotion. I hadn't gotten over him saying that my mom had no potential in life and getting me suspended.

"That's Mr. Jenkins."

"_Mister_ Jenkins," I repeated, more mocking him than anything else.

"I heard about your mother. I'm sorry."

I scoffed, "I'm sure you are. Can I go now?"

"She was a very wonderful woman and I-"

"Don't try to bullshit me, Mr. Jenkins," I said.

"Excuse me?"

"I know you didn't like my mom, so don't insult her memory by trying to make up for it now. It was your loss."

I started to walk away, but he ran after me. "Do you have a hall pass, Lucas?"

"No, I don't. Where should I pick up my detention slip?"

"In my office. Now."

"I was joking. I'm not going to detention. So if you'll excuse me, I'll just be going now. Thank you for your condolences."

"I wasn't joking. I'm not going to tolerate your disrespect."

"My disrespect? It was you who told me that my mom didn't accomplish anything. Well let me tell you, there were more people at her funeral than will ever be at yours, so you have no room to talk." I turned around and walked away.

"I'm calling your parents," he said.

"Fine, you do that," I told him, without turning back around.

"So, let me get this straight," Haley said on the way to her mom's car that she drove to school. "You came up here just for the fun of it and got a letter from Mrs. Russell to let me drive you home? I don't buy it, Luke. Try again."

"I was going to the shop with Keith, but he freaked out on me and made me come talk to Mrs. Russell."

"For no reason?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay." She gave up too easily. Haley was an "ask until they break down and tell you the truth" kind of person. Come to think of it, she was looking really distracted.

"Is something wrong, Hales?"

"No, I just- um, can I make a phone call really quickly?"

"Sure."

"And can you, like, not listen?"

"I'll do my best to temporarily recess my hearing."

Her mysterious phone call was to Nathan. She left a message. I would have been better off I could have temporarily stopped my hearing. It went like this: "Hi Nate, it's me. (In that sweet, flirtatious way. Gross.) I'm taking Luke home during lunch, so I can't go out to lunch with you. I'll go tomorrow. I promise. Lots of kisses. Bye."

Haley threw her phone back in her bag. Her cheeks were red.

"Lots of kisses?!" I repeated.

"Shut up, Luke. I told you not to listen."

"It's not really something I can control."

"Leave me alone," I didn't know she could turn that red.

"What were you going to do with Nathan?"

"Nothing."

"Liar! What were you gonna do?"

"He's been taking me home during lunch to feed my kitten."

"Feed your kitten? That doesn't sound like something Nathan would agree to."

"Well he did. You don't know him, Lucas, so you have no right to judge. He's a lot more compassionate with my pets than you are." Oh how quickly she got defense. I hate that guy.

"Ouch!"

"It's true," she said like she wanted to apologize, but she had to stand her ground.

"I'm compassionate with your pets!"

"Okay. If you say so."

"I'll feed your kitten."

"I have to take you home."

"It doesn't matter. We can take a detour."

"You're gonna feed my kitty? She does drink from a bottle."

"I know." It took all my effort not to cringe.

Feeding the kitten was painful. Physically as well as mentally. Haley put the formula in the tiny bottle that was about the size of my thumb. She heated it up as the little kitten danced around the shoebox Haley put her in. She tried to run, but her front legs were slower than her back legs and she tripped over herself, somersaulting headfirst into the side of the cardboard box. I laughed until Haley shot me a dirty look. I didn't see why laughing at a baby cat was not compassionate. Haley took pity on the little cat and handed her to me. I was still laughing.

She gave me the bottle and said, "Okay, Mr. Compassionate, feed her."

"What do I do?"

Haley put her hand over mine and put the bottle in the kitten's mouth. She put the kitten in my other hand, upside down, where she didn't even fill the palm of my hand. The kitten was obviously hungry. She clawed at the bottle and caught my fingers at the part where the nail meets the skin. "OW!"

Haley laughed. "Hold your hand higher up on the bottle."

"The kitten still reached my finger and clawed underneath my nail."

"This cat hates me!" I declared, after properly massaging my fingers and handing the demon cat back to Haley.

"No she doesn't. You did well, though. Nathan wouldn't give her the whole bottle when she tore his skin under his nail."

"See I am compassionate."

"Sure Luke."

"So your mom hasn't found it yet."

"Nope. SHE is still a secret."

"I give it another week."

"You have so little faith."

"I have faith. I have faith in your mom's ability to hear the cat meowing."

The cat was asleep my hand. Curled up in a ball, it almost took up the entire surface area of my palm. Haley looked at it like it was her child. Oh wait, it _was_ her child.

"How did your talk with Mrs. Russell go?"

"Fine," I looked away.

"Okay, change of subject, are you playing in tomorrow's basketball-"

"What do you see in him anyway?" I interrupted before she could finish her question. This question was haunting me since I heard her on the phone with his answering machine.

"With whom? Nathan?"

"Yeah Nathan. He's such an asshole. What do you see in him?"

She took the sleeping kitten from my hand and slipped it back into the shoebox before answering.

"You wouldn't understand."

"I do understand. I understand all the rotten things he's done to me. I understand all the rotten things he's done to _you_. He's exactly like his father, Hales and you know what that bastard's like."

"You don't understand all the great things he's done for me."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to talk about this with you. You've already decided that he's a jerk and you can't change your mind until you decide to."

"When did you turn into Ann Landers?"

She stood up, signaling the end of the conversation and making it very clear that she was pissed at me. "I need to go back to class. I'll take you home."

"Hales," I sighed. Great, I made someone else mad. It was a new record. Let's see if I can get into the double digits for people I can piss off in one day.

"Hales I'm sorry. Date whoever you want."

"I don't need your permission to date Nathan."

"I know." I sighed. "I just think you can do better."

Haley's phone rang, stopping her response, which knowing Haley would have included either her pounding on me or giving me some kind of finger gesture.

"That's probably Nathan now," she said, answering without looking at the caller ID.

Her startled face showed me immediately that it wasn't Nathan. The angry voice that I could hear from the other end told me exactly who it was.

"Keith!"

"Haley, I need to talk to Lucas."

I shook my hands wildly. She gave me a "I can't lie to him" look. I gave her my puppy face. She shot me a dirty look and said, "He's not here."

"How much is he paying you? I know he's there."

She handed me the phone.

"I don't want to talk to him," I hissed.

"Luke, please pick up the phone," Keith said desperately from the other side of the conversation.

"Hi," I said, as dully as I could muster.

"Listen kid," Keith said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Did Mrs. Russell make you say that?"

"Yes," he laughed, "And now she's back to ordering me around again."

"What else did she tell you?"

"Nothing. I asked, but she said whatever you talked about was confidential."

"Good."

"So what did you talk about?"

"It's confidential."

"You suck."

"As do you."

"At least we have that settled."

"No we don't. I said that you suck. I never said that I did."

"You should talk to Peyton."

"There's no way I'm talking to you about this."

"I don't want to talk, just talk to Peyton. That's it. I'm done."

"Good."

"Are you coming to the shop?"

"No."

"Then I'll see you at home later. Don't forget we have my mom's birthday dinner tonight."

My stomach turned over. I felt like I was going to throw up again.

"I don't want to go."

"You already agreed. It's too late to back out."

"Shit."

"Don't say shit."

"You just did."

"Whatever, Lucas. I'll see you later. Stay out of trouble."

That was weird. He didn't get mad at me for not going to the shop. He didn't lecture me anymore and he actually apologized? Mrs. Russell was behind this. She had to be.


	23. On the way to dinner

I shot up so quickly white spots flashed in my eyes. I looked around. I was in my bed. I looked at the clock. 5:37. AM or PM? I couldn't decide. The dot was lit up next to the time. What did that mean? It was dark outside, but with daylight savings it was dark by 4:30 anyway. My hopes were set on AM, that way I would have missed dinner.

How long had it been since Haley dropped me off? I don't remember her leaving. She came inside with me and we were talking on my bed. I must have fallen asleep.

I stood up slowly, carefully avoiding any white spots. I heard quiet voices coming from the kitchen. I leaned as close as I could get to the hallway without being seen.

It was Keith and May. I decided to risk it and take a quick glimpse. Neither of them could see me. I kept watching. Eavesdropping? Maybe. Essential? Definitely.

"How was your day, Mom?" Keith asked in his best attempt to sound interested.

"It was terrific. Very liberating," there was a definite bounciness in her tone, "And yours, Keith?"

"Definitely not liberating."

"You sound like you need some tea. I'll make you a cup."

"But we're having dinner in an hour."

"Nonsense, Keith. I know when my baby needs some loving from mama."

"I haven't called you mama since I was like 5."

"Maybe that's the problem," she said while smiling and ruffling his hair.

"No, I think my problem is 16 and goes by the name Lucas."

"Where _is_ my grandson?"

"In his room sleeping."

"Should I be worried?"

"Relieved is more like it. He hasn't slept in a while. He started having these weird, like, flashbacks and they've been keeping him up."

"Poor baby. He's really got it rough now. At least he's sleeping, though."

"I guess. He's still not eating."

"He ate breakfast."

"He threw it up later."

"Oh no. What happened? You didn't work him too hard, did you?"

"We didn't get that far."

"What did you do to him?"

"Why do you always automatically assume I did something wrong?" Keith snapped.

"Honey, it was a joke. Calm down."

"I am calm." He snapped again in the most un-calm voice I had ever heard.

"No, Keith, this is not calm."

"Maybe I don't need to calm down!"

May sat down next to her son. "What happened, honey?"

"He won't talk to me, and when he does talk to me I always end up lecturing him or something. It always turns into a fight."

"You seemed to be doing pretty well to me. He seemed happy considering…"

"He doesn't eat. He stopped sleeping since he started having dreams about her. I hear him crying every night and I sit in my room powerless to help the poor kid."

May put her hand on her son's. "You're doing everything you can. He'll appreciate that when he's ready."

"I dragged him to the counselor's office today. He uh, well," I held my breath, thinking for a second that he was going to tell her about Peyton. "He just needed to talk to someone other than me."

"How did that go?"

He shrugged, "He really didn't want to go. Mrs. Russell says it's confidential and I can't even get Luke to tell me what he had for breakfast anymore, so I'm not getting anything out of him." He sighed heavily. I felt really guilty now. I leaned my back against the doorpost and allowed myself to slide to the ground, hugging my knees to my chest.

"Maybe I do want that cup of tea."

May patted his hand reassuringly and got up to make tea.

"How can I make him stop hurting if I can't even make myself stop hurting?" Keith asked quietly.

May abandoned the tea and hugged her son.

"I miss her so much, Mom." Keith said, starting to shake in the pre-sobbing stage. I found it a little disturbing how well I knew the stages of crying.

A few silent tears slid down my face. I couldn't watch anymore. My stomach rose up to my throat and settled there. I swallowed, trying to send my stomach back to its place, but it wasn't working. I crawled back into my bed and tried to think about anything that wasn't related to Mom or Keith. That didn't work either. I closed my eyes, but I couldn't sleep. I didn't know that Keith was aware that I didn't sleep. What was _he_ doing if could hear me crying in the next room?

My thoughts were interrupted by the front door opening and closing. Footsteps were coming my way. I closed my eyes quickly, pretending to be asleep. Pressure was applied to the foot of my bed. Keith was sitting on it. I could feel him watching me. I was suddenly very aware of my breathing. Slow and deep…slow and deep.

He finally placed one of his big, rough hands on my back and shook me slightly. I "woke up" groggily. It was a quality performance. One of my better fake waking up acts. Although if I was actually sleeping, I would have bitten Keith's head off for waking me up. He would lose a limb at the very least. I hoped that he appreciated all of his appendages and didn't question the fact that I was asleep.

"Did you have a good nap?"

I nodded.

We stared in opposite directions for awhile, neither one of us wanting to bring up the day's events.

"Lucas-" Keith said at the same that I said, "Listen, I-"

"You first," I told him. I was in no hurry to talk.

"Luke, I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I was just angry. What you did…all that stuff with Peyton brought up something from my past that I would rather not remember. I'm sorry I let it out on you."

"What happened in your past?"

He shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it."

I looked away.

"What were you going to say?"

"Nevermind."

"How was your talk with Mrs. Russell?"

I shrugged.

"She has a special talent for making you confide everything in her. If she hasn't done that to you yet, she will."

"Must be the kittens," I mumbled, referring to the kitten poster on her wall.

"What?" He didn't get the reference.

"Nothing," I shook my head.

He watched me, obviously waiting for me to say something. I didn't.

He eyed my scruffiness. I hadn't shaved since the funeral.

"How about you shave before dinner?"

"Fine."

"Thank you."

Another awkward silence. He patted my leg, "If you want to talk, I'm here, kid."

I nodded silently.

An hour later I was dragged kicking and screaming to the truck to have dinner with Satan and his family. Ok, so I didn't really kick and scream physically, but in my head there sure was screaming. Keith washed my clothes that I wore. I was planning on using lack of clothes as an excuse to get out of dinner, but he beat me to it. I had no idea that Keith even knew how to do laundry. He always brought his clothes over to our house when he came for dinner because he didn't have a washing machine. How long would it take Keith to figure out that I don't know to do laundry?

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. I was wearing khakis with no back pockets. What's the point of pants with no pockets? Where do you put your wallet? Plus they didn't fit me anymore. I had to wear Keith's belt to keep them from falling right off me. I had lost 15 pounds since Mom died. Keith pretended not to notice. He wasn't fooling me.

"You came easily," Keith commented lightly in the truck, "I had a whole speech prepared. I even got some muscle men from the circus on standby to carry you into the car. You should have seen their disappointed faces when I told them you were going to come willingly."

"I came. I didn't say anything about it being willingly."

Keith smiled, "Thanks, Luke." I nodded instead of answering. "If it makes you feel any better I'm not too excited about seeing _my_ brother either."

"Nathan's not my brother."

"Are you going to throw something at me if I remind you that you have the same father?"

"If I had something to throw then I would."

"Nothing to throw? In that case, I don't want you fighting with Nathan tonight. Can you make it one night without bloodshed?"

"Can _you_? The last time I saw you and Dan together, you had him up against the wall with your fist in his face."

"I didn't actually punch him."

I raised my eyebrows as if to say, "Yeah right."

"Okay fine. I'll try my very hardest not to fight with Dan if you don't fight with Nathan."

"I don't care if you fight with Dan. I bet MamaScott would take care of the two of you really quickly if you started fighting."

"Yeah that's true, but she'd take care of you and Nathan, too."

I didn't believe him. I couldn't imagine her standing up to anyone, not even me.

"What happened between you and Dan? I mean, you used to get along, right?

Keith nodded, "We had a common enemy: Dad."

"So you stopped getting along because of me?"

Keith looked at me, obviously at a loss for words. "I kinda hoped when you started talking, it would be something easier to talk about."

"Sorry. You don't have to answer."

"No it's okay. Um, we used to be friends." Keith laughed sarcastically, "We were actually really good friends until high school. That's when he turned into an ass. He was always sort of an ass in public, but at home we were really close. He was a spitting image of my father. But when Dan joined the basketball team, I quit. Dad made me quit, actually, so precious Danny could have the whole team."

"I thought it had something to do with Mom."

"Well, I had to do community service for…umm…well that's another story. Anyway, your mom was the president of some community service club at school, so we met building a house over there. Your mom and I became pretty close friends and then Danny decided that he wanted her." He pointed to a distant neighborhood.

I resisted the temptation to tell him that his rambling was hardly coherent.

"But then Dan claimed her and by the time he was finished with her, she was pregnant and he was gone."

I pretended not to notice that his knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. He pretended not to notice the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill down my face. Why could I not contain my own tears? It was pissing me off. There was no way I was going to cry in front of Nathan.

He composed himself and said in a completely different tone, "But, listen, that's all in the past. Let's leave it there."

"There's more to the story," I said.

"Why?" he said too quickly, "Why do you think that?" He asked, a little too scared. I was right, there was more to the story.

"You told Dan that you would tell everyone the rest of the story…" I said, hoping to jog his memory.

"I was just trying to scare him. There's no more."

"Yes there is! I know there is. I've saw a video of them on prom night their senior year. They looked happy…she never would have let him leave if they were still that happy…Mom could be very convincing."

He looked away, "Leave it alone, Luke. There's no reason to stir up what's already settled."

"It's not settled! I want to know what happened. What did Dan do to make you so mad, and why doesn't he want the story getting out?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Lucas," he said angrily. I hadn't expected him to get this angry when I asked the question.

"Sorry."

"I just…" He paused, "I just don't want to hate my brother anymore."

I don't have a problem hating mine.

"There aren't any restaurants this way," I told Keith when he pulled into a neighborhood that looked familiar.

"We're not going to a restaurant."

I placed the neighborhood. Brooke lived here. Although to visit her I always took the back entrance. We were going the other way. The way towards…

"No way! I am _not_ going into their house."

"Lucas…"

"When were you planning on telling me?"

"When we pulled into the driveway, but you're too quick for me."

This was no time for sarcasm.

"Did you really think I would enter their house?"

"No, that's why I didn't tell you."

"It's bad enough that I have to eat with them, there's no way I'm going into their territory."

I crossed my arms and glared out the window. Keith pulled into the driveway next to Nathan's newest acquisition…a firebird.

Keith turned off the car, but made no effort to get out.

"Luke." He began, but then stopped right away. He was trying to figure out the right thing to say. I wanted to stop him. There was no right thing to say. There was nothing he could say that would make me enter Satan's house to have dinner.

"Would you please go in and have dinner. Civil conversation for an hour. Tops."

I didn't move.

"Please Lucas, behave yourself for one night. It would mean a lot to me."

Still not good enough.

"Okay, fine. I'm going in alone then. Wish me luck." He unbuckled his seat belt.

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"Do what?"

"Put up with him. Why don't you just avoid Dan?"

He shrugged. "He's my brother. He'll be my brother no matter how much I hate him. Besides, it's not for him. It's my mom's birthday."

I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid out of the car into the bitter November air, silently cursing the fact that Keith loves his mom.


	24. Exposed secrets

While we stood outside waiting for someone to answer the door, Keith whispered to me, "Don't drink anything but water. Dan has a nasty habit of trying to get me drunk."

"Keith! Lucas! I'm so glad you came," Deb exclaimed when she answered the door.

"How are you, Lucas?" She asked me after taking my coat. She was too concerned. She even added a head tilt when she said it. I hate the head tilt.

Terrible. I'm stuffed in pants with no back pockets and I really don't want to be in this house. "Fine. I'm fine."

"Good. How was your trip to school today?"

I turned to glare at Keith. He was shaking his wildly at her, trying to make her stop.

"Are you telling everyone about every detail of my life?" I snapped at Keith. I checked my watch. 37 seconds of being nice. Dammit. I promised myself I'd last an entire minute.

"No Luke, it's not like that." Deb tried to defend him. "I ran into Keith and I asked him how you were. That's all."

"Ran into him? Where?"

"Supermarket." Keith said quickly at the same time that Deb said, "The café."

"Right." I didn't have time to argue the case more, which was probably a good thing. May walked downstairs and Keith went quickly to her, avoiding my accusatory glances as he walked.

"Nathan!" Deb called to her son. She looked upstairs, but there was no answer. She looked like she was about to go after him, but the doorbell rang and she went to answer it instead.

"Good evening, Deb," said a voice I would have preferred never hearing again. I was tempted to side kick the door shut in his face. Deb did not do the obvious thing and refuse him entrance to her house, so in came Dan Scott, Professional Asshole. I wonder how that would look on a business card.

No one moved when he came in carrying a bottle of wine. Keith shot me an "I told you so" look. Deb didn't look like she wanted him there anymore than I did. Keith was refusing to make the first move. May finally stepped forward, "Hi son."

Dan gave his mother a kiss and won her over with his charm. What an asshole.

Deb announced that the food would be ready in 15 minutes. 15 minutes of forced conversation? I looked around desperately for a way to escape. Any excuse to leave…

"Nathan!" Deb called again.

"I'll get him!" I volunteered quickly.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea…" Keith said cautiously.

"Why not?" Dan challenged, "Afraid he'll get lost?"

Keith clenched his fist, but didn't respond to Dan. He looked at me, "Fine, go ahead."

"It's the first door on the right once you get up the stairs. There's caution tape on the door," Deb told me.

"I'll try not to get lost," I said bitterly.

There was only one door with caution tape on it. I managed not to get lost. The door was cracked open.

I knocked.

"I'll be down in a second, Mom." Nathan said.

I heard giggling from inside the room…familiar giggling. I flung the door open.

"Haley!"

"Lucas!"

Nathan jumped off of her and stood up. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"

"Your mom sent me. What the hell are _you_ doing in his room?" I asked Haley.

"I uh,"

"That's none of your business," Nathan snapped, advancing on me.

"Nathan, don't," Haley held his arm, keeping him from pouncing on me, "I need to go anyway. Besides, your mom is waiting."

"And your dad. You don't want to keep Daddy waiting do you?"

Haley gave me a sympathetic look, understanding that this dinner was going to be painful.

Nathan took the moment when Haley let go of his arm to push me against the wall.

"Stop!" Haley exclaimed loud enough for only us to hear.

"If you touch me, I'll yell for your mom. Something tells me you're not supposed to have Haley in your room."

He let me go.

Haley stood between the two of us to give me a hug. She turned 180 degrees to her boyfriend and gave him a kiss and she grabbed her coat and slipped silently out the window without a word. Nathan and I looked at each other and then quickly looked away. The less eye contact, the better.

I led the way out of his room and back downstairs.

The adults were silent. Awkward silence. Nathan and I both stopped short of entering the living room.

"If we make a run for it now, do you think they would notice?" I whispered. He laughed quietly. We made eye contact and then looked away quickly. We shared a moment. A brotherly moment. It would have been special if it wasn't preceded by 16 years of un-brotherly moments. Moments like Nathan's fist in my stomach, and my foot on his shin.

The pleasant chime of the expensive oven's timer saved us from having to join in the conversation in the room next door.

Keith followed Deb into the dining room where Nathan and I were still hiding. They both saw us and looked shocked.

"Hi-hi boys," Deb said, her voice sounding nervous.

Keith shot her a look that I couldn't place and said, "Hi, Nathan, how are you?"

The conversation stayed like that, something like uncomfortable small talk while we all sat down. Somehow I ended up between Keith and Dan, with Nathan on the other side of Dan.

We had lasagna. Mom's lasagna. Deb probably brought it from the café. How could she steal Mom's famous dish and then flaunt it in front of me? From the way she smiled at me, she seemed to think it was a treat for me. I didn't eat any.

Dan opened the wine and started pouring it. Keith leaned to me and whispered, "Do you remember how I told you I didn't think Dan has ever had a drink before?" I nodded. "I think I lied."

Keith didn't take any wine. "What's wrong, big brother, you don't think it's good enough?" Dan taunted him, loud enough for only me and Keith to hear. He poured some for his own son and then offered it to me. Keith poked me. "No thank you." I said.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Dan said, smiling his crooked smile and making his mother fall in love with him. "To my mom. Mom, you have been there for every step of my life. You've always been there for me and my family with your support and terrific apple pie. I love you so much. May you have many more birthdays to come."

Keith smiled along with the rest of them, but I could tell he wanted to punch Dan.

"So Lucas," Dan said, making all of us stop eating instantly and look up. Deb and Keith looked nervous, May didn't. She had apparently never heard Dan talk to me before.

"Do you find it ironic that the Raven's won the game even with Nathan in his old position?"

What day was it? Game? Shit! We had a game. Whitey was going to kill me. How could I forget about the game! I hid my shock at missing the game long enough to muster a bitter response.

"No," I replied, "That's not irony. Try taking Sophomore English again."

Keith put his hand on my leg under the table, "Don't…" he warned. Why wasn't anyone hissing at Dan?

"Where were you during the game?" He continued, despite the glares coming from Deb and Keith.

Sleeping, probably. Maybe watching TV. How could I have forgotten about the game? "I was plotting your demise."

Keith squeezed my leg. I moved it away sharply. I could feel his warning look digging into my skin.

"Oh yeah? What did you plot?"

"Several different things. My favorites involved dynamite and a stampede of pumas."

Nathan laughed. May smiled awkwardly, apparently under the impression that I was joking. I wasn't.

"My plots always had runaway trains," Keith added.

"Keith!" May exclaimed.

Keith's face flushed with injustice. "What? You get on to me, but not to Dan when he's torturing my kid!"

"He's his kid, too," May said quietly. She had no idea that these were fighting words she just uttered.

"I am NOT _his_ kid!" I motioned in the direction of Dan. Everyone stared at me.

"I'm not arguing that fact," Dan added.

"How could you say that?" Keith spat.

"Well you wanted him so bad, he's yours."

My eyes were burning. I could feel my face growing red. I stood up, nearly knocking my chair over in the process. I would have made a run for it if I wasn't sandwiched between two people who were bigger than me. I'm sure I was the one who looked most upset, followed closely by Keith, who was just as red as me. Dan looked casually angry. A description that could only work on him. May looked close to tears, something that escaped everyone at the table except Deb.

"Lucas, sit," Keith demanded.

"Why? I'm not part of this family."

"Then what are you doing here?" Dan spat.

"Goddammit, Dan, leave the kid alone!" Keith said, throwing down his napkin.

"Why _am_ I here? I'm celebrating the birthday of someone too wimpy to have anything to do with me. And the man who's DNA I carry, and who has nothing to do with me by choice."

May, who was sitting at the edge of the table, put her napkin down on the table and left the room in tears.

Keith stood up. "Dammit, Lucas, sit down! And Dan? Just shut the hell up!" He went into the kitchen after his mother.

"Great, look what you did," Dan said to me.

"What _I_ did? I had no intention of speaking to you. _You_ started it."

"For God's sake, Dan, go apologize to your mother," Deb said, exasperatedly.

Dan did not move. He gave Deb a challenging look. I knew that he loved May. The only reason he didn't go after her was because Deb told him to.

"Can I-" Nathan started to stand up.

"Don't even think about it," Deb answered, before he could even finish the question.

Nathan sat back down, defeated.

"Will you pass the wine please," I said to whomever was listening.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Lucas?" Deb said, sounding a lot like my mom. Although if it had been my mom, she would have said, "Not a chance, mister."

"Why?" I asked rudely, "You've been talking to Keith, haven't you?"

"Don't talk to my wife like that," Dan butted in, although he still gave me that wine.

"What do you want from me?" I demanded. "How can I get you off my back?"

"You know how," Dan sneered and stood up to go to the kitchen.

I filled my wine glass to the rim and drank it down in one gulp.

"Wine on an empty stomach really isn't a good idea, Lucas," Deb commented, trying to keep her voice unaccusatory. I didn't by it.

I poured another glass, even though my body was telling me not to. I held it up to drink from it again.

"Please eat something, honey. You need something in your stomach."

"When did you become my mother?" I asked before I downed that glass, too.

"At least wait for Keith to come then."

"Wait for me to come back to do what?" Keith asked, coming through the door.

I was pouring my third full glass of wine. Keith saw me. "Luke! What did I tell you about drinking?"

"I only had a little," I said, looking at Deb. She didn't argue.

I didn't like wine. It probably came from my dislike of grape juice, which came from my dislike of grape flavored Dimetapp that Mom would hold me down and force down my throat when I was younger and sick. Grapes are my favorite fruit, though. Go figure.

"He had more than a little." Nathan said.

We all looked at him. I was glaring, Keith and Deb were looking more concerned.

"What? It's true."

"Shut up, jackass," I said, finally sitting back down.

"How much did he have?" Keith asked, turning to Nathan. I took the opportunity to down the glass of wine.

"Well that's more than a little right there," Nathan gestured to me. Keith followed his pointing to me.

"Lucas!"

I pulled the glass away from my mouth. The glass turned into two glasses and then I focused again and saw only one. Keith grabbed the glass from me.

"Hey! That's mine!" I tried to say, but it ended up being more like "Heysmine!"

"Oh yay! I love Drunk Lucas!" Nathan exclaimed.

"That's enough, Nathan." Deb admonished.

"Can I go then?"

"Fine. Go."

Dan reappeared at the door just as Deb allowed her son to leave.

"You're not leaving, Nathan."

"But Mom just said-"

"Well I said no. You're not leaving."

"But Dad-"

"No. You're just going to call _that girl_," he referred to Haley like she was a dirty word.

"Her name is Haley," Nathan and I said together, both of us demonstrating the same dislike for Dan.

Dan ignored us. Knowing Haley's name was not worth his time.

Dan looked at me, "You should go apologize to your grandma."

"No way, I'm outta here." I tried to stand up, but I tripped over myself and fell into the chair next to me. Fast working alcohol in that wine.

"Are you drunk?" Dan asked.

"You gave him the wine, jackass," Keith said.

"I didn't think he would get drunk off of it."

"That was your intention; don't play dumb with me, Danny."

"I don't have to put up with this from you. This is my house."

"No it's not. It's Deb's house."

"That's none of your business," Dan shot back.

While they continued bickering, I stood up and steadied myself, which was a more difficult feat than I anticipated. I started to walk away, but I couldn't walk straight and ended up running into the chair again. They stopped arguing and looked at me.

"Lucas, go apologize."

"Apologize for what? I only said the truth. I can't take back the truth."

I must have still been slurring my words because Keith gave up.

"Just sit down while I say bye to my mom. I'm taking you home."

My stomach flip over. So _that's_ why you shouldn't drink on an empty stomach. "I need a bathroom."

"It's the second door on the right," Deb said, pointing down a hallway.

I stumbled down the hall. I was walking as straight as I could, and I didn't understand why I kept swerving. Two and half glasses of wine and I can't walk straight. I was turning into a lightweight.

I didn't reach the bathroom. There was an official looking door at the end of the hallway that didn't match the others. My curiosity for snooping around the Scott house overcame my need to use the bathroom. I turned the doorknob, expecting loud sounds or something. If I was in a movie, the suspenseful music would be building up to the moment when I opened the door enough to expose the contents of the room.

It was an office. Dan's office was my guess. There was a mahogany built in desk that took up two walls, and a mahogany built in bookshelf that took up another wall. I scanned the titles of the books, but the words kept spinning as I looked at them. I couldn't make sense of the words. I gave up on trying to read the titles and looked at the desk. Something caught my eye. Lying next to the framed picture of Dan, Deb and young Nathan was a picture. A picture of me. I picked it up. Even in my drunken state, I recognized the picture. It was during an end of year little league basketball party when they handed out trophies. I got MVP and the trophy for the most points scored, and another trophy for best free-throw. I was holding all three in my hands, trying not to drop any for the camera. Mom was standing in the side of the frame, smiling and laughing as Keith took the picture.

I moved the picture to the side. There was a birth announcement. "It's a boy," the bold blue writing read. It must be Nathan, I thought, but the picture stapled to the announcement was me, red and squinty from birth. The writing on the back of the picture was Keith's. "This is your son. He's beautiful. I thought you deserved to see him, but all you deserve. You don't deserve to be part of his life at all. I enclosed your check. We don't want it. Signed, Keith."

The next picture was of Mom. She was young. Definitely still in high school. She was wearing his letter jacket over her cheerleading outfit and laughing like she used to laugh when she played with me.

My stomach lurched and I turned the picture over, exposing a letter.

I took all my effort to read the first few lines of cramped boy writing. The lines kept blending together.

"_My Karen,_

_I don't know how I can ever apologize for everything I put you through. I never meant to hurt you. If I had known it was going to end this way, I never would have done it. You have to believe me. You are the only one who truly knows me. Please take me back. I love you. I can't live without you. _

_I'm so sorry. Please please please forgive me. I wish I could take back everything that happened and start over. We can start over. Think about your future. About our future. I still want to be with you, but we're not ready to be parents. I'll take care of it. Please accept this money and I'll be right there with you when you take care of it. I'm sorry, Karen. It wasn't supposed to go like this._

_I love you,_

_Your Dan"_

The writing at the bottom of the letter was in a woman's handwriting. I started reading it when the door flew open.

"What the hell are you doing in my office!" Dan demanded.

I shoved the letter into my pocket and turned around.

"Did you find him?" Keith asked, following Dan into the room.

They both advanced on me and it didn't take either of them very long to see what I was looking at.

"You kept these?" Keith asked, glancing at the pictures.

Dan pushed me out of the way and hastily gathered the pictures, shoving them back into the drawer.

"You have no business being in my office. Get out! Both of you!"

"You told me you never got any of the pictures that I sent you," Keith said.

"Did you love her?" I asked Dan.

"That's none of your business," Dan shot back at me.

"What did you do to her?" I asked, standing as tall as my body would allow, trying my hardest to be taller than him.

"Lucas-" Keith started.

"No, Keith, I want to know what this asshole did to my mom. You did something to her to make her and Keith hate you."

"What are you talking about?" Dan said, in a bad attempt to sound confused.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"You need to leave."

"Not until you tell me what you did."

"You're drunk, Lucas. Go home and sleep it off."

"What the fuck did you do to her?" I screamed, grabbing his shirt and pounding on his chest.

My yelling brought the rest of the party into the office. How long had I been in there, trying to form intelligible sentences with the spinning text?

"What's going on?" May asked. Her face was red and puffy. Telltale signs of recent crying.

"Nothing, Mom. Lucas was just about to apologize to you for what he said earlier," Dan volunteered when no one else spoke.

"No I wasn't, _Dad._ I was about to call you an asshole and miserable human being and get out of this hellhole." I said Dad like it was an insult. And he understood that it was.

I shoved my way past the others to leave the office. Keith caught up to me, which was not a difficult feat considering I still could not walk straight, much less run in a consecutive path.

He grabbed my arm, forcing me to face him, "Where are you going?"

"Doesn't matter as long as it's not here."

"Let me get the keys. I'm taking you home."

I wanted to protest, but I couldn't form the words in my brain that would make sense. I just stood there while Keith went for his coat and keys.

I didn't wait for him to come back. The door was calling me like the Sirens from The Odyssey. I could not disappoint the door. I made a run for it, running through the door, past Keith's truck and Dan's pretty rich-boy car, down the street and up the hill.

My heart was beating to fast. I didn't feel like I was running. It was more like gliding, but I would lose my footing and swerve to the side. My feet carried me all the way to a familiar house.

I pounded impatiently on the door, alternating between knocking and ringing the bell. It wasn't long before she came to the door, desperate to end the incessant ringing/knocking.

"Lucas! What are you doing here?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but ran to the bushes and threw up instead.

Brooke followed me to the bushes and rubbed my back.

"Are you okay? What's wrong with you? Why are you all out of breath? How did you get here?"

I shook my head, hoping that that would make it easier to process all the questions she just asked me. It didn't.

"Luke? Come inside."

I shook my head. "You hate me."

"I don't hate you. Shhhhh…you're sick. Come inside."

She didn't understand. I had to make her understand.

"You're going to hate me."

"Why would I hate you?" She steadied my shoulders. "You've been drinking."

"No, I mean yes. I mean, I cheated on you."

"What?" She stepped away, as if separating herself from me would make the statement not true.

"I cheated on you," I repeated.

"No, no you didn't. You're drunk. Come in and lay down. We'll talk later."

"I did! I cheated on you," It felt good to say it out loud. It wasn't a secret anymore.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I slept with Peyton," I whispered.

"You what!" She yelled. I moved away. The sound made the ringing in my ear louder.

"Who's there, Brooke?" Peyton appeared in the doorway. I turned around. How did I not see Peyton's car in the driveway?

"Lucas!" Peyton exclaimed in a bad way.

"You slept with Lucas!" Brooke shouted.

"I- I-" Peyton stuttered, looking desperately at me for a clue what to do. I didn't have one.

"We were drunk," I tried to explain, but my head was spinning. I turned to look at Brooke, but she had two angry faces instead of one. The effects of the alcohol were really kicking in.

"I don't care! When! When did this happen?"

That question required thought. I couldn't formulate coherent sentences, much less do the simple math that it took to answer her question.

"About two weeks ago," Peyton answered quietly for me.

Brooke turned around and walked back into the house, slamming the door behind her.

Peyton looked at me and then looked down again. I didn't have a chance to say anything before Brooke poked her head out the door. "Don't bother talking to me. I don't want to have anything to do with either one of you." The doorframe reverberated with the force of the second slam, leaving Peyton and me standing out in the cold together.

Note: I've been feeling kinda angsty lately. But that's changing, so next chapter should be happier. I promise.

I haven't written the next part yet, so I'm open to suggestions. Should Peyton and Brooke forgive Lucas?


End file.
